The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Reviewer: Adog ( talk · contribs) 07:21, 5 August 2023 (UTC)
Good Article review progress box
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I might as well pick up this one too! I should have this fully reviewed by Sunday, August 6, or, Monday, August 7. Stay tuned. Adog ( Talk・ Cont) 07:21, 5 August 2023 (UTC)
The following are suggestions for the editor-at-large. If the suggestions for grammar or sentence structure are improper or not appropriate, the editor may disregard:
Infobox
Several buildings, such as the Pompeiian, Electricity, and Submarine Boat buildings, were dedicated to exhibits.The second instance of "buildings" may be omitted.
The site's northern portion ....
The Edison Company was hired to manufacture the park's lights in late 1903 ...I assume they were hired by the Wonderland Company, if not, an individual person related to the project?
In August 1903, Reynolds and several other men established the Wonderland Company specifically to develop an amusement park on the site.if capitalization is necessary, maybe add it at the end with a semi-colon
;the company was capitalized at $1.2 million.
General contractor Edward Johnson Company hired about 2,000 workers, who were employed into three, eight-hour shifts?
1904 to 1907
1908 to 1911
Despite its many amusements, Dreamland struggled to compete with the more efficiently managed Luna Park.
... George B. McClellan Jr. attempted to prevent the park from staging live shows on Sundays, citing the city's blue laws, although Reynolds strongly opposed the lawssecond instance of "laws" to "regulations" or simply "them"?
Dreamland had previously held a license permitting the park to present shows seven days a week, but, when it was renewed in June 1909, the shows were allowed only six days a week?
Various rides such as the Great Divide, Canals of Venice, Tub Ride and Hell Gate ...Comma before "and" assuming these are two rides.
Dreamland also hired Omar Sami as a carnival barker for the 1911 season, and the park opened for its eighth season on May 20, 1911?
Fire
Despite the implementation of fire-safety regulations in certain areas of Coney Island after a major blaze in 1902, these regulations were not extended to encompass Dreamland. Consequently, Dreamland remained highly vulnerable to fire hazards?
*
Winds from the ocean caused the fire to quickly spread throughout the park
possibly move the modifier "quickly" to the end of the sentence?
Early editions of The New York Times claimed the incubator babies had perished in the flames, but in fact the infants ...Comma after "fact"?
... and the Times subsequently corrected itself.could be a sentence by itself.
According to contemporaneous accounts ..."contemporaneous" to "contemporary"?
Around 4 a.m., the water pressure normalized; however, by that time, a significant portion of the park had already been consumed by the fire.
Aftermath
The fire destroyed almost everything in the park?
As the entire complex was constructed from flammable materials, insurers regarded the park as a high-risk venture. Consequently, the park was insured for approximately $400,000.
As a result of the fire, 1,600 Dreamland employees lost their jobs; another 900 people had worked ..."had" may be omitted.
Condemnation proceedings
Dreamland's site, on Surf Avenue, thereby splitting the park's site into two section"section" to "sections"?
The Morey and Lott families claimed in late 1911 that nearly all of Coney Island fell under a quitclaim deed granted by Nicholas Johnson, who had greed to sell ..."greed" to "agreed"?
The State Supreme Court was asked ...In the most kind-spirited way, not as the meme, asked by whom?
I will get back on the skim in a bit. Good information to process, I have some suggestions above in the mean time, or I will post the full skim throughout the day! :) Adog ( Talk・ Cont) 17:21, 7 August 2023 (UTC)
Southern section
Rosoff's lease was canceled the next year.As with Supreme Court, canceled by ...
Dreamland's illumination cost $4,000 a week; the illumination of the central tower alone cost $100 a night. The second instance of "illumination" as "lighting"?
Entrance and lagoon
The park's center contained a lagoon surrounded by a promenade. Dreamland's operators ...
The lagoon measured 130 feet (40 m) wide and 300 feet (91 m) long, featuring a large pedestrian bridge spanning its southern end.
West side
A third structure, next to the Pompeian and Electricity buildings ...could be changed to "included" to avoid repetition with the preceding sentence.
The lower half of the building was clad in brick. In contrast, the upper half of the building ...
The album featured Todd Robbins, alumnus ..."an" before "alumnus"?
This goes through me once over. I should read the article a little thoroughly in the coming hours and do the spot checks on sources. Of course, a lot of content needs time, and this article delivers! What an interesting story. I am going for a ride. Adog ( Talk・ Cont) 19:04, 7 August 2023 (UTC)
... and added a Japanese theater. I would assume it was a Japanese-themed theater. I do not have access to the source for clarity.
I did some more spot-checks this morning. I did find an anomaly worth addressing:
Like a true student, finishing the review before 11:59 p.m. (except I went a little over time). The article is well written with some minor grammatical sentence structure or MOS case listed above. The article features a variety of reliable sources with proper formatting. There are no original research issues. Earwig does pick up some sources, but likely not much in the way of issues. There is one that is 49.5%, but it references Wikipedia. The next features an image with a caption that was user generated, likely from the Wikipedia page here. I would ask @ Epicgenius: to verify some of these commonalities to double-check. Spotchecks are clear for source-to-text integrity and other issues. Besides that very well done! Adog ( Talk・ Cont) 04:05, 8 August 2023 (UTC)
The article is broad in scope, focused on the subject, and provides a neutral tone for the content and presentation. I enjoyed reading the article. It was an experience in and of itself. A lot of things made you stop and think about what they were thinking as an amusement park operator, and even more, what society thought was acceptable entertainment. Did not know human zoos were a thing until now. Probably for the best, it burned. Adog ( Talk・ Cont) 04:05, 8 August 2023 (UTC)
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
GA toolbox |
---|
Reviewing |
Article (
|
visual edit |
history) ·
Article talk (
|
history) ·
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Reviewer: Adog ( talk · contribs) 07:21, 5 August 2023 (UTC)
Good Article review progress box
|
I might as well pick up this one too! I should have this fully reviewed by Sunday, August 6, or, Monday, August 7. Stay tuned. Adog ( Talk・ Cont) 07:21, 5 August 2023 (UTC)
The following are suggestions for the editor-at-large. If the suggestions for grammar or sentence structure are improper or not appropriate, the editor may disregard:
Infobox
Several buildings, such as the Pompeiian, Electricity, and Submarine Boat buildings, were dedicated to exhibits.The second instance of "buildings" may be omitted.
