FN 33
[1] is dead and must be replaced. This is according to a
Checklinks scan.
Replaced
Sources have been verified as reliable.
"believing he 'dominated' the band's previous record" - quotation not supported by source. The source says "dominating", but not "dominated".
Removed quotes
"Working again with Neal Avron — the primary producer of Fall Out Boy's last two records — the quartet made a decision to dial back the heavily multitracked sound of their last album." -
WP:PLAGIARISM. The text was directly copied from the source without quotations, constituting a copyvio.
Reworded
"Stump entered the studio with music for nearly 50 songs." - close paraphrasing
"Like the band's two previous releases, the music was composed" - strange connection. What music? Do you mean "Like the band's two previous releases, Folie à Deux was composed"?
This is supposed to establish the fact that the music was written by Stump, and the lyrics were written by Wentz. I was trying to differentiate the two. I can see how it would be confusing though. Do you have any suggestions?
Basilisk4u (
talk)
02:39, 8 December 2011 (UTC)reply
Always use full name of album. Never refer to it as simply "Folie".
Done.
"the more negative ones" → "negative reviews"
Done.
"In March 2008, the band... However, the band..." - repetitive prose.
Done.
"This led to having more material to shift through"
Done.
"Various rumors that circulated on the Internet varied from the album consisting entirely of acoustic folk to rap-rock" - Ungrammatical.
Reworded
"However, the sessions were not without difficulty." - easier to simply say "However, the sessions were difficult."
Done.
"while his other styles were inspired by Metallica, Prince, and the Rolling Stones." - band is called "
The Rolling Stones", not "Rolling Stones".
Done.
"'Headfirst Slide into Cooperstown on a Bad Bet' is an example of the album's theme of contrasting moods, and 'struts in on a massive drum line and crunching, processed guitars, gets amplified by a four-piece horn section, then falls away to a simple, somber piano line.'" - according to whom?
Clarified
Normally, ellipses are not used in the beginning of quotations.
Done.
"Stump tagged Folie à Deux a 'message record'" - missing word "as"?
Second paragraph of the Lyrics section is a
WP:QUOTEFARM. Consider paraphrasing some quotations.
Done.
Redundant words in phrases: "Wentz contacted Chueh personally" and "and posted them to the band's official website."
Done.
"a blog post of a press release was made on the band's FriendsOrEnemies.com page officially announcing Folie à Deux" → "a blog post of a press release was made on the band's FriendsOrEnemies.com page; it announced Folie à Deux"
"that the early November was in doubt, citing concerns over the planned election day tie-in." - The early November what? The early November date?
Done, yes I meant to say the date haha
" Fall Out Boy released several songs on iTunes before the release of Folie à Deux, which, when purchased, would go towards purchasing the entire album as part of the "Complete My Album" feature. " - ? Re-write in proper grammar because I do not know what this means. What is "which" referring to?
It is supposed to refer to the songs that were purchased. I reworded it
"thereafter" → "after"
Done.
"'I Don't Care' was followed a month later by the digital release of 'Headfirst Slide into Cooperstown on a Bad Bet' on October 7, 2008."
Done.
"and compared it to labelmates" - why is "labelmates" plural?
Done.
How can a tour be a commentary? Clarify?
Clarified
Manual of style
Numbers above nine should be written as numerals. So watch out throughout the article, especially in the Reception section.
Web-only refs like "MTV News", "AbsolutePunk", "A.V. Club" and "LukeChueh.com" are not italicized. Magazines and newspapers like Billboard and The Observer are.
All newspapers must use the {{cite news}} template if you are using citation templates. In other words, the publisher for newspaper refs must be in parentheses.
It is the opposite for web-only refs, like MTV News. So do not have "MTV News (Viacom)". Instead, go with "MTV News. Viacom." Same with The AV Club and AbsolutePunk and other web-exclusive sources.
"Deciding to postpone the album release in a season in which A-list artists" - "A-list" is a POV term.
Done.
"Folie à Deux did not perform as well commercially as its predecessor, Infinity on High." - This is personal interpretation of level of success. Success could mean total sales, or highest chart position, or anything really.
I see what you mean, but it is a fact that Folie à Deux reached number eight on the Billboard 200, while Infinity on High reached number one. Also, Folie à Deux went only Gold while Infinity on High went Platinum. I am not sure how to express this in the article.
Basilisk4u (
talk)
02:52, 8 December 2011 (UTC)reply
"Internationally, the album was also less widely successful than Infinity on High" - similar thing here. Also there is bias because of the word "Internationally", which refers to anything outside the United States. Say "Outside the US" instead.
Done.
"Wentz wrote furiously on his blog" - "Furiously" is too much. How about "angrily" or "in frustration".
Done.
Images
The image in the Background section has an irrelevant caption to the section's topic.
The article is on hold for seven days, during which you will have to respond to the issues above for this article to pass. Good luck! —
WP:PENGUIN·[
TALK ]20:27, 7 December 2011 (UTC)reply
Day 7 is up. It appears as all my concerns have been addressed, and one has been responded to on the nominator's talk page. I am listing this article as a GA. Congratulations and this review is closed. —
WP:PENGUIN·[
TALK ]19:26, 14 December 2011 (UTC)reply
FN 33
[1] is dead and must be replaced. This is according to a
Checklinks scan.
