The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Reviewer: Vami IV ( talk · contribs) 01:30, 5 October 2018 (UTC)
I am reviewing this article as the Coordinator of WikiProject Germany and therefore have a vested interest in its advancement to Good Article status.
For replying to Reviewer comment, please use Done, Fixed, Added, Not done, Doing..., or Removed, followed by any comment you'd like to make. I will be crossing out my comments as they are redressed, and only mine. A detailed, section-by-section review will follow after this and my first comment (Referencing). – ♠Vami _IV†♠ 01:30, 5 October 2018 (UTC)
References are credible and reliable secondary sources, bar two. Wrecksite and "german-navy.de" fail WP:RS as forum-generated and self-published sources, respectively. If you cannot replace these citations (2 and 15, as of time of writing), you will unfortunately have to remove them. I recommend removing the "Commanders" section of the infobox regardless, as it makes it really long, especially in comparison to the article prose. – ♠Vami _IV†♠ 01:30, 5 October 2018 (UTC)
Derived from the World War 1-eralargetorpedo boat SMS H145, [...]
triple mounts[2] [...] 533-millimeter (21.0 in) tubes[1]Citations must be held down by punctuation per MOS:REFPUNCT.
Named after the albatross, [...]This isn't really relevant to the prose, and is obvious from the name. I'd leave this in the infobox unless there's a really pertinent reason to include it in the prose.
the boatChange to "The Albatros". For future reference, avoiding calling a warship a "boat" - it's not catching prawns, it's dealing and taking steel death and shedding iron blood.
5 October 1925[4]MOS:REFPUNCT
who later became grand admiral and commander of the KriegsmarineAbbreviate.
In the spring of 1929 the ship took part in a fleet cruise in Spanish waters. At the exit from Wilhelmshaven Albatros collided with her sister ship Möwe. After repairs, both boats followed the fleet four days later. Their sisters Greif and Kondor also took part in this cruise.Condense; this reads kind of confusingly and could be better organized.
(Rear Admiral)Axe.
4th Torpedo Boat Half-Flotilla (Albatros, Falke, Greif and Möwe)You establish earlier what the 4th Torpedo Boat Half-Flotilla, but only now that its made up of the Type 23s?
In 1932, Albatross, together with the light cruiser Königsberg and her sisters Falke, Möwe, Seeadler and Kondor, represented Germany at the celebration of the betrothal of the Swedish Crown Prince Gustav Adolf with the German princess Sibylla of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha.Shorten.
From July 1936 to October 1937, four missions of the boat were carried out in the framework of the so-called neutrality patrols in front of the Spanish coast.See above. Consider instead:
From July 1936 to Ocotber 1937, Albatros carried out four patrols of neutral Spanish waters.
the four boats of the 2nd FlotillaSee bullet 2, "Construction and career."
The flotilla returned to Spain for the third time in May and June 1937.May from June 1937?
On 31 May the ship did so, accompanied by the four boats of the 2nd Flotilla, targeting Republican coastal artillery, naval building and ships in the harbor, killing nineteen people.19 civilians or 19 soldiers?
Seeadler and Albatros participated in the bombardment.Redundant, remove (keep citation).
On 24 June the ship was replaced by Möwe [...]Which one? The last sentence named two ships.
During the Norwegian Campaign, [...]Provide link.
the boat was assigned to Group 5 under Konteradmiral Oskar Kummetz on the heavy cruiser Blücher,"the boat" - Albatros?
Early that afternoon, the ship was escorting the merchant ship SS Curityba while landing men on the island of Rauøy and Strelow decided to steam east of the island to avoid any further attentions from the guns on Bolærne.See "Spanish Civil War," bullet 6. I think there is at least one comma that needs to be sprinkled in here, somewhere, as well.
The crew was rescued by the auxiliary V707 and later took over Olav Tryggvason which initially renamed as Albatros II and then Brummer.See above. Maybe:
[...], initially renamed as Albatros II [...]
Expand from prose. I will review it when finished. –
♠Vami
_IV†♠ 16:25, 5 October 2018 (UTC)
[...] consisting of the other Type 23 torpedo boatsRemove "Albatros" here, as it is redundant, and a "the" before "other Type 23 torpedo boats."Albatros, Falke, Greif and Möwe, [...]
