Hello! I'll be taking a look at this article for the
January 2022 GAN backlog drive. If you haven't already signed up, please feel free to join in! Although QPQ is not required, if you're feeling generous, I also have a list of GA nominations of my own
right here.
"with the mercenary being tasked" → "and the mercenary is tasked"
I'm slightly confused about the use of references in the first paragraph; generally, per
MOS:PLOTSOURCE, plot/synopsis sections do not need to be cited, since the work itself is a primary source
Development
"party to separate it" → "partly to separate it"
Comma after "console spin-off titles"
"during the development of Far Cry Instincts"
Don't need to cite things in captions if the same thing is cited in the body
Could maybe do with a quote for the phrase "would go all out with the game and accept failure if it came", which reads as a little POV as a paraphrase
"described as a huge challenge" by whom?
"When originally unveiled, it was announced and being developed exclusively for Windows." → "Upon its original unveiling, Far Cry 2 was announced as a Windows-exclusive development."
"for getting the engine running on consoles" → "to establish the engine on consoles"
What kind of "necessary technological limitations"?
"got the game working smoothly on the console" → "worked to smooth over gameplay on the console"
"started out with the basic" → "began with the basic"
"its contemporary novella Heart of Darkness written by Joseph Conrad, in addition to the adaptation Apocalypse Now." → "Joseph Conrad's 1899 novella Heart of Darkness, as well as the more contemporary film adaptation Apocalypse Now (1979)."
"weight so killing them would have" → "weight, allowing their deaths to have"
"was remembered for having" → "was criticized for having"
"and to promote immersion" → "and out of a desire to promote immersion"
"mercenary potentially growing as bad or worse than the Jackal" → "mercenary's morality potentially falling towards or below that of the Jackal's"
Game design
"contrasting against" → "contrasted against"
"elements later in the narrative."
"They also wanted" → "The development team also wanted"
felt they had gone too far should be elaborated on and sentences should not end with a preposition
"mistakes, while maintaining" → "mistakes while still maintaining"
Delink BioShock here, should be linked above
"alongside designing the engine" → "alongside the engine design"
World and art design
"including Antarctica and the planet Mars were proposed and rejected" → "were proposed and rejected, including Antarctica and the planet Mars."
"dropped due to both" → "dropped both due to"
"lack of habitation" → "uninhabited nature"
"Africa was eventually chosen as they could incorporate the presence of malaria and use of blood diamonds as currency into the design, and the variety of environments that could be used." → "The variety of environments available for use helped make Africa the final choice, as well as the ability to incorporate the presence of malaria and use of blood diamonds as currency into the design."
"the Savannah" → "the savanna"
"The team stayed out in the Savannah rather than in a hotel, wanting to get an authentic experience." → "The team chose to camp rather than stay in a hotel, desiring an authentic experience."
"get a look at" → "observe"
"got about 40 hours" → "obtained about 40 hours"
Comma after "following the trip"
A challenge for the team was ensuring the game looked good at every time of day, in addition to ensuring any approach had good aesthetics. Confusing syntax and non-encyclopedic tone
"The team also made killing the animals boring so players would continue to focus on the main content." → "The team also wanted to make hunting an unenjoyable experience that would force the players to focus on the main game content."
"this was seen as a poor choice" by whom?
Music
"they had no equivalent games" → "there were no equivalent games"
"to reference for the game" → "to reference for Far Cry 2"
"of being an action-based shooter and having an emotional sombre narrative" → "as an action-based shooter with an emotional sombre narrative"
"His choice was a less bombastic score" → "He created a less bombastic score"
with limited version installs across three devices but the ability to install it indefinitely provided an earlier install was completely removed from a device. Any way to rephrase to avoid the repetition of "install" three times in one clause?
"The game was released in North America" → "Far Cry 2 was released in North America"
Pipe top-down per instructions on lede
"going through a series of ten missions" → "undergoing a series of ten missions"
"By January the following year, it had sold 2.9 million." → "Sales were up to 2.9 million by the following January"
Metacritic should not be italicized
Awards and retrospective
Comma after "Also in 2008"
"at the National Academy of Video Game Trade Reviewers ceremony, the game was nominated in the "Graphics/Technical" category." → "the game was nominated in the "Graphics/Technical" category at the National academy of Video Game Trade Reviewers ceremony."
Legacy
"which was released in 2012"
"while having a mixed reputation" → "despite his mixed reputation"
References
Good
General comments
Images are fair use (save one CC) and relevant
No stability concerns in revision history
Earwig score indicates no obvious copyright problems
Putting on hold to allow the nominator to address comments. Please ping me with questions, and let me know when you're finished! — GhostRiver20:27, 4 January 2022 (UTC)reply
Hello! I'll be taking a look at this article for the
January 2022 GAN backlog drive. If you haven't already signed up, please feel free to join in! Although QPQ is not required, if you're feeling generous, I also have a list of GA nominations of my own
right here.
