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Reviewer: Carbrera ( talk · contribs) 08:48, 26 June 2016 (UTC)
- Replace "Erichto's role in Pharsalia has been much discussed by classicists" with "Enrichto's role in Pharsalia has often been discussed by classicists".
- Done.-- Gen. Quon (Talk) 20:38, 30 June 2016 (UTC)
- Consider breaking up the last sentence, it's a little long and confusing to read.
- Done.-- Gen. Quon (Talk) 20:38, 30 June 2016 (UTC)
- Replace "It is likely that the character was inspired by legends of Thessalian witches that had developed during the period of Classical Greece" with "It is likely that the character was inspired by the legends of Thessalian witches developed during Classical Greece period".
- I changed it just slightly, but used your suggestion as the basis.-- Gen. Quon (Talk) 20:38, 30 June 2016 (UTC)
- When you say "she uses the body parts from these locales" - wouldn't it be locals and not locales?
- I meant the latter, referring to "graveyards, gibbets, and the battlefields", but I changed it to make it a little clearer.-- Gen. Quon (Talk) 20:38, 30 June 2016 (UTC)
- Replace "Indeed, she delight in otherwise" with "Indeed, she delighted".
- Done.-- Gen. Quon (Talk) 20:38, 30 June 2016 (UTC)
- Replace "It is exactly for this reason" with "It is for this reason".
- Done.-- Gen. Quon (Talk) 20:38, 30 June 2016 (UTC)
- Insert comma before and after himself in the excerpt "Medieval belief that Virgil himself was".
- Done.-- Gen. Quon (Talk) 20:38, 30 June 2016 (UTC)
- Close the quote "not so abominable as the wretched poets [i.e. Lucan and Ovid] painted me." - you forgot the last quotation. And maybe rethink the use of the brackets and replace with parenthesizes?
- I added the quote. Isn't the use of brackets the most commonly used technique for inserting additional information into a sentence?--
Gen. Quon
(Talk)
20:38, 30 June 2016 (UTC)
- I guess it doesn't really matter. Carbrera ( talk) 22:58, 30 June 2016 (UTC)
- I added the quote. Isn't the use of brackets the most commonly used technique for inserting additional information into a sentence?--
Gen. Quon
(Talk)
20:38, 30 June 2016 (UTC)
The entire article could use some work re-wording. It tries to keep too formal and due to that, sounds fairly awkward at certain points. Anyway, on hold for seven days to allow for these changes. Good luck and thanks, @PING me when you're done. Cheers, Carbrera ( talk) 02:35, 29 June 2016 (UTC).
- I'll comb over it in the next few days and try to fix awkward spots.--
Gen. Quon
(Talk)
20:39, 30 June 2016 (UTC)
- @ Carbrera: would these changes be acceptable?-- Gen. Quon (Talk) 22:10, 6 July 2016 (UTC)
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| Reviewing |
Article (
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Reviewer: Carbrera ( talk · contribs) 08:48, 26 June 2016 (UTC)
- Replace "Erichto's role in Pharsalia has been much discussed by classicists" with "Enrichto's role in Pharsalia has often been discussed by classicists".
- Done.-- Gen. Quon (Talk) 20:38, 30 June 2016 (UTC)
- Consider breaking up the last sentence, it's a little long and confusing to read.
- Done.-- Gen. Quon (Talk) 20:38, 30 June 2016 (UTC)
- Replace "It is likely that the character was inspired by legends of Thessalian witches that had developed during the period of Classical Greece" with "It is likely that the character was inspired by the legends of Thessalian witches developed during Classical Greece period".
- I changed it just slightly, but used your suggestion as the basis.-- Gen. Quon (Talk) 20:38, 30 June 2016 (UTC)
- When you say "she uses the body parts from these locales" - wouldn't it be locals and not locales?
- I meant the latter, referring to "graveyards, gibbets, and the battlefields", but I changed it to make it a little clearer.-- Gen. Quon (Talk) 20:38, 30 June 2016 (UTC)
- Replace "Indeed, she delight in otherwise" with "Indeed, she delighted".
- Done.-- Gen. Quon (Talk) 20:38, 30 June 2016 (UTC)
- Replace "It is exactly for this reason" with "It is for this reason".
- Done.-- Gen. Quon (Talk) 20:38, 30 June 2016 (UTC)
- Insert comma before and after himself in the excerpt "Medieval belief that Virgil himself was".
- Done.-- Gen. Quon (Talk) 20:38, 30 June 2016 (UTC)
- Close the quote "not so abominable as the wretched poets [i.e. Lucan and Ovid] painted me." - you forgot the last quotation. And maybe rethink the use of the brackets and replace with parenthesizes?
- I added the quote. Isn't the use of brackets the most commonly used technique for inserting additional information into a sentence?--
Gen. Quon
(Talk)
20:38, 30 June 2016 (UTC)
- I guess it doesn't really matter. Carbrera ( talk) 22:58, 30 June 2016 (UTC)
- I added the quote. Isn't the use of brackets the most commonly used technique for inserting additional information into a sentence?--
Gen. Quon
(Talk)
20:38, 30 June 2016 (UTC)
The entire article could use some work re-wording. It tries to keep too formal and due to that, sounds fairly awkward at certain points. Anyway, on hold for seven days to allow for these changes. Good luck and thanks, @PING me when you're done. Cheers, Carbrera ( talk) 02:35, 29 June 2016 (UTC).
- I'll comb over it in the next few days and try to fix awkward spots.--
Gen. Quon
(Talk)
20:39, 30 June 2016 (UTC)
- @ Carbrera: would these changes be acceptable?-- Gen. Quon (Talk) 22:10, 6 July 2016 (UTC)