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Reviewer: Mike Christie ( talk · contribs) 11:58, 27 February 2018 (UTC)
I'll review this. Mike Christie ( talk - contribs - library) 11:58, 27 February 2018 (UTC)
I'll copyedit as I go; please revert if I screw anything up.
The major elements of the Fulton Center rehabilitation project included-> "The major elements of the Fulton Center include". I wouldn't fail GA for this, because the information is all here, but I think it's back-to-front as it stands.
This portion of the project is part of a master lease to lease over 60,000 square feet of space: this feels like a forward looking statement from the days of the project; can it be restated in the past or present tense now the project is completed?
It is applying for LEED certification: the source is three years old; can we update this?
There were plans for a free transfer between Cortlandt Street and World Trade Center stations: the source doesn't say this, it just says "R and E lines". Can I take it that the station names are unambiguously determined by that?
however this plan was removed due to value engineering: a fancy way of saying cost overruns; I think we should go with simpler language.
In July 2008, the Federal Transit Administration announced it would not fund the cost overruns associated with the Fulton Center. However, the MTA is using 2009 federal stimulus money to help fund the project.Why do we care now about the announcement then? And the next sentence is again in the wrong tense.
In March 2008, the MTA indicated that an above ground structure will be built at the site...Again this seems uninteresting now; no doubt it was relevant information when announced, but it's been superseded. And the tense is wrong.
Throughout the construction phases of the project, all four stations in the original complex were rehabilitated: suggest "The project rehabilitated all four stations in the original complex".
The Fulton Center project involves three station rehabilitation projects: more present tense; should now be past. Similarly there is "These entrances would allow" later.
A white false wall separates the work area (transit center building) from the now-public passageways is put up in the Western Mezzanine: looks like an incompletely edited sentence, and was this a temporary false wall, or permanent? If temporary it's not worth mentioning.
Some have suggested: best to avoid this sort of vague attribution.
-- Mike Christie ( talk - contribs - library) 01:59, 28 February 2018 (UTC)
Most points have been fixed, including all the minor issues, so I think it's worth starting a new section. Here's what I think is still an issue.
On Sunday, November 9, 2014, the MTA unveiled the Fulton Center, located at the crossroads of Lower Manhattan on Broadway between John and Fulton Streets.and
Prior to the Fulton Center project. I also reworded and smoothed out the "Planning and cutbacks" section, which I just wrote from scratch a few days ago, and I finished changing the tenses. epicgenius ( talk) 23:04, 2 March 2018 (UTC)
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Reviewer: Mike Christie ( talk · contribs) 11:58, 27 February 2018 (UTC)
I'll review this. Mike Christie ( talk - contribs - library) 11:58, 27 February 2018 (UTC)
I'll copyedit as I go; please revert if I screw anything up.
The major elements of the Fulton Center rehabilitation project included-> "The major elements of the Fulton Center include". I wouldn't fail GA for this, because the information is all here, but I think it's back-to-front as it stands.
This portion of the project is part of a master lease to lease over 60,000 square feet of space: this feels like a forward looking statement from the days of the project; can it be restated in the past or present tense now the project is completed?
It is applying for LEED certification: the source is three years old; can we update this?
There were plans for a free transfer between Cortlandt Street and World Trade Center stations: the source doesn't say this, it just says "R and E lines". Can I take it that the station names are unambiguously determined by that?
however this plan was removed due to value engineering: a fancy way of saying cost overruns; I think we should go with simpler language.
In July 2008, the Federal Transit Administration announced it would not fund the cost overruns associated with the Fulton Center. However, the MTA is using 2009 federal stimulus money to help fund the project.Why do we care now about the announcement then? And the next sentence is again in the wrong tense.
In March 2008, the MTA indicated that an above ground structure will be built at the site...Again this seems uninteresting now; no doubt it was relevant information when announced, but it's been superseded. And the tense is wrong.
Throughout the construction phases of the project, all four stations in the original complex were rehabilitated: suggest "The project rehabilitated all four stations in the original complex".
The Fulton Center project involves three station rehabilitation projects: more present tense; should now be past. Similarly there is "These entrances would allow" later.
A white false wall separates the work area (transit center building) from the now-public passageways is put up in the Western Mezzanine: looks like an incompletely edited sentence, and was this a temporary false wall, or permanent? If temporary it's not worth mentioning.
Some have suggested: best to avoid this sort of vague attribution.
-- Mike Christie ( talk - contribs - library) 01:59, 28 February 2018 (UTC)
Most points have been fixed, including all the minor issues, so I think it's worth starting a new section. Here's what I think is still an issue.
On Sunday, November 9, 2014, the MTA unveiled the Fulton Center, located at the crossroads of Lower Manhattan on Broadway between John and Fulton Streets.and
Prior to the Fulton Center project. I also reworded and smoothed out the "Planning and cutbacks" section, which I just wrote from scratch a few days ago, and I finished changing the tenses. epicgenius ( talk) 23:04, 2 March 2018 (UTC)