Replaced
Sources have been verified as reliable.
"believing he 'dominated' the band's previous record" - quotation not supported by source. The source says "dominating", but not "dominated".
Removed quotes
"Working again with Neal Avron — the primary producer of Fall Out Boy's last two records — the quartet made a decision to dial back the heavily multitracked sound of their last album." -
WP:PLAGIARISM. The text was directly copied from the source without quotations, constituting a copyvio.
Reworded
"Stump entered the studio with music for nearly 50 songs." - close paraphrasing
"Like the band's two previous releases, the music was composed" - strange connection. What music? Do you mean "Like the band's two previous releases, Folie à Deux was composed"?
This is supposed to establish the fact that the music was written by Stump, and the lyrics were written by Wentz. I was trying to differentiate the two. I can see how it would be confusing though. Do you have any suggestions?
Basilisk4u (
talk)
02:39, 8 December 2011 (UTC)reply
Always use full name of album. Never refer to it as simply "Folie".
Done.
"the more negative ones" → "negative reviews"
Done.
"In March 2008, the band... However, the band..." - repetitive prose.
Done.
"This led to having more material to shift through"
Done.
"Various rumors that circulated on the Internet varied from the album consisting entirely of acoustic folk to rap-rock" - Ungrammatical.
Reworded
"However, the sessions were not without difficulty." - easier to simply say "However, the sessions were difficult."
Done.
"while his other styles were inspired by Metallica, Prince, and the Rolling Stones." - band is called "
The Rolling Stones", not "Rolling Stones".
Done.
"'Headfirst Slide into Cooperstown on a Bad Bet' is an example of the album's theme of contrasting moods, and 'struts in on a massive drum line and crunching, processed guitars, gets amplified by a four-piece horn section, then falls away to a simple, somber piano line.'" - according to whom?
Clarified
Normally, ellipses are not used in the beginning of quotations.
Done.
"Stump tagged Folie à Deux a 'message record'" - missing word "as"?
Second paragraph of the Lyrics section is a
WP:QUOTEFARM. Consider paraphrasing some quotations.
Done.
Redundant words in phrases: "Wentz contacted Chueh personally" and "and posted them to the band's official website."
Done.
"a blog post of a press release was made on the band's FriendsOrEnemies.com page officially announcing Folie à Deux" → "a blog post of a press release was made on the band's FriendsOrEnemies.com page; it announced Folie à Deux"
"that the early November was in doubt, citing concerns over the planned election day tie-in." - The early November what? The early November date?
Done, yes I meant to say the date haha
" Fall Out Boy released several songs on iTunes before the release of Folie à Deux, which, when purchased, would go towards purchasing the entire album as part of the "Complete My Album" feature. " - ? Re-write in proper grammar because I do not know what this means. What is "which" referring to?
It is supposed to refer to the songs that were purchased. I reworded it
"thereafter" → "after"
Done.
"'I Don't Care' was followed a month later by the digital release of 'Headfirst Slide into Cooperstown on a Bad Bet' on October 7, 2008."
Done.
"and compared it to labelmates" - why is "labelmates" plural?
Done.
How can a tour be a commentary? Clarify?
Clarified
Manual of style
Numbers above nine should be written as numerals. So watch out throughout the article, especially in the Reception section.
Web-only refs like "MTV News", "AbsolutePunk", "A.V. Club" and "LukeChueh.com" are not italicized. Magazines and newspapers like Billboard and The Observer are.
All newspapers must use the {{cite news}} template if you are using citation templates. In other words, the publisher for newspaper refs must be in parentheses.
It is the opposite for web-only refs, like MTV News. So do not have "MTV News (Viacom)". Instead, go with "MTV News. Viacom." Same with The AV Club and AbsolutePunk and other web-exclusive sources.
"Deciding to postpone the album release in a season in which A-list artists" - "A-list" is a POV term.
Done.
"Folie à Deux did not perform as well commercially as its predecessor, Infinity on High." - This is personal interpretation of level of success. Success could mean total sales, or highest chart position, or anything really.
I see what you mean, but it is a fact that Folie à Deux reached number eight on the Billboard 200, while Infinity on High reached number one. Also, Folie à Deux went only Gold while Infinity on High went Platinum. I am not sure how to express this in the article.
Basilisk4u (
talk)
02:52, 8 December 2011 (UTC)reply
"Internationally, the album was also less widely successful than Infinity on High" - similar thing here. Also there is bias because of the word "Internationally", which refers to anything outside the United States. Say "Outside the US" instead.
Done.
"Wentz wrote furiously on his blog" - "Furiously" is too much. How about "angrily" or "in frustration".
Done.
Images
The image in the Background section has an irrelevant caption to the section's topic.
The article is on hold for seven days, during which you will have to respond to the issues above for this article to pass. Good luck! —
WP:PENGUIN·[
TALK ]20:27, 7 December 2011 (UTC)reply
Day 7 is up. It appears as all my concerns have been addressed, and one has been responded to on the nominator's talk page. I am listing this article as a GA. Congratulations and this review is closed. —
WP:PENGUIN·[
TALK ]19:26, 14 December 2011 (UTC)reply