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Reviewer: Maplestrip ( talk · contribs) 10:51, 14 November 2018 (UTC)
I shall be reviewing this article today, as part of a review trade deal I made with Narutolovehinata5 on Discord. Just skimming the article at a first glance, it seems a bit short and only really has one prose section. This lack of subdivisions in the prose doesn't necessarily keep it from reaching GA status, however. I'll go through the article more thoroughly today; please be patient ^_^ ~ Maplestrip/Mable ( chat) 10:51, 14 November 2018 (UTC)
I cannot pass this article as-is, as I believe it has a few too many issues. I'll give you time to go through the comments listed below and try to improve the article. Best of luck. ~ Maplestrip/Mable ( chat) 14:01, 14 November 2018 (UTC)
At least a few of these comments should be processed before I will pass this article. A few of these are pretty minor, while others are more important. ~ Maplestrip/Mable ( chat) 14:01, 14 November 2018 (UTC)
"Aoi cancelled a scheduled appearance at Animelo Summer Live in August 2015"– The reason for the cancellation should be noted here. This could be "sudden illness" or "doctor's orders" or something along those lines. Right now, it is technically unclear why she "pushed through."
"with the release of the music video "Yakusoku" (約束 Promise) YouTube version."– This feels like an incorrect usage of grammar. "the music video 'X' YouTube version" seems a weird thing to say, and I am not entirely certain how to interpret it.
@ Maplestrip: I've addressed as much as possible some of the most pressing issues that were raised above. The bare references have now been expanded, the lede has been reworded, and the missing releases have been added to the prose. "Cynthia no Hikari" was a digital release so as far as I could tell it wasn't officially considered as one of her numbered singles. I've added some information on her best albums, and I added a second image of her, from her appearance in Russia. Have your concerns been addressed? I'm still not finished with the style section, so if yes, I'd suggest you not pass this until I'm done with it. Thanks. Narutolovehinata5 t c csd new 03:37, 15 November 2018 (UTC)
With four new paragraphs added to the article, I have a few new comments. Despite the fact that you added a lot of prose, the article still seems of high quality!
"In an interview with the website JpopAsia, Aoi detailed her experiences in performing and writing songs for anime."– this line actually adds very little to the article. I recommend getting rid of it and edit the rest of the paragraph a bit so it still flows.
Thanks for the new comments Mable. I think I've been able to address all of the issues you've raised so far: I've added some more information about Blau in both the Biography and Style sections, the J-ENT! reference has been fixed, and the awkward wording raised above has been rephrased. As for the tables part, it's rather uncommon actually to have a list of tie-ups in tables on the English Wikipedia (it's more common in the Japanese one though) so I suppose that part is at best optional. In any case, the tie-ups are mentioned in the prose anyway, though I'm willing to add a separate table for that if you think it's necessary. Hoping this is good now. Narutolovehinata5 t c csd new 23:42, 16 November 2018 (UTC)
"real sadness" or "fun expressions"and sounding like an adult. Moreover, her "previous releases" would just be Prayer, right? Regardless, I'll just pass the article now, as it meets all the GA criteria. Congrats! ~ Maplestrip/Mable ( chat) 18:14, 17 November 2018 (UTC)
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Reviewer: Maplestrip ( talk · contribs) 10:51, 14 November 2018 (UTC)
I shall be reviewing this article today, as part of a review trade deal I made with Narutolovehinata5 on Discord. Just skimming the article at a first glance, it seems a bit short and only really has one prose section. This lack of subdivisions in the prose doesn't necessarily keep it from reaching GA status, however. I'll go through the article more thoroughly today; please be patient ^_^ ~ Maplestrip/Mable ( chat) 10:51, 14 November 2018 (UTC)
I cannot pass this article as-is, as I believe it has a few too many issues. I'll give you time to go through the comments listed below and try to improve the article. Best of luck. ~ Maplestrip/Mable ( chat) 14:01, 14 November 2018 (UTC)
At least a few of these comments should be processed before I will pass this article. A few of these are pretty minor, while others are more important. ~ Maplestrip/Mable ( chat) 14:01, 14 November 2018 (UTC)
"Aoi cancelled a scheduled appearance at Animelo Summer Live in August 2015"– The reason for the cancellation should be noted here. This could be "sudden illness" or "doctor's orders" or something along those lines. Right now, it is technically unclear why she "pushed through."
"with the release of the music video "Yakusoku" (約束 Promise) YouTube version."– This feels like an incorrect usage of grammar. "the music video 'X' YouTube version" seems a weird thing to say, and I am not entirely certain how to interpret it.
@ Maplestrip: I've addressed as much as possible some of the most pressing issues that were raised above. The bare references have now been expanded, the lede has been reworded, and the missing releases have been added to the prose. "Cynthia no Hikari" was a digital release so as far as I could tell it wasn't officially considered as one of her numbered singles. I've added some information on her best albums, and I added a second image of her, from her appearance in Russia. Have your concerns been addressed? I'm still not finished with the style section, so if yes, I'd suggest you not pass this until I'm done with it. Thanks. Narutolovehinata5 t c csd new 03:37, 15 November 2018 (UTC)
With four new paragraphs added to the article, I have a few new comments. Despite the fact that you added a lot of prose, the article still seems of high quality!
"In an interview with the website JpopAsia, Aoi detailed her experiences in performing and writing songs for anime."– this line actually adds very little to the article. I recommend getting rid of it and edit the rest of the paragraph a bit so it still flows.
Thanks for the new comments Mable. I think I've been able to address all of the issues you've raised so far: I've added some more information about Blau in both the Biography and Style sections, the J-ENT! reference has been fixed, and the awkward wording raised above has been rephrased. As for the tables part, it's rather uncommon actually to have a list of tie-ups in tables on the English Wikipedia (it's more common in the Japanese one though) so I suppose that part is at best optional. In any case, the tie-ups are mentioned in the prose anyway, though I'm willing to add a separate table for that if you think it's necessary. Hoping this is good now. Narutolovehinata5 t c csd new 23:42, 16 November 2018 (UTC)
"real sadness" or "fun expressions"and sounding like an adult. Moreover, her "previous releases" would just be Prayer, right? Regardless, I'll just pass the article now, as it meets all the GA criteria. Congrats! ~ Maplestrip/Mable ( chat) 18:14, 17 November 2018 (UTC)