Definition and notability should be in the first sentence (
WP:BETTER). In order to provide a clearer and more informative introduction to the nonspecialist reader, I recommend the following revision :
Very short or very long sections and subsections in an article look cluttered and inhibit the flow of the prose. I recommend breaking up text in the Early life section and organizing content into separate sections.
It currently has one paragraph for each year of high school. I have made each paragraph a section.--
TonyTheTiger (
T /
C /
WP:FOUR /
WP:CHICAGO /
WP:WAWARD) 06:47, 4 January 2014 (UTC)reply
Fix section Personal (
MOS:PARAGRAPHS). The number of single-sentence paragraphs should be minimized. Short paragraphs and single sentences generally do not warrant their own subheading. Either this section should be merged into the previous section, or else more information on the personal life should be added.
Now, it is at the beginning of the High school section. I believe it should be reverted back to the early life name with this change.--
TonyTheTiger (
T /
C /
WP:FOUR /
WP:CHICAGO /
WP:WAWARD) 06:51, 4 January 2014 (UTC)reply
It's your call. But really, I believe the article looks clear and good now. --Seabuckthorn♥ 12:36, 4 January 2014 (UTC)reply
Embedded lists should be used only when appropriate; sometimes the information in a list is better presented as prose paragraphs. Tables are a complex form of list. (
MOS:TABLES). I recommend removing the table as most of the information is already covered in the lead and infobox.
This table is a standard element of an article for a football or basketball bio. I probably have included them in 50 prior
WP:GAs.--
TonyTheTiger (
T /
C /
WP:FOUR /
WP:CHICAGO /
WP:WAWARD) 06:52, 4 January 2014 (UTC)reply
OK. For the sake of closure, I'm marking it as 'not done'. --Seabuckthorn♥ 12:36, 4 January 2014 (UTC)reply
I'm putting the article on hold. All the best! --Seabuckthorn♥ 10:07, 3 January 2014 (UTC)reply
OK, everything looks good now. Passing the article to GA status. --Seabuckthorn♥ 12:36, 4 January 2014 (UTC)reply
Definition and notability should be in the first sentence (
WP:BETTER). In order to provide a clearer and more informative introduction to the nonspecialist reader, I recommend the following revision :
Very short or very long sections and subsections in an article look cluttered and inhibit the flow of the prose. I recommend breaking up text in the Early life section and organizing content into separate sections.
It currently has one paragraph for each year of high school. I have made each paragraph a section.--
TonyTheTiger (
T /
C /
WP:FOUR /
WP:CHICAGO /
WP:WAWARD) 06:47, 4 January 2014 (UTC)reply
Fix section Personal (
MOS:PARAGRAPHS). The number of single-sentence paragraphs should be minimized. Short paragraphs and single sentences generally do not warrant their own subheading. Either this section should be merged into the previous section, or else more information on the personal life should be added.
Now, it is at the beginning of the High school section. I believe it should be reverted back to the early life name with this change.--
TonyTheTiger (
T /
C /
WP:FOUR /
WP:CHICAGO /
WP:WAWARD) 06:51, 4 January 2014 (UTC)reply
It's your call. But really, I believe the article looks clear and good now. --Seabuckthorn♥ 12:36, 4 January 2014 (UTC)reply
Embedded lists should be used only when appropriate; sometimes the information in a list is better presented as prose paragraphs. Tables are a complex form of list. (
MOS:TABLES). I recommend removing the table as most of the information is already covered in the lead and infobox.
This table is a standard element of an article for a football or basketball bio. I probably have included them in 50 prior
WP:GAs.--
TonyTheTiger (
T /
C /
WP:FOUR /
WP:CHICAGO /
WP:WAWARD) 06:52, 4 January 2014 (UTC)reply
OK. For the sake of closure, I'm marking it as 'not done'. --Seabuckthorn♥ 12:36, 4 January 2014 (UTC)reply
I'm putting the article on hold. All the best! --Seabuckthorn♥ 10:07, 3 January 2014 (UTC)reply
OK, everything looks good now. Passing the article to GA status. --Seabuckthorn♥ 12:36, 4 January 2014 (UTC)reply