The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Reviewer: Vaticidalprophet ( talk · contribs) 01:15, 29 August 2023 (UTC)
Interesting one! First few quick points...
During the trial, the prosecution alleged that Moloise's motivation for killing Selepe was driven by revenge-- this is overwritten, "was driven by" isn't necessary.
I find I have very few comments on prose, though I'll give another quick check later. Will check the sources soon. Vaticidal prophet 01:15, 29 August 2023 (UTC)
Just working through now.
he would later retract the statement during his trialdoesn't need 'would' ("he later retracted the statement during his trial"), nor does it need the link to 'trial'
Vaticidal prophet 20:51, 1 September 2023 (UTC)
Despite Jana's objections-- aren't people usually convicted of crimes despite the objections of their defense lawyer? That is, I'm not sure this is necessary rather than just going to "and then he was convicted". The paragraph already makes the problematic elements of that conviction clear.
While not all nations shared equal enthusiasm for the proposal-- any specific examples?
they'd be in meetings foreveruses a contraction, which is best to avoid -- the direct quote from the source of "we would be meeting all the time" can be used in quotemarks and gets the tone across just as well.
I don't find I have comments on the later sections. This is a strong article for which most of the issues are stylistic rather than underlying, and I hope to promote it soon. Vaticidal prophet 03:34, 6 September 2023 (UTC)
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Reviewer: Vaticidalprophet ( talk · contribs) 01:15, 29 August 2023 (UTC)
Interesting one! First few quick points...
During the trial, the prosecution alleged that Moloise's motivation for killing Selepe was driven by revenge-- this is overwritten, "was driven by" isn't necessary.
I find I have very few comments on prose, though I'll give another quick check later. Will check the sources soon. Vaticidal prophet 01:15, 29 August 2023 (UTC)
Just working through now.
he would later retract the statement during his trialdoesn't need 'would' ("he later retracted the statement during his trial"), nor does it need the link to 'trial'
Vaticidal prophet 20:51, 1 September 2023 (UTC)
Despite Jana's objections-- aren't people usually convicted of crimes despite the objections of their defense lawyer? That is, I'm not sure this is necessary rather than just going to "and then he was convicted". The paragraph already makes the problematic elements of that conviction clear.
While not all nations shared equal enthusiasm for the proposal-- any specific examples?
they'd be in meetings foreveruses a contraction, which is best to avoid -- the direct quote from the source of "we would be meeting all the time" can be used in quotemarks and gets the tone across just as well.
I don't find I have comments on the later sections. This is a strong article for which most of the issues are stylistic rather than underlying, and I hope to promote it soon. Vaticidal prophet 03:34, 6 September 2023 (UTC)