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Hello, Rearm21. I have begun my review of your draft. Major issues I noticed are enumerated below.
1. The source you have cited for the claims about Jamias's grandfather, FindAGrave.com, is not considered a reliable source for Wikipedia purposes, because anyone can edit it to say anything. So you still need a source for that set of claims. (You need a reliable source or sources for the claim that Mariano Jamias was a member of the armed forces branch and detachment listed, and the claim that he died on the Bataan Death March, and the claim that he was Elmer Jamias's grandfather. It's possible one source might confirm all four claims; a newspaper article about either man, for example, might suffice... but not an obituary, because those are typically submitted by the family and have no editorial oversight.)
2. A. The Philippine Star article "Elmer Jamias defied Jejomar Binay", which you have cited as a source proving he is a member of the Philippine Guardian Brotherhood, does not mention that brotherhood at all!
2. B. However, that article does state that Jamias is "a member of the Philippine National Police Academy Class of 1986", so it should be cited as the source for that claim.
2. C. I am completely unfamiliar with Philippine politics, but the "standoff" (a more encyclopedic word would be confrontation) between Jamias and Vice President Binay seems like something that should probably be included in the article about Jamias... and you already have a source for it.
3. There is scattered promotional language throughout the draft. Some examples:
3. A. "He belongs to the Philippine National Police Academy class 1986 with an outstanding scholastic record who earned his Master of Business Administration at Wesleyan University Philippines in 2001 and Master's degree in Criminology at Philippine College of Criminology and then found time to finish his PhD in management in 2009 at the International Academy of Management and Economics." (The bolded phrases are overly promotional and should be cut. If he graduated with honors, simply state that... if you have a reliable source.)
3. B. "His expertise and experience in the field of Police Intelligence Operations,Internal security and Community Relations Service were thoroughly honed when he was assigned in the different police offices from North to South Regions of our country such as:" (Again the bolded words are overly promotional. Also, the Philippines should not be referred to as "our country" in a Wikipedia article, as Wikipedia articles are read by people all over the world, not just the Philippines.)
3. C. "Notable Accomplishments and Meritorious Promotions" (No. Jamias's accomplishments should be listed in chronological order under a heading called simply "Career", and each accomplishment should of course be cited to a reliable source. The word "accomplishment" should be avoided, however, unless it's a sourced direct quotation.)
Please note that I have not yet listed every issue that exists with this draft. It also needs some basic copy-editing, for example, but I think that for the most part it will be best to focus on the issues that would prevent your draft from being accepted first. I am watching this page, so I will get an alert when you reply here.
Remember to indent your reply by starting each paragraph with a colon : and to sign your reply with four tildes ~~~~. — GrammarFascist contribs talk 06:43, 10 August 2017 (UTC)
Hello again, Rearm21. Because you say you are "only following [your] boss order", you will need to read and comply with Wikipedia's paid editing policy. I believe the easiest way for you to do this is to create your user page, by clicking your username where it appears in red anywhere on this page, and state your own and your boss's job titles or ranks and that you are contributing to the Elmer Jamias article at his direction. It is essential and urgent that you comply with this policy because if you do not you may be blocked from editing Wikipedia at all.
You should also read and comply with Wikipedia's conflict of interest guidelines, since I suspect that your boss is Elmer Jamias or someone else in Philippine law enforcement. One of the stipulations of the COI guidelines is that someone with a conflict of interest should preferably not edit or create articles themselves, but instead propose changes (and provide reliable sources for those changes!) on the talk page of the article in question. You have already provided some sources in this draft, which I will attempt to use to create an appropriate article consistent with Wikipedia policies. And you can show this page, and the two pages I have linked above, to your boss so that he will understand why you cannot simply write an article full of unsourced information yourself.
