The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
I linked non-linear and tension. The rest I do not want to link because they are common enough words that the average reader will be able to understand without the link, per
MOS:OVERLINK.
Z1720 (
talk)
16:20, 7 August 2023 (UTC)reply
Understood, but please note that linking is not just about uncommon words, but can be used to "increase readers' understanding of the topic" (see
WP:LINK). In view of this I would certain considering linking choreography, a key term in this article.
Amitchell125 (
talk)
17:33, 7 August 2023 (UTC)reply
Introduce Crystal Pite; Marcelino Sambé; Kristen McNally (here and where they first appear in the main article).
I don't know what you mean by "introduce". The Pite and Sambe are wikilinked, and their roles as choreographer and dancers are mentioned. I think any additional information about them would be off-topic.
Z1720 (
talk)
16:20, 7 August 2023 (UTC)reply
My apologies for not being clearer, I would for instance amend a one-act contemporary ballet by Crystal Pite to something like 'a one-act contemporary ballet by the Canadian
choreographer and dancer Crystal Pite'. It shouldn't be necessary for readers to use links or have to read on so as to work out who a person is. This is particularly true in the lead section, which "may be the only portion of the article that [someone reads]". (see
WP:LEAD).
Amitchell125 (
talk)
17:41, 7 August 2023 (UTC)reply
Added that Pite is a Canadian choreographer. I don't want to put dancer here because I do not think she is performing anymore at this time (choreographer is her current occupation, dancer would be a previous occupation). Added "dancers" before Sambe and McNally's names.
The ballet won the Laurence Olivier Award for Best New Dance Production – I would add the year.
queues – I would elaborate on this a bit to ensure readers are clear about what is being referred to here, as queueing is not generally associated with ballet dancing.
I put "formations of queues" and wikilinked queue to help explain this.
Consider incorporating an image within the infobox (I can help upload a non-free image if you wish).
It is generally good practice for a link to appear whenever it first appears in a section (
MOS:REPEATLINK), so the links made in the lead should reappear in the main text (i.e. in this section, and other link elsewhere): act; ballet; choreography; Pite (with her full name).
Introduced Crystal Pite, using full name and wikilink. The others I think are common enough words that they won't need wikilinks.
Z1720 (
talk)
16:38, 7 August 2023 (UTC)reply
Thanks (I would link choreography though, see above).
Link Crystal Pite (in the caption); motif (presumably
Motif (narrative)).
Done
Introduce Lucía Piquero Álvarez.
Done
Nancy Bryant; Jay Gower Taylor; Tom Visser – are these individuals notable enough to mentioned here?
Since they were part of the production of the piece, I felt they should be mentioned. There are no FAs in dance productions, so I used film FAs as templates for the article structure; they often include various production credits and since Flight Pattern has so few, I included everyone that I could cite as involved in the production.
Z1720 (
talk)
16:50, 7 August 2023 (UTC)reply
Understood. AM
3 Performances
Introduce Sidi Larbi Cherkaoui.
I think including information about Cherkaoui would be off-topic. He's wikilinked and I think it's clear that its referring to a piece that he created.
Z1720 (
talk)
16:53, 7 August 2023 (UTC)reply
described by reviewers as beautiful and a masterful showcase of ensemble choreography – as not all reviewers described the work in this way, I would put the words by Watts and Schabas in quote marks, and name them.
Sambé and McNally's performances were positively highlighted by reviewers – the citations don’t verify the text here, they only give two examples of positive reviews. The text should, I think, reflect this.
I removed the sentence, as I think the subsequent sentences give more specific detail about reviewer's comments on Sambe and McNally's performances.
Sambé's performance was called emotionally powerful - why emotionally? Neither of the sources use this word. Consider modifying to something like ‘Sambé's performance was called powerful by some reviewers’.
I changed the sentence to put Watts's comments in quotes.
while reviewers praised – ‘whilst other reviewers praised’?
I’m unclear why the first paragraph appears here, so late in the article. Consider moving it up, perhaps to the top of the article, under the title ‘Theme’.
I looked through some FAs on theatrical productions, and sections such as "Theme" and "Critical analysis" usually appear later in the article. I put the Theme after Development because I think it was easier for the reader to understand, and chronologically accurate, to explain Pite's influence in creating the piece before the critical analysis. Perhaps "Themes" should be placed before "Critical reviews"?
Z1720 (
talk)
17:33, 7 August 2023 (UTC)reply
Understood—there's no hard and fast rule here (applying them is in part what GA reviews are about). I would move it up to where you suggest, though.
The external link doesn’t lead to any information about the work, and so should not appear here. There is an external link to the work from this website (found when a search is made, but it is a subscription only link, and so this should not be used either (
WP:LINKSTOAVOID).
