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Reviewer: Alexandra IDV ( talk · contribs) 19:24, 20 December 2021 (UTC)
Will be reviewing this!-- Alexandra IDV 19:24, 20 December 2021 (UTC)
Infobox
Lead
Gameplay
[...] Chips to issue commands to the TS with it automatically carrying out those commands.unnecessarily repeats that we're talking about commands. I would suggest "[...] Chips to issue commands to the TS, which it automatically carries out."
Synopsis
The Middle Eastern nation of Istar attempted to broker peace between the surviving nations, but its king was assassinated and his two sons end up in conflict.- is all of this part of a prologue/backstory/flashback? Because if so, the final it about the two sons should also be in past tense.
The older son Aerbel establishes himself as dictator of Istar with the backing of the Syrian military, while the younger Kein leads the rebel faction.- some missing commas here ("the older son, Aerbel," and "the younger, Kein,"
Faselei successfully pushed back the Istar armyunless this happens in a flashback, it should be in present tense.
Development
It was directed by Matsuzo Machida [...] It was produced by Jun Mihara,- two short sentences with the same structure, one after another, makes for a choppy, stop-and-go reading experience. I would recommend combining these into one sentence.
The game was first announced in August 1999.[15] It was released in Japan on December 22, 1999.[16]
Unconfirmed estimates place the number of UK copies in circulation at 5000 as of 2004.- considering it's been 17 years since this estimate, I would feel very justified in writing this in past tense: "Unconfirmed estimates placed the number of UK copies [...]"
Reception
A Retro Gamer website article by Nick Thorpe called it [...]- this wording feels weird to me. Why is it important that it's an article on their website as opposed to one in the print magazine? And since we're naming the writer, I would suggest saying that it was Thorpe who called the game things rather than his article.
In a different retrospective article on rare or overlooked video game titles in 2004, GMR [...]- you can skip "different", this one is by GMR and on a different topic, so obviously not the same article as the GameSpot one.
References
volume
and issue
parameter to get it to display correctly.Looks pretty good overall! I will put this on hold for the usual seven days (but do tell me if you need more time given the holidays etc)-- Alexandra IDV 22:17, 21 December 2021 (UTC)
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Reviewing |
Article (
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visual edit |
history) ·
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history) ·
Watch
Reviewer: Alexandra IDV ( talk · contribs) 19:24, 20 December 2021 (UTC)
Will be reviewing this!-- Alexandra IDV 19:24, 20 December 2021 (UTC)
Infobox
Lead
Gameplay
[...] Chips to issue commands to the TS with it automatically carrying out those commands.unnecessarily repeats that we're talking about commands. I would suggest "[...] Chips to issue commands to the TS, which it automatically carries out."
Synopsis
The Middle Eastern nation of Istar attempted to broker peace between the surviving nations, but its king was assassinated and his two sons end up in conflict.- is all of this part of a prologue/backstory/flashback? Because if so, the final it about the two sons should also be in past tense.
The older son Aerbel establishes himself as dictator of Istar with the backing of the Syrian military, while the younger Kein leads the rebel faction.- some missing commas here ("the older son, Aerbel," and "the younger, Kein,"
Faselei successfully pushed back the Istar armyunless this happens in a flashback, it should be in present tense.
Development
It was directed by Matsuzo Machida [...] It was produced by Jun Mihara,- two short sentences with the same structure, one after another, makes for a choppy, stop-and-go reading experience. I would recommend combining these into one sentence.
The game was first announced in August 1999.[15] It was released in Japan on December 22, 1999.[16]
Unconfirmed estimates place the number of UK copies in circulation at 5000 as of 2004.- considering it's been 17 years since this estimate, I would feel very justified in writing this in past tense: "Unconfirmed estimates placed the number of UK copies [...]"
Reception
A Retro Gamer website article by Nick Thorpe called it [...]- this wording feels weird to me. Why is it important that it's an article on their website as opposed to one in the print magazine? And since we're naming the writer, I would suggest saying that it was Thorpe who called the game things rather than his article.
In a different retrospective article on rare or overlooked video game titles in 2004, GMR [...]- you can skip "different", this one is by GMR and on a different topic, so obviously not the same article as the GameSpot one.
References
volume
and issue
parameter to get it to display correctly.Looks pretty good overall! I will put this on hold for the usual seven days (but do tell me if you need more time given the holidays etc)-- Alexandra IDV 22:17, 21 December 2021 (UTC)