I am now going to create that new draft article about Mr. Jamias. This will take some time. In the meantime, please place the disclosure I suggested above on your user page. Thank you. — GrammarFascist contribs talk 04:47, 12 August 2017 (UTC)
here are the articles: http://newsinfo.inquirer.net/702184/police-exec-jamias-vp-mocked-my-being-a-cop-pnp-to-file-charges http://news.abs-cbn.com/list/tag/elmer-jamias http://cnnphilippines.com/news/2015/07/04/Jamias-and-selective-justice-praise.html http://ncrpo.pnp.gov.ph/index.php/ncrpo-activities/405-pcsupt-elmer-jamias-district-director-epd-boosting-the-morale-of-deployed-pnp-personnel-and-force-multipliers-at-pasig-city http://www.gmanetwork.com/news/news/metro/535382/jamias-believes-he-has-a-strong-case-vs-vp-binay/story/ http://manilastandard.net/2015/07/02/spd-ground-commander-sr-supt-elmer-jamias-says-cops-will-remain-around-makati-city-hall-to-prevent-any-trouble-from-breaking-out- Rearm21 ( talk) 08:56, 12 August 2017 (UTC)
Hello again, Rearm21, and thank you for finding those sources for me. I was able to use several of them, as you will see in the article. You will also find that I included some negative information about Mr. Jamias, specifically about two times he was suspended, in keeping with Wikipedia's policy of neutrally reporting on subjects of our articles. Mr. Jamias may not appreciate the inclusion of that information, but please do not remove it; rather, if you consider it inappropriate, start a conversation on the article's talk page, and other editors will build a consensus there as to whether to keep, modify, or remove that information. You should also use the article's talk page to suggest any further additions to the article. I know that a great deal of the information in the draft you were handed is not present in the article, and you (and he) may be wondering why. It is because, as I mentioned before, all information in a biography of a living person must be cited to a reliable source. If I had included other unsourced information, such as the other awards he received, that would have increased the risk of the article being deleted. If you can find newspaper articles documenting other such awards, I will be happy to add those to the article. — GrammarFascist contribs talk 15:50, 12 August 2017 (UTC)
http://entertainment.inquirer.net/173458/watch-jinggoy-estrada-played-elmer-jamias-in-2000-action-film https://coconuts.co/manila/news/better-letter-biopic-elmer-jamias-shown-2000/ it stated here that he received an award "outstanding manilan award" sorry if im asking too much but please can you expand the details and information in the article so it would be quite long. Rearm21 ( talk) 07:00, 13 August 2017 (UTC)
Rearm21, please DO NOT edit or delete what other people have written on a talk page (although you may edit your own contributions to talk pages). While doing so is not strictly speaking a rule violation, it is strongly frowned-upon... and rude.
In reverting (fixing) your deletions, I unfortunately had to delete the one line you added while deleting several paragraphs. However, I can still answer your questions. First, yes, I believe Elmer Jamias is notable, otherwise I would not have created an article about him. Second, yes, I think it will be appropriate to add some details about the film, and also a fuller description of the confrontation with VP Binay. I actually spent a couple of hours today creating the Outstanding Manilan Award article to establish the notability of that award so that it would be appropriate to list the award among Mr. Jamias's accomplishments in the article about him — if I hadn't, any other editor coming across the Elmer Jamias article could have rightfully deleted mention of the award.
Notability is all-important here on Wikipedia.
I have been and continue to be happy to help you by creating these Wikipedia articles in such a way that they will be acceptable to remain on Wikipedia, but you should remember that like nearly all Wikipedia editors, I am an unpaid volunteer, doing this in my own free time.
P.S. Don't forget to use a : to indent your response, and to sign your response with four tildes ~~~~. — GrammarFascist contribs talk 00:05, 14 August 2017 (UTC)
can i submit it now to wikipedia and make the page official? Rearm21 ( talk) 03:23, 14 August 2017 (UTC)
I believe this draft and associated talk page should be merged with Elmer Jamias, as I copied the infobox and some text from this draft when I created the separate draft I eventually moved to mainspace. (Probably I should have made the request sooner, but it slipped my mind. Oops...) Pinging DES and Cullen328 to give me a hand with this; whoever gets here first 'wins'! — GrammarFascist contribs talk 01:44, 16 August 2017 (UTC)
Goodafternoon Editors Can you allow me to delete the negative information about Elmer Jamias which stated that he allegedly extorted "group of tricycle driver" and "issued a police ID into a civilian".I think it was inappropriate to include that because it was only accusation without proof Rearm21 ( talk) 05:05, 13 August 2017 (UTC) ~ Goodevening Editors someone help me please Rearm21 ( talk) 11:25, 13 August 2017 (UTC)
This article must adhere to the biographies of living persons (BLP) policy, even if it is not a biography, because it contains material about living persons. Contentious material about living persons that is unsourced or poorly sourced must be removed immediately from the article and its talk page, especially if potentially libellous. If such material is repeatedly inserted, or if you have other concerns, please report the issue to this noticeboard.If you are a subject of this article, or acting on behalf of one, and you need help, please see this help page. |
This article is rated Start-class on Wikipedia's
content assessment scale. It is of interest to the following WikiProjects: | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
The Wikimedia Foundation's Terms of Use require that editors disclose their "employer, client, and affiliation" with respect to any paid contribution; see WP:PAID. For advice about reviewing paid contributions, see WP:COIRESPONSE. |
The following Wikipedia contributor may be personally or professionally connected to the subject of this article. Relevant policies and guidelines may include
conflict of interest,
autobiography, and
neutral point of view.
|
Hello, Rearm21. I have begun my review of your draft. Major issues I noticed are enumerated below.
