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Reviewer: Oltrepier ( talk · contribs) 08:18, 1 May 2023 (UTC)
@ Eiga-Kevin2: Hello, I'm planning to review this article as soon as possible! I'm sorry you had to wait for so long... Oltrepier ( talk) 08:18, 1 May 2023 (UTC)
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He is considered one of the most important and influential figures in the history of cinema and a creator of the Godzilla and Ultraman franchises.Shouldn't be better to invert these two phrases? Maybe something like this: "A co-creator of the Godzilla and Ultraman franchises, he/Tsuburaya is considered one of the most important and influential figures in the history of cinema [both at national and international level]."
Through Natsu, Tsuburaya was related to the Edo period painter Aōdō Denzen, who brought copper printing and Western painting to Japan, from whom Tsuburaya considered to have inherited his dexterity.That last phrase needs to be clearer, in my opinion: what does "dexterity" mean here?
Though he often daydreamed of flying during his elementary school years, Tsuburaya was interested in regular studies. Consequently, his aunt, Yoshi, predicted he would become prosperous by the age of thirty-three. In 1910, Tsuburaya took an interest in flight due to the success of Japanese aviators. Two years after, he took advantage of a photograph featured in a newspaper article and started building model airplanes as a hobby, an interest he would pursue throughout his entire life.This block, albeit relevant, should definitely be trimmed: remember what I said about editing Wikipedia articles? For me, it would be enough to just write: "During his childhood, Tsuburaya became interested in flying, thanks to the success of Japanese aviators; he soon started building model airplanes as a hobby, an interest he would pursue throughout his entire life."
While at the school, he started working as an inventor at the toy company Utsumi and created some successful products that are still widely used in the 21st century. His devised inventions at the company include the first battery-powered phone capable of making calls, an automatic speed photo box, an "automatic skate" and the toy phone. The latter two earned him a patent fee of ¥500.I know this is sourced, but doesn't it risk to be a slight stretch? I think you could just remove the "successful products" part...
In the spring of 1919, Tsuburaya and his associates held a hanami party at a tea house: during the party, there was a dispute between some of his coworkers and another group at the tea house. In the midst of the brawl, Tsuburaya, who had just returned from the restroom, started conversing with an individual from the other group, named Yoshirō Edamasa, a pioneer of Japanese cinema himself.Honestly, the details about the brawl are a bit confusing in this context: it seems like Edamasa suddenly stopped brawling and turned to Tsuburaya: "Hey you! ... Do you like movies?" But seriously, I think it'd be better if you just wrote that Tsuburaya met Edamasa during that party, without adding too much background.
On The Three Treasures, Tsuburaya used for the first time the "Toho Versatile Process", which he developed on a budget of ¥62 million for widescreen color films and revealed in May of the same year.Can you add a brief explanation about the TVP, if possible?
Tsuburaya directed sequences at a miniature outdoor set on the Miura Coast, which depicted the giant octopus's attack on the Faro Island village: shortly after, he reportedly ate some of the four octopuses for dinner with some of his crew's members.Again, I must admit that second half made me giggle, but I don't think it's necessary to keep it...
@ Eiga-Kevin2: Sorry, I was rather referring about the "Style, themes, and techniques" section, since you mentioned it... Did I miss your edits there? Oltrepier ( talk) 12:09, 4 May 2023 (UTC)
He decided to accomplish special effects sequences in films showcasing his contributions by utilizing miniature effects and synthesis technology involving layered strips of film.Is it me, or the first half of this sentence - until "contributions" - could be even clearer?
Ryfle and Godziszewski stated that the two infrequently socialized outside Toho Studios and were not personal friends, but nevertheless shared a "tsu-ka relationship".Just to clarify, is tsu-ka a synonym for "tight" in this context?
While enduring grueling filming conditions and work schedules, Tsuburaya wore soft hats, suits, and ties at work because of his innovative spirit, intensity, and devotion to his profession.I don't know if this sentence is all that useful at this point, since the two previous paragraphs already give a general sense of his professionalism.
During the early 1970s, Lucas visited Toho when looking for a company to produce the special effects for Star Wars (1977) since Tsuburaya had established the company as a mecca for producing special effects.So, did Lucas himself state that, or it was just an observation from the biography? Also, try to re-word the last words as "as a 'mecca' in the branch/industry", just to avoid redundancy.
The doodle allowed users to have a create Tsuburaya's key monster movies and television shows.Was it a typo with the second verb ("have a create")?