Good Article review progress box
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The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
GA toolbox |
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Reviewing |
Article (
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visual edit |
history) ·
Article talk (
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history) ·
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Reviewer: Vami IV ( talk · contribs) 01:30, 5 October 2018 (UTC)
I am reviewing this article as the Coordinator of WikiProject Germany and therefore have a vested interest in its advancement to Good Article status.
For replying to Reviewer comment, please use Done, Fixed, Added, Not done, Doing..., or Removed, followed by any comment you'd like to make. I will be crossing out my comments as they are redressed, and only mine. A detailed, section-by-section review will follow after this and my first comment (Referencing). – ♠Vami _IV†♠ 01:30, 5 October 2018 (UTC)
References are credible and reliable secondary sources, bar two. Wrecksite and "german-navy.de" fail WP:RS as forum-generated and self-published sources, respectively. If you cannot replace these citations (2 and 15, as of time of writing), you will unfortunately have to remove them. I recommend removing the "Commanders" section of the infobox regardless, as it makes it really long, especially in comparison to the article prose. – ♠Vami _IV†♠ 01:30, 5 October 2018 (UTC)
Derived from the World War 1-eralargetorpedo boat SMS H145, [...]
triple mounts[2] [...] 533-millimeter (21.0 in) tubes[1]Citations must be held down by punctuation per MOS:REFPUNCT.
Named after the albatross, [...]This isn't really relevant to the prose, and is obvious from the name. I'd leave this in the infobox unless there's a really pertinent reason to include it in the prose.
the boatChange to "The Albatros". For future reference, avoiding calling a warship a "boat" - it's not catching prawns, it's dealing and taking steel death and shedding iron blood.
5 October 1925[4]MOS:REFPUNCT
who later became grand admiral and commander of the KriegsmarineAbbreviate.
In the spring of 1929 the ship took part in a fleet cruise in Spanish waters. At the exit from Wilhelmshaven Albatros collided with her sister ship Möwe. After repairs, both boats followed the fleet four days later. Their sisters Greif and Kondor also took part in this cruise.Condense; this reads kind of confusingly and could be better organized.
(Rear Admiral)Axe.
4th Torpedo Boat Half-Flotilla (Albatros, Falke, Greif and Möwe)You establish earlier what the 4th Torpedo Boat Half-Flotilla, but only now that its made up of the Type 23s?
In 1932, Albatross, together with the light cruiser Königsberg and her sisters Falke, Möwe, Seeadler and Kondor, represented Germany at the celebration of the betrothal of the Swedish Crown Prince Gustav Adolf with the German princess Sibylla of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha.Shorten.
From July 1936 to October 1937, four missions of the boat were carried out in the framework of the so-called neutrality patrols in front of the Spanish coast.See above. Consider instead:
From July 1936 to Ocotber 1937, Albatros carried out four patrols of neutral Spanish waters.
the four boats of the 2nd FlotillaSee bullet 2, "Construction and career."
The flotilla returned to Spain for the third time in May and June 1937.May from June 1937?
On 31 May the ship did so, accompanied by the four boats of the 2nd Flotilla, targeting Republican coastal artillery, naval building and ships in the harbor, killing nineteen people.19 civilians or 19 soldiers?
Seeadler and Albatros participated in the bombardment.Redundant, remove (keep citation).
On 24 June the ship was replaced by Möwe [...]Which one? The last sentence named two ships.
During the Norwegian Campaign, [...]Provide link.
the boat was assigned to Group 5 under Konteradmiral Oskar Kummetz on the heavy cruiser Blücher,"the boat" - Albatros?
Early that afternoon, the ship was escorting the merchant ship SS Curityba while landing men on the island of Rauøy and Strelow decided to steam east of the island to avoid any further attentions from the guns on Bolærne.See "Spanish Civil War," bullet 6. I think there is at least one comma that needs to be sprinkled in here, somewhere, as well.
The crew was rescued by the auxiliary V707 and later took over Olav Tryggvason which initially renamed as Albatros II and then Brummer.See above. Maybe:
[...], initially renamed as Albatros II [...]
Expand from prose. I will review it when finished. –
♠Vami
_IV†♠ 16:25, 5 October 2018 (UTC)
[...] consisting of the other Type 23 torpedo boatsRemove "Albatros" here, as it is redundant, and a "the" before "other Type 23 torpedo boats."Albatros, Falke, Greif and Möwe, [...]
Good Article review progress box
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