![]() | Edward Hewitt Nichols was nominated as a Agriculture, food and drink good article, but it did not meet the good article criteria at the time (July 29, 2021). There are suggestions on the review page for improving the article. If you can improve it, please do; it may then be renominated. |
This is the
talk page for discussing improvements to the
Edward Hewitt Nichols article. This is not a forum for general discussion of the article's subject. |
Article policies
|
Find sources: Google ( books · news · scholar · free images · WP refs) · FENS · JSTOR · TWL |
![]() | This article is written in Hong Kong English, which has its own spelling conventions (colour, realise, travelled) and some terms that are used in it may be different or absent from other varieties of English. According to the relevant style guide, this should not be changed without broad consensus. |
![]() | This article is rated B-class on Wikipedia's
content assessment scale. It is of interest to the following WikiProjects: | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
![]() | A fact from Edward Hewitt Nichols appeared on Wikipedia's
Main Page in the
Did you know column on 25 March 2021 (
check views). The text of the entry was as follows:
| ![]() |
![]() | Edward Hewitt Nichols ( final version) received a peer review by Wikipedia editors, which on 27 April 2021 was archived. It may contain ideas you can use to improve this article. |
![]() | This article contains a translation of 李國士 from zh.wikipedia. ( 1010787460 et seq.) |
The result was: promoted by
Valereee (
talk)
17:16, 24 March 2021 (UTC)
Created by Aseleste ( talk). Self-nominated at 10:06, 12 March 2021 (UTC).
General: Article is new enough and long enough |
---|
Policy: Article is sourced, neutral, and free of copyright problems |
---|
|
Hook: Hook has been verified by provided inline citation |
---|
|
QPQ: None required. |
Overall:
A very interesting article on a figure probably unknown most outside Hong Kong but who had a major effect on the appearance, leisure options, air quality, etc., of HK, as well as the development of co-ops and credit unions, all with lasting impact. This is a serious composition, length is very good for a fresh article (mainspace 7 March, 3.5k words); I made a little copyedit run, and a little more would be no harm, notably the further removal of "Edward" in most places - we use surnames to maintain encyclopedic distance. Clean bill of health on copyvio / paraphrasing. No picture issues. Two areas need action. Every para is cited, and in more than one location, but there is a direct quote which needs its own citation. Finally the hook... it's clear, and it's cited. But I think it could be more "hooky" - right now there are two names, neither widely known, and a mention of Hong Kong. Passing readers may not be clear why it would be interesting to read further - and yet inside is the story of how Hong Kong came to have so much green space, and more. I'd suggest putting context around at least one name, and trying (without exceeding the 200 char. limit) to convey more of *why* the governor made the comment, so "Governor MacLehose said..." I know, not easy in few words. I'll keep an eye.
SeoR (
talk)
14:20, 20 March 2021 (UTC)
GA toolbox |
---|
Reviewing |
Reviewer: Ado2102 ( talk · contribs) 01:46, 29 July 2021 (UTC)
I will be reviewing this article
Ado2102 (
talk)
01:46, 29 July 2021 (UTC)
This article represents a substantial amount of research and I found myself very interested to learn more about this fascinating character and the processes of HK parks and agriculture/aquaculture administration. However, as discussed further in the comments below, it fails the following elements of good article criteria (in bold):
1. Well-written: a. the prose is clear, concise, and understandable to an appropriately broad audience; spelling and grammar are correct; and b. it complies with the manual of style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation.[2]
3. Broad in its coverage: a. it addresses the main aspects of the topic;[5] and b. it stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style).
This is my primary critique of the article. I do not want to go overly beyond the scope of the GA review, or to get bogged down in stylistic nitpicking, but I think the issues discussed here are relevant to whether the article as a whole is well-written beyond my personal style preferences, as it goes to readability. As part of this, I reviewed the following relevant policies, which I think it worthwhile to share.