1. The source you have cited for the claims about Jamias's grandfather, FindAGrave.com, is not considered a reliable source for Wikipedia purposes, because anyone can edit it to say anything. So you still need a source for that set of claims. (You need a reliable source or sources for the claim that Mariano Jamias was a member of the armed forces branch and detachment listed, and the claim that he died on the Bataan Death March, and the claim that he was Elmer Jamias's grandfather. It's possible one source might confirm all four claims; a newspaper article about either man, for example, might suffice... but not an obituary, because those are typically submitted by the family and have no editorial oversight.)
2. A. The Philippine Star article "Elmer Jamias defied Jejomar Binay", which you have cited as a source proving he is a member of the Philippine Guardian Brotherhood, does not mention that brotherhood at all!
2. B. However, that article does state that Jamias is "a member of the Philippine National Police Academy Class of 1986", so it should be cited as the source for that claim.
2. C. I am completely unfamiliar with Philippine politics, but the "standoff" (a more encyclopedic word would be confrontation) between Jamias and Vice President Binay seems like something that should probably be included in the article about Jamias... and you already have a source for it.
3. There is scattered promotional language throughout the draft. Some examples:
3. A. "He belongs to the Philippine National Police Academy class 1986 with an outstanding scholastic record who earned his Master of Business Administration at Wesleyan University Philippines in 2001 and Master's degree in Criminology at Philippine College of Criminology and then found time to finish his PhD in management in 2009 at the International Academy of Management and Economics." (The bolded phrases are overly promotional and should be cut. If he graduated with honors, simply state that... if you have a reliable source.)
3. B. "His expertise and experience in the field of Police Intelligence Operations,Internal security and Community Relations Service were thoroughly honed when he was assigned in the different police offices from North to South Regions of our country such as:" (Again the bolded words are overly promotional. Also, the Philippines should not be referred to as "our country" in a Wikipedia article, as Wikipedia articles are read by people all over the world, not just the Philippines.)
3. C. "Notable Accomplishments and Meritorious Promotions" (No. Jamias's accomplishments should be listed in chronological order under a heading called simply "Career", and each accomplishment should of course be cited to a reliable source. The word "accomplishment" should be avoided, however, unless it's a sourced direct quotation.)
Please note that I have not yet listed every issue that exists with this draft. It also needs some basic copy-editing, for example, but I think that for the most part it will be best to focus on the issues that would prevent your draft from being accepted first. I am watching this page, so I will get an alert when you reply here.
Remember to indent your reply by starting each paragraph with a colon : and to sign your reply with four tildes ~~~~. — GrammarFascist contribs talk 06:43, 10 August 2017 (UTC)
Hello again, Rearm21. Because you say you are "only following [your] boss order", you will need to read and comply with Wikipedia's paid editing policy. I believe the easiest way for you to do this is to create your user page, by clicking your username where it appears in red anywhere on this page, and state your own and your boss's job titles or ranks and that you are contributing to the Elmer Jamias article at his direction. It is essential and urgent that you comply with this policy because if you do not you may be blocked from editing Wikipedia at all.
You should also read and comply with Wikipedia's conflict of interest guidelines, since I suspect that your boss is Elmer Jamias or someone else in Philippine law enforcement. One of the stipulations of the COI guidelines is that someone with a conflict of interest should preferably not edit or create articles themselves, but instead propose changes (and provide reliable sources for those changes!) on the talk page of the article in question. You have already provided some sources in this draft, which I will attempt to use to create an appropriate article consistent with Wikipedia policies. And you can show this page, and the two pages I have linked above, to your boss so that he will understand why you cannot simply write an article full of unsourced information yourself.