The site's northern portion ....
The Edison Company was hired to manufacture the park's lights in late 1903 ...I assume they were hired by the Wonderland Company, if not, an individual person related to the project?
In August 1903, Reynolds and several other men established the Wonderland Company specifically to develop an amusement park on the site.if capitalization is necessary, maybe add it at the end with a semi-colon
;the company was capitalized at $1.2 million.
General contractor Edward Johnson Company hired about 2,000 workers, who were employed into three, eight-hour shifts?
1904 to 1907
1908 to 1911
Despite its many amusements, Dreamland struggled to compete with the more efficiently managed Luna Park.
... George B. McClellan Jr. attempted to prevent the park from staging live shows on Sundays, citing the city's blue laws, although Reynolds strongly opposed the lawssecond instance of "laws" to "regulations" or simply "them"?
Dreamland had previously held a license permitting the park to present shows seven days a week, but, when it was renewed in June 1909, the shows were allowed only six days a week?
Various rides such as the Great Divide, Canals of Venice, Tub Ride and Hell Gate ...Comma before "and" assuming these are two rides.
Dreamland also hired Omar Sami as a carnival barker for the 1911 season, and the park opened for its eighth season on May 20, 1911?
Fire
Despite the implementation of fire-safety regulations in certain areas of Coney Island after a major blaze in 1902, these regulations were not extended to encompass Dreamland. Consequently, Dreamland remained highly vulnerable to fire hazards?
*
Winds from the ocean caused the fire to quickly spread throughout the park
possibly move the modifier "quickly" to the end of the sentence?
Early editions of The New York Times claimed the incubator babies had perished in the flames, but in fact the infants ...Comma after "fact"?
... and the Times subsequently corrected itself.could be a sentence by itself.
According to contemporaneous accounts ..."contemporaneous" to "contemporary"?
Around 4 a.m., the water pressure normalized; however, by that time, a significant portion of the park had already been consumed by the fire.
Aftermath
The fire destroyed almost everything in the park?
As the entire complex was constructed from flammable materials, insurers regarded the park as a high-risk venture. Consequently, the park was insured for approximately $400,000.
As a result of the fire, 1,600 Dreamland employees lost their jobs; another 900 people had worked ..."had" may be omitted.
Condemnation proceedings
Dreamland's site, on Surf Avenue, thereby splitting the park's site into two section"section" to "sections"?
The Morey and Lott families claimed in late 1911 that nearly all of Coney Island fell under a quitclaim deed granted by Nicholas Johnson, who had greed to sell ..."greed" to "agreed"?
The State Supreme Court was asked ...In the most kind-spirited way, not as the meme, asked by whom?
I will get back on the skim in a bit. Good information to process, I have some suggestions above in the mean time, or I will post the full skim throughout the day! :) Adog ( Talk・ Cont) 17:21, 7 August 2023 (UTC)
Southern section
Rosoff's lease was canceled the next year.As with Supreme Court, canceled by ...
Dreamland's illumination cost $4,000 a week; the illumination of the central tower alone cost $100 a night. The second instance of "illumination" as "lighting"?
Entrance and lagoon
The park's center contained a lagoon surrounded by a promenade. Dreamland's operators ...
The lagoon measured 130 feet (40 m) wide and 300 feet (91 m) long, featuring a large pedestrian bridge spanning its southern end.
West side
A third structure, next to the Pompeian and Electricity buildings ...could be changed to "included" to avoid repetition with the preceding sentence.
The lower half of the building was clad in brick. In contrast, the upper half of the building ...
The album featured Todd Robbins, alumnus ..."an" before "alumnus"?
This goes through me once over. I should read the article a little thoroughly in the coming hours and do the spot checks on sources. Of course, a lot of content needs time, and this article delivers! What an interesting story. I am going for a ride. Adog ( Talk・ Cont) 19:04, 7 August 2023 (UTC)
... and added a Japanese theater. I would assume it was a Japanese-themed theater. I do not have access to the source for clarity.
I did some more spot-checks this morning. I did find an anomaly worth addressing:
Like a true student, finishing the review before 11:59 p.m. (except I went a little over time). The article is well written with some minor grammatical sentence structure or MOS case listed above. The article features a variety of reliable sources with proper formatting. There are no original research issues. Earwig does pick up some sources, but likely not much in the way of issues. There is one that is 49.5%, but it references Wikipedia. The next features an image with a caption that was user generated, likely from the Wikipedia page here. I would ask @ Epicgenius: to verify some of these commonalities to double-check. Spotchecks are clear for source-to-text integrity and other issues. Besides that very well done! Adog ( Talk・ Cont) 04:05, 8 August 2023 (UTC)
The article is broad in scope, focused on the subject, and provides a neutral tone for the content and presentation. I enjoyed reading the article. It was an experience in and of itself. A lot of things made you stop and think about what they were thinking as an amusement park operator, and even more, what society thought was acceptable entertainment. Did not know human zoos were a thing until now. Probably for the best, it burned. Adog ( Talk・ Cont) 04:05, 8 August 2023 (UTC)