It appears that this article attempts to compile every written source in existence on this subject, and to pin-cite each statement it makes in the manner of a legal brief or academic publication. While I want to express my sincere appreciation for the amount of work this takes, I do not think that it makes sense in the encyclopedia format. Here are some examples of what I mean, with respect to biographical detail:
In general: the information in this article is too detailed without sufficient attention to relevance for what makes the subject notable. It should be substantially condensed. Here is a suggested rewrite of Early life:
Consistent with [Wikipedia:Manual of Style/Biography], my primary concern is the "notability" criterion. As earlier reviewer noted, there is an important story here about the creation of green space in Hong Kong, but it is very difficult to discern at first read. Really trimming up the lead may help substantially.
It is not immediately clear why this person is important enough to merit a Wikipedia page. Certainly, everyone is important, but why was he particularly notable and worth writing up? One possible edit to the first sentence to address this: ... was a British colonial official who served as the director of Hong Kong's Agriculture and Fisheries Department from 1965 to 1980 and was (one of the primary proponents of?) Hong Kong's unusually extensive country parks system. He was also..." Some other comments:
Similar to above comments, this is exhaustive but unfocused. I think it could be combined with "early life" into an "early life and career" section and be reduced to one short paragraph: "From 1947 to 1959, Nichols worked in the Sierra Leone colonial government's agricultural division, rising to head director of agriculture in 1957. Among other work, he managed a rice research centre, promoted agricultural mechanisation, and served as assistant superintendent of police of Njala, Moyamba. In 1959 he moved to Hong Kong to become the assistant director of the Hong Kong Agriculture and Fisheries Department, where he managed agricultural affairs."
This is the last subsection but I'll discuss it first.
In general, I would combine this material into brief introductory paragraph to the whole subsection that describes the typical duties of a Director of the Agriculture and Fisheries Department, and consider separating that material into a separate page if you want to go into so much detail about the history and development of the position. All you need to say is that in his role as director he performed a variety of other typical duties, including attending international meetings and representing Hong Kong's interests, and then move onto his major projects section by section.
My comments on this material are consistent with the prior comments.
It is not clear why information is included here rather than in the main biography (e.g., early life). I recommend combining.
The Honours sections is redundant and has other problems:
I recommend adding Silver Jubilee medal to main narrative and deleting the rest of this section.
![]() | Edward Hewitt Nichols was nominated as a Agriculture, food and drink good article, but it did not meet the good article criteria at the time (July 29, 2021). There are suggestions on the review page for improving the article. If you can improve it, please do; it may then be renominated. |
This is the
talk page for discussing improvements to the
Edward Hewitt Nichols article. This is not a forum for general discussion of the article's subject. |
Article policies
|
Find sources: Google ( books · news · scholar · free images · WP refs) · FENS · JSTOR · TWL |
![]() | This article is written in Hong Kong English, which has its own spelling conventions (colour, realise, travelled) and some terms that are used in it may be different or absent from other varieties of English. According to the relevant style guide, this should not be changed without broad consensus. |
![]() | This article is rated B-class on Wikipedia's
content assessment scale. It is of interest to the following WikiProjects: | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
![]() | A fact from Edward Hewitt Nichols appeared on Wikipedia's
Main Page in the
Did you know column on 25 March 2021 (
check views). The text of the entry was as follows:
| ![]() |
![]() | Edward Hewitt Nichols ( final version) received a peer review by Wikipedia editors, which on 27 April 2021 was archived. It may contain ideas you can use to improve this article. |
![]() | This article contains a translation of 李國士 from zh.wikipedia. ( 1010787460 et seq.) |
The result was: promoted by
Valereee (
talk)
17:16, 24 March 2021 (UTC)
Created by Aseleste ( talk). Self-nominated at 10:06, 12 March 2021 (UTC).
