The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Reviewer: Bilorv ( talk · contribs) 13:19, 2 January 2021 (UTC)
I'll review this sometime in the next 96 hours. Love this song, looking forward to it. I've made a couple of edits to the article but they're all vandal-reverting or minor maintenance stuff, so I'm fine to be an independent reviewer. — Bilorv ( talk) 13:19, 2 January 2021 (UTC)
Healy sought to "[go] back to a place where [the 1975] grew up" and channelled the experiences of "17, 18 year old [Healy] and George [Daniel]."It says the same thing twice. Either quote implies the other if you stop and think for a second what the core information is—Healy was thinking about the band's childhood. So we could say this as:
Healy channeled his teenage experiencesor
An inspiration was Healy and Daniel's late teenage selvesor whatever you like, but we don't need 2 quotes or 26 words.
Describing the single, the singer said: "It's about anxiety... it's quite sombre [...] It kind of blends between euphoria and UK Garage and yeah, it goes from a real sadness to a real euphoria."should be
Healy described the song as "sombre" and progressing from "sadness" to "euphoria".(we've already heard about the anxiety and UK garage).
the 1975 shut themselves out from the outside world– Can you point me to what part of the NME source you are summarising here?
"Frail State of Mind" incorporates elements from pop subgenres, such as X, Y and Z, electronic music, including X, Y and Z, and house music, specifically X, Y and Z.For the production comments, ideally I'd like to see things like
The shuffling drum line and soft electronic piano beat are aspects of post-dubstep(not a true statement, just an example) i.e. links made between these aspects and genres, but otherwise they can at least be reordered by subject (drums; other instrumentation; vocals; electronics and texture).
The production consists ... consisting of ocean noises and synths. All are unneeded fluorishes (e.g.
"thick" heavy drumsshould just be
heavy drums) except
"drizzly autumnal" textures, which should either be taken out or given its own sentence where the critic is named in prose.
Chris DeVille of Stereogum noted "Frail State of Mind" contained ...sounds like it refers to the whole sentence, rather than just the first quote. — Bilorv ( talk) 11:32, 4 January 2021 (UTC)
who called "cadence" and "flow". — Bilorv ( talk) 11:32, 4 January 2021 (UTC)
... a term coined by music journalists to describe a subgenre of ambient-influenced post-dubstep originating in South London; listened to on a bus home ...– The semicolon should just be a comma. Semicolons (outside of long lists) are only used when both clauses could be standalone sentences. — Bilorv ( talk) 11:32, 4 January 2021 (UTC)
A music video [...], and was [...], and filmed [...].strikes me as a bit too long. How about two sentences:
[...] was released on 21 November 2019. It was co-directed [...].? Otherwise, good writing.
misc
parameter of the infobox (take a look at how similar articles do this).Thanks for your work on this. Though the comments above might be quite taxing, I hope they're useful. This'll go
On hold for a week but I won't fail it so long as progress continues to be made. —
Bilorv (
talk)
13:27, 3 January 2021 (UTC)
— Bilorv ( talk) 11:32, 4 January 2021 (UTC)
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
GA toolbox |
---|
Reviewing |
Article (
|
visual edit |
history) ·
Article talk (
|
history) ·
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Reviewer: Bilorv ( talk · contribs) 13:19, 2 January 2021 (UTC)
I'll review this sometime in the next 96 hours. Love this song, looking forward to it. I've made a couple of edits to the article but they're all vandal-reverting or minor maintenance stuff, so I'm fine to be an independent reviewer. — Bilorv ( talk) 13:19, 2 January 2021 (UTC)
Healy sought to "[go] back to a place where [the 1975] grew up" and channelled the experiences of "17, 18 year old [Healy] and George [Daniel]."It says the same thing twice. Either quote implies the other if you stop and think for a second what the core information is—Healy was thinking about the band's childhood. So we could say this as:
Healy channeled his teenage experiencesor
An inspiration was Healy and Daniel's late teenage selvesor whatever you like, but we don't need 2 quotes or 26 words.
Describing the single, the singer said: "It's about anxiety... it's quite sombre [...] It kind of blends between euphoria and UK Garage and yeah, it goes from a real sadness to a real euphoria."should be
Healy described the song as "sombre" and progressing from "sadness" to "euphoria".(we've already heard about the anxiety and UK garage).
the 1975 shut themselves out from the outside world– Can you point me to what part of the NME source you are summarising here?
"Frail State of Mind" incorporates elements from pop subgenres, such as X, Y and Z, electronic music, including X, Y and Z, and house music, specifically X, Y and Z.For the production comments, ideally I'd like to see things like
The shuffling drum line and soft electronic piano beat are aspects of post-dubstep(not a true statement, just an example) i.e. links made between these aspects and genres, but otherwise they can at least be reordered by subject (drums; other instrumentation; vocals; electronics and texture).
The production consists ... consisting of ocean noises and synths. All are unneeded fluorishes (e.g.
"thick" heavy drumsshould just be
heavy drums) except
"drizzly autumnal" textures, which should either be taken out or given its own sentence where the critic is named in prose.
Chris DeVille of Stereogum noted "Frail State of Mind" contained ...sounds like it refers to the whole sentence, rather than just the first quote. — Bilorv ( talk) 11:32, 4 January 2021 (UTC)
who called "cadence" and "flow". — Bilorv ( talk) 11:32, 4 January 2021 (UTC)
... a term coined by music journalists to describe a subgenre of ambient-influenced post-dubstep originating in South London; listened to on a bus home ...– The semicolon should just be a comma. Semicolons (outside of long lists) are only used when both clauses could be standalone sentences. — Bilorv ( talk) 11:32, 4 January 2021 (UTC)
A music video [...], and was [...], and filmed [...].strikes me as a bit too long. How about two sentences:
[...] was released on 21 November 2019. It was co-directed [...].? Otherwise, good writing.
misc
parameter of the infobox (take a look at how similar articles do this).Thanks for your work on this. Though the comments above might be quite taxing, I hope they're useful. This'll go
On hold for a week but I won't fail it so long as progress continues to be made. —
Bilorv (
talk)
13:27, 3 January 2021 (UTC)
— Bilorv ( talk) 11:32, 4 January 2021 (UTC)