Hi Dream out loud. I have done some copy edits to start, and have some additional suggestions for prose amendments below that I didn't want to do myself as I want you to review them and make sure I'm not distorting the meaning. The prose is overall very good and does not need much more tweeking. Here's the items that need your input:
One sequence from the film recounts the improvization of the album's emblematic song "
One" through the replaying of old recording tapes. Suggest "Development of the album's emblematic song "
One" is recounted through the replaying of old recording tapes."Y
The band were... This should be "the band was", as the article otherwise uses American spelling and date conventions (two occurrences).Y
The band were filmed during a return visit to
Hansa Studios in Berlin where the album was partly recorded would read better as "where parts of the album were recorded"Y
the film did not provide enough depth in covering the album How about "the film did not provide adequate in-depth coverage of the album"Y
The band did not demand any changes to the film but did request that it be shortened for length, which Guggenheim agreed to do. I think this sentence should be simplified and shortened. How about something like "The only request the band made was that the film should be shortened in length, and Guggenheim agreed"Y
The article is a bit over-reliant on quotations in my opinion, especially the Production section. Please consider paraphrasing a few of these quotes to help give the prose better flow.
In lieu of a Plot section, the
Wikipedia:Manual of Style/Film calls for a Synopsis section for documentaries. This is currently missing. Please add to the lead summarizing the new material once you've got it added.
There's some overlinking in the References section. Please link the sources only for the first occurrence.
Consider adding links to Rotten Tomatoes or other aggregate sites in the external links.
Thematically, it was a more introspective and personal record; it was darker, yet at times more flippant than the band's previous work. Please confirm this analysis comes from the cited source (Graham 2004) and is not the analysis of the Wikipedia editors.
Hi Dream out loud. I have done some copy edits to start, and have some additional suggestions for prose amendments below that I didn't want to do myself as I want you to review them and make sure I'm not distorting the meaning. The prose is overall very good and does not need much more tweeking. Here's the items that need your input:
One sequence from the film recounts the improvization of the album's emblematic song "
One" through the replaying of old recording tapes. Suggest "Development of the album's emblematic song "
One" is recounted through the replaying of old recording tapes."Y
The band were... This should be "the band was", as the article otherwise uses American spelling and date conventions (two occurrences).Y
The band were filmed during a return visit to
Hansa Studios in Berlin where the album was partly recorded would read better as "where parts of the album were recorded"Y
the film did not provide enough depth in covering the album How about "the film did not provide adequate in-depth coverage of the album"Y
The band did not demand any changes to the film but did request that it be shortened for length, which Guggenheim agreed to do. I think this sentence should be simplified and shortened. How about something like "The only request the band made was that the film should be shortened in length, and Guggenheim agreed"Y
The article is a bit over-reliant on quotations in my opinion, especially the Production section. Please consider paraphrasing a few of these quotes to help give the prose better flow.
In lieu of a Plot section, the
Wikipedia:Manual of Style/Film calls for a Synopsis section for documentaries. This is currently missing. Please add to the lead summarizing the new material once you've got it added.
There's some overlinking in the References section. Please link the sources only for the first occurrence.
Consider adding links to Rotten Tomatoes or other aggregate sites in the external links.
Thematically, it was a more introspective and personal record; it was darker, yet at times more flippant than the band's previous work. Please confirm this analysis comes from the cited source (Graham 2004) and is not the analysis of the Wikipedia editors.