General: Article is new enough and long enough |
---|
Policy: Article is sourced, neutral, and free of copyright problems |
---|
|
Hook: Hook has been verified by provided inline citation |
---|
|
QPQ: None required. |
Overall:
A very interesting article on a figure probably unknown most outside Hong Kong but who had a major effect on the appearance, leisure options, air quality, etc., of HK, as well as the development of co-ops and credit unions, all with lasting impact. This is a serious composition, length is very good for a fresh article (mainspace 7 March, 3.5k words); I made a little copyedit run, and a little more would be no harm, notably the further removal of "Edward" in most places - we use surnames to maintain encyclopedic distance. Clean bill of health on copyvio / paraphrasing. No picture issues. Two areas need action. Every para is cited, and in more than one location, but there is a direct quote which needs its own citation. Finally the hook... it's clear, and it's cited. But I think it could be more "hooky" - right now there are two names, neither widely known, and a mention of Hong Kong. Passing readers may not be clear why it would be interesting to read further - and yet inside is the story of how Hong Kong came to have so much green space, and more. I'd suggest putting context around at least one name, and trying (without exceeding the 200 char. limit) to convey more of *why* the governor made the comment, so "Governor MacLehose said..." I know, not easy in few words. I'll keep an eye.
SeoR (
talk)
14:20, 20 March 2021 (UTC)
GA toolbox |
---|
Reviewing |
Reviewer: Ado2102 ( talk · contribs) 01:46, 29 July 2021 (UTC)
I will be reviewing this article
Ado2102 (
talk)
01:46, 29 July 2021 (UTC)
This article represents a substantial amount of research and I found myself very interested to learn more about this fascinating character and the processes of HK parks and agriculture/aquaculture administration. However, as discussed further in the comments below, it fails the following elements of good article criteria (in bold):
1. Well-written: a. the prose is clear, concise, and understandable to an appropriately broad audience; spelling and grammar are correct; and b. it complies with the manual of style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation.[2]
3. Broad in its coverage: a. it addresses the main aspects of the topic;[5] and b. it stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style).
This is my primary critique of the article. I do not want to go overly beyond the scope of the GA review, or to get bogged down in stylistic nitpicking, but I think the issues discussed here are relevant to whether the article as a whole is well-written beyond my personal style preferences, as it goes to readability. As part of this, I reviewed the following relevant policies, which I think it worthwhile to share.
It appears that this article attempts to compile every written source in existence on this subject, and to pin-cite each statement it makes in the manner of a legal brief or academic publication. While I want to express my sincere appreciation for the amount of work this takes, I do not think that it makes sense in the encyclopedia format. Here are some examples of what I mean, with respect to biographical detail:
In general: the information in this article is too detailed without sufficient attention to relevance for what makes the subject notable. It should be substantially condensed. Here is a suggested rewrite of Early life:
Consistent with [Wikipedia:Manual of Style/Biography], my primary concern is the "notability" criterion. As earlier reviewer noted, there is an important story here about the creation of green space in Hong Kong, but it is very difficult to discern at first read. Really trimming up the lead may help substantially.
It is not immediately clear why this person is important enough to merit a Wikipedia page. Certainly, everyone is important, but why was he particularly notable and worth writing up? One possible edit to the first sentence to address this: ... was a British colonial official who served as the director of Hong Kong's Agriculture and Fisheries Department from 1965 to 1980 and was (one of the primary proponents of?) Hong Kong's unusually extensive country parks system. He was also..." Some other comments:
Similar to above comments, this is exhaustive but unfocused. I think it could be combined with "early life" into an "early life and career" section and be reduced to one short paragraph: "From 1947 to 1959, Nichols worked in the Sierra Leone colonial government's agricultural division, rising to head director of agriculture in 1957. Among other work, he managed a rice research centre, promoted agricultural mechanisation, and served as assistant superintendent of police of Njala, Moyamba. In 1959 he moved to Hong Kong to become the assistant director of the Hong Kong Agriculture and Fisheries Department, where he managed agricultural affairs."
This is the last subsection but I'll discuss it first.
In general, I would combine this material into brief introductory paragraph to the whole subsection that describes the typical duties of a Director of the Agriculture and Fisheries Department, and consider separating that material into a separate page if you want to go into so much detail about the history and development of the position. All you need to say is that in his role as director he performed a variety of other typical duties, including attending international meetings and representing Hong Kong's interests, and then move onto his major projects section by section.
My comments on this material are consistent with the prior comments.
It is not clear why information is included here rather than in the main biography (e.g., early life). I recommend combining.
The Honours sections is redundant and has other problems:
I recommend adding Silver Jubilee medal to main narrative and deleting the rest of this section.