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
I linked non-linear and tension. The rest I do not want to link because they are common enough words that the average reader will be able to understand without the link, per
MOS:OVERLINK.
Z1720 (
talk)
16:20, 7 August 2023 (UTC)reply
Understood, but please note that linking is not just about uncommon words, but can be used to "increase readers' understanding of the topic" (see
WP:LINK). In view of this I would certain considering linking choreography, a key term in this article.
Amitchell125 (
talk)
17:33, 7 August 2023 (UTC)reply
Introduce Crystal Pite; Marcelino Sambé; Kristen McNally (here and where they first appear in the main article).
I don't know what you mean by "introduce". The Pite and Sambe are wikilinked, and their roles as choreographer and dancers are mentioned. I think any additional information about them would be off-topic.
Z1720 (
talk)
16:20, 7 August 2023 (UTC)reply
My apologies for not being clearer, I would for instance amend a one-act contemporary ballet by Crystal Pite to something like 'a one-act contemporary ballet by the Canadian
choreographer and dancer Crystal Pite'. It shouldn't be necessary for readers to use links or have to read on so as to work out who a person is. This is particularly true in the lead section, which "may be the only portion of the article that [someone reads]". (see
WP:LEAD).
Amitchell125 (
talk)
17:41, 7 August 2023 (UTC)reply
Added that Pite is a Canadian choreographer. I don't want to put dancer here because I do not think she is performing anymore at this time (choreographer is her current occupation, dancer would be a previous occupation). Added "dancers" before Sambe and McNally's names.
The ballet won the Laurence Olivier Award for Best New Dance Production – I would add the year.
queues – I would elaborate on this a bit to ensure readers are clear about what is being referred to here, as queueing is not generally associated with ballet dancing.
I put "formations of queues" and wikilinked queue to help explain this.
Consider incorporating an image within the infobox (I can help upload a non-free image if you wish).
It is generally good practice for a link to appear whenever it first appears in a section (
MOS:REPEATLINK), so the links made in the lead should reappear in the main text (i.e. in this section, and other link elsewhere): act; ballet; choreography; Pite (with her full name).
Introduced Crystal Pite, using full name and wikilink. The others I think are common enough words that they won't need wikilinks.
Z1720 (
talk)
16:38, 7 August 2023 (UTC)reply
Thanks (I would link choreography though, see above).
Link Crystal Pite (in the caption); motif (presumably
Motif (narrative)).
Done
Introduce Lucía Piquero Álvarez.
Done
Nancy Bryant; Jay Gower Taylor; Tom Visser – are these individuals notable enough to mentioned here?
Since they were part of the production of the piece, I felt they should be mentioned. There are no FAs in dance productions, so I used film FAs as templates for the article structure; they often include various production credits and since Flight Pattern has so few, I included everyone that I could cite as involved in the production.
Z1720 (
talk)
16:50, 7 August 2023 (UTC)reply
Understood. AM
3 Performances
Introduce Sidi Larbi Cherkaoui.
I think including information about Cherkaoui would be off-topic. He's wikilinked and I think it's clear that its referring to a piece that he created.
Z1720 (
talk)
16:53, 7 August 2023 (UTC)reply
described by reviewers as beautiful and a masterful showcase of ensemble choreography – as not all reviewers described the work in this way, I would put the words by Watts and Schabas in quote marks, and name them.
Sambé and McNally's performances were positively highlighted by reviewers – the citations don’t verify the text here, they only give two examples of positive reviews. The text should, I think, reflect this.
I removed the sentence, as I think the subsequent sentences give more specific detail about reviewer's comments on Sambe and McNally's performances.
Sambé's performance was called emotionally powerful - why emotionally? Neither of the sources use this word. Consider modifying to something like ‘Sambé's performance was called powerful by some reviewers’.
I changed the sentence to put Watts's comments in quotes.
while reviewers praised – ‘whilst other reviewers praised’?
I’m unclear why the first paragraph appears here, so late in the article. Consider moving it up, perhaps to the top of the article, under the title ‘Theme’.
I looked through some FAs on theatrical productions, and sections such as "Theme" and "Critical analysis" usually appear later in the article. I put the Theme after Development because I think it was easier for the reader to understand, and chronologically accurate, to explain Pite's influence in creating the piece before the critical analysis. Perhaps "Themes" should be placed before "Critical reviews"?
Z1720 (
talk)
17:33, 7 August 2023 (UTC)reply
Understood—there's no hard and fast rule here (applying them is in part what GA reviews are about). I would move it up to where you suggest, though.
The external link doesn’t lead to any information about the work, and so should not appear here. There is an external link to the work from this website (found when a search is made, but it is a subscription only link, and so this should not be used either (
WP:LINKSTOAVOID).
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.