@ Eiga-Kevin2: Alright, I'm happy to tell you I've been given the green light to go ahead with the promotion. Congratulations! Oltrepier ( talk) 14:11, 6 May 2023 (UTC)
GA toolbox |
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Reviewing |
Article (
|
visual edit |
history) ·
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Reviewer: Oltrepier ( talk · contribs) 08:18, 1 May 2023 (UTC)
@ Eiga-Kevin2: Hello, I'm planning to review this article as soon as possible! I'm sorry you had to wait for so long... Oltrepier ( talk) 08:18, 1 May 2023 (UTC)
GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not) |
---|
|
Overall: |
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
He is considered one of the most important and influential figures in the history of cinema and a creator of the Godzilla and Ultraman franchises.Shouldn't be better to invert these two phrases? Maybe something like this: "A co-creator of the Godzilla and Ultraman franchises, he/Tsuburaya is considered one of the most important and influential figures in the history of cinema [both at national and international level]."
Through Natsu, Tsuburaya was related to the Edo period painter Aōdō Denzen, who brought copper printing and Western painting to Japan, from whom Tsuburaya considered to have inherited his dexterity.That last phrase needs to be clearer, in my opinion: what does "dexterity" mean here?
Though he often daydreamed of flying during his elementary school years, Tsuburaya was interested in regular studies. Consequently, his aunt, Yoshi, predicted he would become prosperous by the age of thirty-three. In 1910, Tsuburaya took an interest in flight due to the success of Japanese aviators. Two years after, he took advantage of a photograph featured in a newspaper article and started building model airplanes as a hobby, an interest he would pursue throughout his entire life.This block, albeit relevant, should definitely be trimmed: remember what I said about editing Wikipedia articles? For me, it would be enough to just write: "During his childhood, Tsuburaya became interested in flying, thanks to the success of Japanese aviators; he soon started building model airplanes as a hobby, an interest he would pursue throughout his entire life."
While at the school, he started working as an inventor at the toy company Utsumi and created some successful products that are still widely used in the 21st century. His devised inventions at the company include the first battery-powered phone capable of making calls, an automatic speed photo box, an "automatic skate" and the toy phone. The latter two earned him a patent fee of ¥500.I know this is sourced, but doesn't it risk to be a slight stretch? I think you could just remove the "successful products" part...
In the spring of 1919, Tsuburaya and his associates held a hanami party at a tea house: during the party, there was a dispute between some of his coworkers and another group at the tea house. In the midst of the brawl, Tsuburaya, who had just returned from the restroom, started conversing with an individual from the other group, named Yoshirō Edamasa, a pioneer of Japanese cinema himself.Honestly, the details about the brawl are a bit confusing in this context: it seems like Edamasa suddenly stopped brawling and turned to Tsuburaya: "Hey you! ... Do you like movies?" But seriously, I think it'd be better if you just wrote that Tsuburaya met Edamasa during that party, without adding too much background.
On The Three Treasures, Tsuburaya used for the first time the "Toho Versatile Process", which he developed on a budget of ¥62 million for widescreen color films and revealed in May of the same year.Can you add a brief explanation about the TVP, if possible?
Tsuburaya directed sequences at a miniature outdoor set on the Miura Coast, which depicted the giant octopus's attack on the Faro Island village: shortly after, he reportedly ate some of the four octopuses for dinner with some of his crew's members.Again, I must admit that second half made me giggle, but I don't think it's necessary to keep it...
@ Eiga-Kevin2: Sorry, I was rather referring about the "Style, themes, and techniques" section, since you mentioned it... Did I miss your edits there? Oltrepier ( talk) 12:09, 4 May 2023 (UTC)
He decided to accomplish special effects sequences in films showcasing his contributions by utilizing miniature effects and synthesis technology involving layered strips of film.Is it me, or the first half of this sentence - until "contributions" - could be even clearer?
Ryfle and Godziszewski stated that the two infrequently socialized outside Toho Studios and were not personal friends, but nevertheless shared a "tsu-ka relationship".Just to clarify, is tsu-ka a synonym for "tight" in this context?
While enduring grueling filming conditions and work schedules, Tsuburaya wore soft hats, suits, and ties at work because of his innovative spirit, intensity, and devotion to his profession.I don't know if this sentence is all that useful at this point, since the two previous paragraphs already give a general sense of his professionalism.
During the early 1970s, Lucas visited Toho when looking for a company to produce the special effects for Star Wars (1977) since Tsuburaya had established the company as a mecca for producing special effects.So, did Lucas himself state that, or it was just an observation from the biography? Also, try to re-word the last words as "as a 'mecca' in the branch/industry", just to avoid redundancy.
The doodle allowed users to have a create Tsuburaya's key monster movies and television shows.Was it a typo with the second verb ("have a create")?
@ Eiga-Kevin2: Alright, I'm happy to tell you I've been given the green light to go ahead with the promotion. Congratulations! Oltrepier ( talk) 14:11, 6 May 2023 (UTC)