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She began service in 1800 under...: suggest stating commissioned rather than began service; from the main body, it seems she wasn't finished off until early 1801 so didn't become operational (which I correlate to beginning service) until that time.
Done.
Design
The original Apollo design was then revived at...; because this ship was part of the original three Apollo vessels built, it seems to me to make more sense to write this in future tense, i.e "The original Apollo design would be revived at..." (or later was).
Done.
Construction
Complimenting this armament...: think that should be 'Complementing'
Changed.
Service
taking the member of parliament Nicholas Vansittart to the British Minister to Denmark, William Drummond, so ...: I'm having trouble parsing this sentence, but I think it would make more sense if it was "British Minister for Denmark, William Drummond,"?
Reworded in a way that keeps "British Minister to Denmark", which I believe is a title.
In preparation to make the attack on...: for antecedence, I think that should be "In preparation to make an attack on..."
Done.
...bomb ships to a position in which they...: suggest "...bomb ships to a position from which they..."
Done.
In the night of 1 April...: suggest "During the night of 1 April..."
Done.
Mudge decided to attack Albion again, this time in the night of 3–4 November...: as above, suggest during for "in"
Done.
Mudge reported Lake rather than Nicolls as the victor of the battle, leading the naval historian William James to suggest Lake was a favourite of the captain's, despite Clowes describing him as "a thoroughly worthless officer".[24]: the cite here is to Clowes, although the section of text refers to William James; is Clowes stating James' view or is there a missing cite here? Also may be worth mentioning that James was a relatively contemporary historian, writing only 20 years or so after the events (see further comment later)
Clowes mentions James.
captured a 1-gun privateer schooner.: just a single gun? i.e. making sure there isn't a missing number here!
Yep. Just one! Likely that there were a number of
swivel guns, but these weren't counted in the number.
as she manoeuvred so the French vessel...: don't think that so should be there, a comma seems more appropriate?
My wording does make sense, but I agree it's confusing if you're not reading it in my 18th century-addled brain. Changed.
James has questioned how truthful Mudge...: tied into my earlier comment on James, is it worth openly mention James is writing only 20 years or so after the engagement?
Added a word on this.
Other stuff
Happy to AGF on sources given history of nominator
This article is within the scope of WikiProject Ships, a project to improve all
Ship-related articles. If you would like to help improve this and other articles, please
join the project, or contribute to the
project discussion. All interested editors are welcome. To use this banner, please see the
full instructions.ShipsWikipedia:WikiProject ShipsTemplate:WikiProject ShipsShips articles
This article is within the scope of the Military history WikiProject. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join the project and see a
list of open tasks. To use this banner, please see the
full instructions.Military historyWikipedia:WikiProject Military historyTemplate:WikiProject Military historymilitary history articles
She began service in 1800 under...: suggest stating commissioned rather than began service; from the main body, it seems she wasn't finished off until early 1801 so didn't become operational (which I correlate to beginning service) until that time.
Done.
Design
The original Apollo design was then revived at...; because this ship was part of the original three Apollo vessels built, it seems to me to make more sense to write this in future tense, i.e "The original Apollo design would be revived at..." (or later was).
Done.
Construction
Complimenting this armament...: think that should be 'Complementing'
Changed.
Service
taking the member of parliament Nicholas Vansittart to the British Minister to Denmark, William Drummond, so ...: I'm having trouble parsing this sentence, but I think it would make more sense if it was "British Minister for Denmark, William Drummond,"?
Reworded in a way that keeps "British Minister to Denmark", which I believe is a title.
In preparation to make the attack on...: for antecedence, I think that should be "In preparation to make an attack on..."
Done.
...bomb ships to a position in which they...: suggest "...bomb ships to a position from which they..."
Done.
In the night of 1 April...: suggest "During the night of 1 April..."
Done.
Mudge decided to attack Albion again, this time in the night of 3–4 November...: as above, suggest during for "in"
Done.
Mudge reported Lake rather than Nicolls as the victor of the battle, leading the naval historian William James to suggest Lake was a favourite of the captain's, despite Clowes describing him as "a thoroughly worthless officer".[24]: the cite here is to Clowes, although the section of text refers to William James; is Clowes stating James' view or is there a missing cite here? Also may be worth mentioning that James was a relatively contemporary historian, writing only 20 years or so after the events (see further comment later)
Clowes mentions James.
captured a 1-gun privateer schooner.: just a single gun? i.e. making sure there isn't a missing number here!
Yep. Just one! Likely that there were a number of
swivel guns, but these weren't counted in the number.
as she manoeuvred so the French vessel...: don't think that so should be there, a comma seems more appropriate?
My wording does make sense, but I agree it's confusing if you're not reading it in my 18th century-addled brain. Changed.
James has questioned how truthful Mudge...: tied into my earlier comment on James, is it worth openly mention James is writing only 20 years or so after the engagement?
Added a word on this.
Other stuff
Happy to AGF on sources given history of nominator