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Gen. Quon: That is quite an impressive GA/FA/FL résumé! I have been meaning to work on some The Office episode articles myself, so let me know if there's anything I can do to help you in that regard! :) I'm currently working on a bunch of Veronica Mars episode articles (several of which are at GA--could you be so kind as to review one as a quid pro quo type thing), but I could take on an Office article or two if you want. Anyways, on with the review! Johanna (aka BenLinus1214)talk to me!see my work22:09, 9 August 2015 (UTC)reply
Thanks! I'm a little busy at the moment, but I'm pretty sure I can knock out one or two of those articles. Give me a few days. :) If I don't respond/forget, feel free to leave a message on my talk page, and I'll be sure to do it!--Gen. Quon(Talk)02:00, 10 August 2015 (UTC)reply
@
BenLinus1214: That would be awesome! And I can do two no prob! As for The Office, really where ever you want to jump in would be great. Seasons one, two, three, four, eight, and nine are all done (although season three and four could use some tidying up). When I last was working on them, I was chipping away at season 7. You're welcome to jump in there if you want!--Gen. Quon(Talk)03:02, 10 August 2015 (UTC)reply
"The episode can trace its origin…" I find this sentence a bit clunky, and it doesn't get the point across very well. Might I suggest "The episode's premise was conceived when Ward was forced to cut a scene involving a high-five from a previous script. Ward enjoyed the scene so much that he decided to write an entire episode based around high-fives."
I know that people differ on this, but I don't like excerpts from particular critics in the lead. If you really want to, you can keep it, but I would prefer just "The episode received largely positive critical reviews."
For those of us who are relatively unfamiliar with the series (I've seen a few episodes, but…) why are you calling BMO "it"?
This is tricky, since BMO is a genderless robot. I could go with the singular "their"/"they", or with a masculine pronoun, but I just went with it. Should that be further clarified?--Gen. Quon(Talk)02:00, 10 August 2015 (UTC)reply
"He traveled to Hawaii to 'treat himself'" What does "treat himself" mean? And why would he need to go to Hawaii and "treat himself" if he were excited?
After the sentence about Twitter, you should probably do a ref to the tweet or something that contains it.
They only mentioned it on the DVD commentary, and I can't seem to find the tweet, so I just added the commentary citation tag immediately after the sentence. Would that work?--Gen. Quon(Talk)02:00, 10 August 2015 (UTC)reply
"The song also contains the short song…" What song is the bigger song?
Is there actually only one review of the episode out there? If so, you can't really say "largely positive critical reviews" up in the lead based on one review. If this is the case, remove the consensus in the lead and keep Sava's thoughts.
This article is within the scope of WikiProject Cartoon Network, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of articles relating to
Cartoon Network on Wikipedia. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join
the discussion and see a list of open tasks.Cartoon NetworkWikipedia:WikiProject Cartoon NetworkTemplate:WikiProject Cartoon NetworkCartoon Network articles
This article is within the scope of WikiProject Television, a collaborative effort to develop and improve Wikipedia articles about
television programs. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page where you can
join the discussion.
To improve this article, please refer to the
style guidelines for the type of work.TelevisionWikipedia:WikiProject TelevisionTemplate:WikiProject Televisiontelevision articles
This article is within the scope of WikiProject Animation, a collaborative effort to build an encyclopedic guide to
animation on Wikipedia. If you would like to participate, you can
the article attached to this page, help out with the
open tasks, or contribute to the
discussion.AnimationWikipedia:WikiProject AnimationTemplate:WikiProject AnimationAnimation articles
@
Gen. Quon: That is quite an impressive GA/FA/FL résumé! I have been meaning to work on some The Office episode articles myself, so let me know if there's anything I can do to help you in that regard! :) I'm currently working on a bunch of Veronica Mars episode articles (several of which are at GA--could you be so kind as to review one as a quid pro quo type thing), but I could take on an Office article or two if you want. Anyways, on with the review! Johanna (aka BenLinus1214)talk to me!see my work22:09, 9 August 2015 (UTC)reply
Thanks! I'm a little busy at the moment, but I'm pretty sure I can knock out one or two of those articles. Give me a few days. :) If I don't respond/forget, feel free to leave a message on my talk page, and I'll be sure to do it!--Gen. Quon(Talk)02:00, 10 August 2015 (UTC)reply
@
BenLinus1214: That would be awesome! And I can do two no prob! As for The Office, really where ever you want to jump in would be great. Seasons one, two, three, four, eight, and nine are all done (although season three and four could use some tidying up). When I last was working on them, I was chipping away at season 7. You're welcome to jump in there if you want!--Gen. Quon(Talk)03:02, 10 August 2015 (UTC)reply
"The episode can trace its origin…" I find this sentence a bit clunky, and it doesn't get the point across very well. Might I suggest "The episode's premise was conceived when Ward was forced to cut a scene involving a high-five from a previous script. Ward enjoyed the scene so much that he decided to write an entire episode based around high-fives."
I know that people differ on this, but I don't like excerpts from particular critics in the lead. If you really want to, you can keep it, but I would prefer just "The episode received largely positive critical reviews."
For those of us who are relatively unfamiliar with the series (I've seen a few episodes, but…) why are you calling BMO "it"?
This is tricky, since BMO is a genderless robot. I could go with the singular "their"/"they", or with a masculine pronoun, but I just went with it. Should that be further clarified?--Gen. Quon(Talk)02:00, 10 August 2015 (UTC)reply
"He traveled to Hawaii to 'treat himself'" What does "treat himself" mean? And why would he need to go to Hawaii and "treat himself" if he were excited?
After the sentence about Twitter, you should probably do a ref to the tweet or something that contains it.
They only mentioned it on the DVD commentary, and I can't seem to find the tweet, so I just added the commentary citation tag immediately after the sentence. Would that work?--Gen. Quon(Talk)02:00, 10 August 2015 (UTC)reply
"The song also contains the short song…" What song is the bigger song?
Is there actually only one review of the episode out there? If so, you can't really say "largely positive critical reviews" up in the lead based on one review. If this is the case, remove the consensus in the lead and keep Sava's thoughts.