I am now going to create that new draft article about Mr. Jamias. This will take some time. In the meantime, please place the disclosure I suggested above on your user page. Thank you. — GrammarFascist contribs talk 04:47, 12 August 2017 (UTC)
here are the articles: http://newsinfo.inquirer.net/702184/police-exec-jamias-vp-mocked-my-being-a-cop-pnp-to-file-charges http://news.abs-cbn.com/list/tag/elmer-jamias http://cnnphilippines.com/news/2015/07/04/Jamias-and-selective-justice-praise.html http://ncrpo.pnp.gov.ph/index.php/ncrpo-activities/405-pcsupt-elmer-jamias-district-director-epd-boosting-the-morale-of-deployed-pnp-personnel-and-force-multipliers-at-pasig-city http://www.gmanetwork.com/news/news/metro/535382/jamias-believes-he-has-a-strong-case-vs-vp-binay/story/ http://manilastandard.net/2015/07/02/spd-ground-commander-sr-supt-elmer-jamias-says-cops-will-remain-around-makati-city-hall-to-prevent-any-trouble-from-breaking-out- Rearm21 ( talk) 08:56, 12 August 2017 (UTC)
Hello again, Rearm21, and thank you for finding those sources for me. I was able to use several of them, as you will see in the article. You will also find that I included some negative information about Mr. Jamias, specifically about two times he was suspended, in keeping with Wikipedia's policy of neutrally reporting on subjects of our articles. Mr. Jamias may not appreciate the inclusion of that information, but please do not remove it; rather, if you consider it inappropriate, start a conversation on the article's talk page, and other editors will build a consensus there as to whether to keep, modify, or remove that information. You should also use the article's talk page to suggest any further additions to the article. I know that a great deal of the information in the draft you were handed is not present in the article, and you (and he) may be wondering why. It is because, as I mentioned before, all information in a biography of a living person must be cited to a reliable source. If I had included other unsourced information, such as the other awards he received, that would have increased the risk of the article being deleted. If you can find newspaper articles documenting other such awards, I will be happy to add those to the article. — GrammarFascist contribs talk 15:50, 12 August 2017 (UTC)
http://entertainment.inquirer.net/173458/watch-jinggoy-estrada-played-elmer-jamias-in-2000-action-film https://coconuts.co/manila/news/better-letter-biopic-elmer-jamias-shown-2000/ it stated here that he received an award "outstanding manilan award" sorry if im asking too much but please can you expand the details and information in the article so it would be quite long. Rearm21 ( talk) 07:00, 13 August 2017 (UTC)
Rearm21, please DO NOT edit or delete what other people have written on a talk page (although you may edit your own contributions to talk pages). While doing so is not strictly speaking a rule violation, it is strongly frowned-upon... and rude.
In reverting (fixing) your deletions, I unfortunately had to delete the one line you added while deleting several paragraphs. However, I can still answer your questions. First, yes, I believe Elmer Jamias is notable, otherwise I would not have created an article about him. Second, yes, I think it will be appropriate to add some details about the film, and also a fuller description of the confrontation with VP Binay. I actually spent a couple of hours today creating the Outstanding Manilan Award article to establish the notability of that award so that it would be appropriate to list the award among Mr. Jamias's accomplishments in the article about him — if I hadn't, any other editor coming across the Elmer Jamias article could have rightfully deleted mention of the award.
Notability is all-important here on Wikipedia.
I have been and continue to be happy to help you by creating these Wikipedia articles in such a way that they will be acceptable to remain on Wikipedia, but you should remember that like nearly all Wikipedia editors, I am an unpaid volunteer, doing this in my own free time.
P.S. Don't forget to use a : to indent your response, and to sign your response with four tildes ~~~~. — GrammarFascist contribs talk 00:05, 14 August 2017 (UTC)
can i submit it now to wikipedia and make the page official? Rearm21 ( talk) 03:23, 14 August 2017 (UTC)
I believe this draft and associated talk page should be merged with Elmer Jamias, as I copied the infobox and some text from this draft when I created the separate draft I eventually moved to mainspace. (Probably I should have made the request sooner, but it slipped my mind. Oops...) Pinging DES and Cullen328 to give me a hand with this; whoever gets here first 'wins'! — GrammarFascist contribs talk 01:44, 16 August 2017 (UTC)
Goodafternoon Editors Can you allow me to delete the negative information about Elmer Jamias which stated that he allegedly extorted "group of tricycle driver" and "issued a police ID into a civilian".I think it was inappropriate to include that because it was only accusation without proof Rearm21 ( talk) 05:05, 13 August 2017 (UTC) ~ Goodevening Editors someone help me please Rearm21 ( talk) 11:25, 13 August 2017 (UTC)