The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
@
EchetusXe: Sorry for the wait, I became unexpectedly busy recently. Reference formatting is not part of the GA criteria so I can pass this article but remember to change the Google Translate URLs to their originals. Other than that, I am very happy with the changes (especially to § personal life) and can now confidently pass this article for GA status. Congrats! ツLunaEatsTuna(
💬)—23:48, 21 August 2023 (UTC)reply
Copyvio check
Earwig says good to go.
Prose
The apostrophes are probably not needed for Green Football Weekend.
Do we have any sources saying how he got into football? If joining PSV Eindhoven was his introduction, do the sources say who convinced him to go, if he wanted to go himself etc.? Would be interesting.
In the first paragraph of § Club career, 'he' is used quite a lot successively. Interchange between using Ojo and 'he' here like the rest of the article.
I would split "and became a free agent" into its own sentence, i.e. "with new manager Jacky Mathijssen. Ojo became a free agent" – this reads less jaggedly IMO.
§ Early and personal life is a bit awkward to me since it consists largely of personal life content, which is usually at the bottom of biographies. Hmm, is it possible to merge his birth into § Club career and the rest into a new § Personal life-type section at the bottom of the article merged with § Style of play (as this section is also short but career relevant to the not guilty plea?). If it looks bad than ignore this suggestion! I mainly find it strange that the article opens up with a not guilty plea related to his football career before the reader can read about his actual career. Alternatively, could the plea sentence be merged into § Aberdeen?
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
@
EchetusXe: Sorry for the wait, I became unexpectedly busy recently. Reference formatting is not part of the GA criteria so I can pass this article but remember to change the Google Translate URLs to their originals. Other than that, I am very happy with the changes (especially to § personal life) and can now confidently pass this article for GA status. Congrats! ツLunaEatsTuna(
💬)—23:48, 21 August 2023 (UTC)reply
Copyvio check
Earwig says good to go.
Prose
The apostrophes are probably not needed for Green Football Weekend.
Do we have any sources saying how he got into football? If joining PSV Eindhoven was his introduction, do the sources say who convinced him to go, if he wanted to go himself etc.? Would be interesting.
In the first paragraph of § Club career, 'he' is used quite a lot successively. Interchange between using Ojo and 'he' here like the rest of the article.
I would split "and became a free agent" into its own sentence, i.e. "with new manager Jacky Mathijssen. Ojo became a free agent" – this reads less jaggedly IMO.
§ Early and personal life is a bit awkward to me since it consists largely of personal life content, which is usually at the bottom of biographies. Hmm, is it possible to merge his birth into § Club career and the rest into a new § Personal life-type section at the bottom of the article merged with § Style of play (as this section is also short but career relevant to the not guilty plea?). If it looks bad than ignore this suggestion! I mainly find it strange that the article opens up with a not guilty plea related to his football career before the reader can read about his actual career. Alternatively, could the plea sentence be merged into § Aberdeen?
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.