"with the mercenary being tasked" → "and the mercenary is tasked"
I'm slightly confused about the use of references in the first paragraph; generally, per
MOS:PLOTSOURCE, plot/synopsis sections do not need to be cited, since the work itself is a primary source
Development
"party to separate it" → "partly to separate it"
Comma after "console spin-off titles"
"during the development of Far Cry Instincts"
Don't need to cite things in captions if the same thing is cited in the body
Could maybe do with a quote for the phrase "would go all out with the game and accept failure if it came", which reads as a little POV as a paraphrase
"described as a huge challenge" by whom?
"When originally unveiled, it was announced and being developed exclusively for Windows." → "Upon its original unveiling, Far Cry 2 was announced as a Windows-exclusive development."
"for getting the engine running on consoles" → "to establish the engine on consoles"
What kind of "necessary technological limitations"?
"got the game working smoothly on the console" → "worked to smooth over gameplay on the console"
"started out with the basic" → "began with the basic"
"its contemporary novella Heart of Darkness written by Joseph Conrad, in addition to the adaptation Apocalypse Now." → "Joseph Conrad's 1899 novella Heart of Darkness, as well as the more contemporary film adaptation Apocalypse Now (1979)."
"weight so killing them would have" → "weight, allowing their deaths to have"
"was remembered for having" → "was criticized for having"
"and to promote immersion" → "and out of a desire to promote immersion"
"mercenary potentially growing as bad or worse than the Jackal" → "mercenary's morality potentially falling towards or below that of the Jackal's"
Game design
"contrasting against" → "contrasted against"
"elements later in the narrative."
"They also wanted" → "The development team also wanted"
felt they had gone too far should be elaborated on and sentences should not end with a preposition
"mistakes, while maintaining" → "mistakes while still maintaining"
Delink BioShock here, should be linked above
"alongside designing the engine" → "alongside the engine design"
World and art design
"including Antarctica and the planet Mars were proposed and rejected" → "were proposed and rejected, including Antarctica and the planet Mars."
"dropped due to both" → "dropped both due to"
"lack of habitation" → "uninhabited nature"
"Africa was eventually chosen as they could incorporate the presence of malaria and use of blood diamonds as currency into the design, and the variety of environments that could be used." → "The variety of environments available for use helped make Africa the final choice, as well as the ability to incorporate the presence of malaria and use of blood diamonds as currency into the design."
"the Savannah" → "the savanna"
"The team stayed out in the Savannah rather than in a hotel, wanting to get an authentic experience." → "The team chose to camp rather than stay in a hotel, desiring an authentic experience."
"get a look at" → "observe"
"got about 40 hours" → "obtained about 40 hours"
Comma after "following the trip"
A challenge for the team was ensuring the game looked good at every time of day, in addition to ensuring any approach had good aesthetics. Confusing syntax and non-encyclopedic tone
"The team also made killing the animals boring so players would continue to focus on the main content." → "The team also wanted to make hunting an unenjoyable experience that would force the players to focus on the main game content."
"this was seen as a poor choice" by whom?
Music
"they had no equivalent games" → "there were no equivalent games"
"to reference for the game" → "to reference for Far Cry 2"
"of being an action-based shooter and having an emotional sombre narrative" → "as an action-based shooter with an emotional sombre narrative"
"His choice was a less bombastic score" → "He created a less bombastic score"
with limited version installs across three devices but the ability to install it indefinitely provided an earlier install was completely removed from a device. Any way to rephrase to avoid the repetition of "install" three times in one clause?
"The game was released in North America" → "Far Cry 2 was released in North America"
Pipe top-down per instructions on lede
"going through a series of ten missions" → "undergoing a series of ten missions"
"By January the following year, it had sold 2.9 million." → "Sales were up to 2.9 million by the following January"
Metacritic should not be italicized
Awards and retrospective
Comma after "Also in 2008"
"at the National Academy of Video Game Trade Reviewers ceremony, the game was nominated in the "Graphics/Technical" category." → "the game was nominated in the "Graphics/Technical" category at the National academy of Video Game Trade Reviewers ceremony."
Legacy
"which was released in 2012"
"while having a mixed reputation" → "despite his mixed reputation"
References
Good
General comments
Images are fair use (save one CC) and relevant
No stability concerns in revision history
Earwig score indicates no obvious copyright problems
Putting on hold to allow the nominator to address comments. Please ping me with questions, and let me know when you're finished! — GhostRiver20:27, 4 January 2022 (UTC)reply