"The effects of Hurricane Wilma in Mexico consisted of strong winds, record rainfall, and high tides." - I mean, yeah, but this is about as generic of a start as possible. C'mon, dig deep! Be creative!
"Three months prior to Wilma, Hurricane Emily also struck the same region." - Is this needed? If Emily compounded the effects, then sure, but I don't see a connection drawn later in the article.
It was mentioned in quite a few articles. There was still some rebuilding going on. I think it's worth mentioning. It would be more trivial if the storm was a year or more prior. ♫
Hurricanehink (
talk)
13:46, 19 March 2020 (UTC)reply
"The large and powerful hurricane dropped torrential rainfall in the region, with 1,576 mm (62.0 in) recorded at Isla Mujeres over a 24 hour period" - Lemme see a hyphen in 24-hour period.
"Wilma damaged 28,980 houses and destroyed at least 4,571 others." - I think there's some rule somewhere that says the most notable aspects should go first, so destroyed before damaged.
"Wilma contributed to eight deaths in Mexico – seven in Quintana Roo and one Yucatán ." - Missing a word before Yucatan. Also, the period is flying away!
"Wilma weakened as drifted northwestward through the Caribbean over the next two days" - Missing a word. I think we can make everything after the semi-colon a new sentence too.
"As the hurricane approached, these watches were upgraded to a hurricane warning and expanded from Chetumal near Belize to San Felipe, Yucatán" - Plural watches --> plural hurricane warnings.
'Los Premios MTV Latinoamérica – the MTV Video Music Awards Latinoamérica – were canceled due to the hurricane, scheduled originally to occur in Playa del Carmen on October 20." - scheduled originally to originally scheduled? Flows better.
"Hurricane Wilma affected parts of northeast Mexico that were struck by Hurricane Emily in July, as well as Hurricane Stan, which struck Mexico two weeks before Wilma." - Same deal as earlier about whether this is needed.
This is the citation so I can mention it in the lead. We usually mention when areas were affected by a notable landfall, or other additional storms. It helps put the storm into context. ♫
Hurricanehink (
talk)
13:46, 19 March 2020 (UTC)reply
"While drifting near the Yucatán peninsula, Hurricane Wilma set a record in Mexico for the nation's highest 24 hour rainfall total," - HYPHEN
"Hurricane Wilma also damaged coastal coral reefs." - You started the previous sentence with Hurricane Wilma, so maybe "The (hurricane/storm/cyclone)"?
"Across the region, Wilma damaged 473 schools,[1] including about 60% of Quintana Roo's schools; damage to schools was estimated at $156 million (MXN, US$14.8 million)." - Schools are mentioned three different times in this sentence. Maybe change the last usage to "these structures"?
"President Fox pledged that 75% of the hotels would be repaired by December 15, pledging loans and tax breaks to restore the industry." - Lots of pledging.
"On November 28, the Official Journal of the Federation announced a disaster area for nine of Quintana Roo's 11 municipalities" - Numbers under 10 are spelled out, except when combined in a sentence with a higher number. Nine --> 9
"The new beaches were not as smooth or white as the previous beach, which formed naturally over time." - Not entirely sure this is worthy of being mentioned. Not a dealbreaker for me though.
It was mentioned in a few articles. Cancun's beaches used to be pristine white and clean, which was part of its whole international tourist draw. I wasn't sure if I struck the right balance between being informative about the aftermath, or if it's trivial. ♫
Hurricanehink (
talk)
13:46, 19 March 2020 (UTC)reply
"The effects of Hurricane Wilma in Mexico consisted of strong winds, record rainfall, and high tides." - I mean, yeah, but this is about as generic of a start as possible. C'mon, dig deep! Be creative!
"Three months prior to Wilma, Hurricane Emily also struck the same region." - Is this needed? If Emily compounded the effects, then sure, but I don't see a connection drawn later in the article.
It was mentioned in quite a few articles. There was still some rebuilding going on. I think it's worth mentioning. It would be more trivial if the storm was a year or more prior. ♫
Hurricanehink (
talk)
13:46, 19 March 2020 (UTC)reply
"The large and powerful hurricane dropped torrential rainfall in the region, with 1,576 mm (62.0 in) recorded at Isla Mujeres over a 24 hour period" - Lemme see a hyphen in 24-hour period.
"Wilma damaged 28,980 houses and destroyed at least 4,571 others." - I think there's some rule somewhere that says the most notable aspects should go first, so destroyed before damaged.
"Wilma contributed to eight deaths in Mexico – seven in Quintana Roo and one Yucatán ." - Missing a word before Yucatan. Also, the period is flying away!
"Wilma weakened as drifted northwestward through the Caribbean over the next two days" - Missing a word. I think we can make everything after the semi-colon a new sentence too.
"As the hurricane approached, these watches were upgraded to a hurricane warning and expanded from Chetumal near Belize to San Felipe, Yucatán" - Plural watches --> plural hurricane warnings.
'Los Premios MTV Latinoamérica – the MTV Video Music Awards Latinoamérica – were canceled due to the hurricane, scheduled originally to occur in Playa del Carmen on October 20." - scheduled originally to originally scheduled? Flows better.
"Hurricane Wilma affected parts of northeast Mexico that were struck by Hurricane Emily in July, as well as Hurricane Stan, which struck Mexico two weeks before Wilma." - Same deal as earlier about whether this is needed.
This is the citation so I can mention it in the lead. We usually mention when areas were affected by a notable landfall, or other additional storms. It helps put the storm into context. ♫
Hurricanehink (
talk)
13:46, 19 March 2020 (UTC)reply
"While drifting near the Yucatán peninsula, Hurricane Wilma set a record in Mexico for the nation's highest 24 hour rainfall total," - HYPHEN
"Hurricane Wilma also damaged coastal coral reefs." - You started the previous sentence with Hurricane Wilma, so maybe "The (hurricane/storm/cyclone)"?
"Across the region, Wilma damaged 473 schools,[1] including about 60% of Quintana Roo's schools; damage to schools was estimated at $156 million (MXN, US$14.8 million)." - Schools are mentioned three different times in this sentence. Maybe change the last usage to "these structures"?
"President Fox pledged that 75% of the hotels would be repaired by December 15, pledging loans and tax breaks to restore the industry." - Lots of pledging.
"On November 28, the Official Journal of the Federation announced a disaster area for nine of Quintana Roo's 11 municipalities" - Numbers under 10 are spelled out, except when combined in a sentence with a higher number. Nine --> 9
"The new beaches were not as smooth or white as the previous beach, which formed naturally over time." - Not entirely sure this is worthy of being mentioned. Not a dealbreaker for me though.
It was mentioned in a few articles. Cancun's beaches used to be pristine white and clean, which was part of its whole international tourist draw. I wasn't sure if I struck the right balance between being informative about the aftermath, or if it's trivial. ♫
Hurricanehink (
talk)
13:46, 19 March 2020 (UTC)reply