The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Reviewer: Vami IV ( talk · contribs) 16:49, 5 October 2018 (UTC)
I am a fan of the Dragon Age universe. Dragon Age II is my favorite game in the series. Truly, it is my pleasure to review this article.
In every review I conduct, I will be making small copyedits. These will only be limited to spelling and punctuation (removal of double spaces and such). I will only make substantive edits that change the flow and structure of the prose if I previously suggested and it is necessary. For replying to Reviewer comment, please use Done,
Fixed,
Added,
Not done,
Doing..., or
Removed, followed by any comment you'd like to make. I will be crossing out my comments as they are redressed, and only mine. A detailed, section-by-section review will follow. –
♠Vami
_IV†♠
16:49, 5 October 2018 (UTC)
(who wields a shield and a melee weapon including maces and swords)Warrior main here. I would change this to:
(who wields a melee weapon in both hands, or with a shield)
For instance, players can customize a companion's stance to aggressive, [...]To be aggressive? Companions can also be defensive, if I recall correctly.
Health, injuriesMOS:OVERLINK, de-link.
after all the enemiesRemove "the".
There are five types of items: weapons and armors, crafting recipes, runes, plot items and consumables.I clearly remember picking up and selling an ocean of garbage from every box and sack in Kirkwall...
Companions' armors cannot be changed, [...]A companion's appearance can change dramatically if fully romanced. Fenris gets that red ribbon, Isabela gets some new duds, Merill's outfit turns white, etc.
Skills such as lock picking for rogues are unlocked automatically when a certain level is reached.Lockpicking, as the source confirms, is dependent on your Cunning score. Locks scale by difficulty in intervals of 10.
[...] to the city of Kirkwall.Expand to "city-state," as per the lore.
and the center of events that change the course of Thedas.Continents generally move very, very slowly and very free of human action. History, maybe?
Also,Delete.
with Sebastian for a female Hawke.Only for a female hawk, as opposed to the other four.
after which the family takes up residence in the city's Lowtown.With good old Uncle Gamlen!
enabling them to relocate to a mansion in Hightown.It is worth mentioning that Hawke, by right of blood, owns that mansion. Gamlen and his deeds are pivotal to the (early) story anyway and should be recounted.
BioWare's Edmonton office developed Dragon Age II beginning during the production of Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening.Consider:
BioWare's Edmonton office began development of Dragon Age II during the production of Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening.
Laidlaw added the gameplay is more tactical in nature as the team overhauled the combo system which prompts players to make use of all the classes' talents.This reads like a quote, but isn't - I checked the source.
It was criticized for being a too predictable and formulaic hero journey.Delete "too".
The team aimed to create art that are "memorable" and stylistic as they addressed a shortcoming of Origins where locales looked largely unremarkable.
As the game focuses on Hawke's family and their adventures in the world, to reflect this,Remove "to reflect this,".
Hawke must help Tallis infiltrate an Orlesian estate outside KirkwallOrlais is a little more than "outside Kirkwall."
Available at no cost to those who purchased a new copy of Dragon Age II,I know you're referring to the Dark Emporium, but it's not mentioned.
Critics had varied opinions on the game's dialogue system.Split this off part of paragraph three into another paragraph; it discusses a gameplay element, whereas previous prose discussed DA2's story.
Good Article review progress box
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The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Reviewer: Vami IV ( talk · contribs) 16:49, 5 October 2018 (UTC)
I am a fan of the Dragon Age universe. Dragon Age II is my favorite game in the series. Truly, it is my pleasure to review this article.
In every review I conduct, I will be making small copyedits. These will only be limited to spelling and punctuation (removal of double spaces and such). I will only make substantive edits that change the flow and structure of the prose if I previously suggested and it is necessary. For replying to Reviewer comment, please use Done,
Fixed,
Added,
Not done,
Doing..., or
Removed, followed by any comment you'd like to make. I will be crossing out my comments as they are redressed, and only mine. A detailed, section-by-section review will follow. –
♠Vami
_IV†♠
16:49, 5 October 2018 (UTC)
(who wields a shield and a melee weapon including maces and swords)Warrior main here. I would change this to:
(who wields a melee weapon in both hands, or with a shield)
For instance, players can customize a companion's stance to aggressive, [...]To be aggressive? Companions can also be defensive, if I recall correctly.
Health, injuriesMOS:OVERLINK, de-link.
after all the enemiesRemove "the".
There are five types of items: weapons and armors, crafting recipes, runes, plot items and consumables.I clearly remember picking up and selling an ocean of garbage from every box and sack in Kirkwall...
Companions' armors cannot be changed, [...]A companion's appearance can change dramatically if fully romanced. Fenris gets that red ribbon, Isabela gets some new duds, Merill's outfit turns white, etc.
Skills such as lock picking for rogues are unlocked automatically when a certain level is reached.Lockpicking, as the source confirms, is dependent on your Cunning score. Locks scale by difficulty in intervals of 10.
[...] to the city of Kirkwall.Expand to "city-state," as per the lore.
and the center of events that change the course of Thedas.Continents generally move very, very slowly and very free of human action. History, maybe?
Also,Delete.
with Sebastian for a female Hawke.Only for a female hawk, as opposed to the other four.
after which the family takes up residence in the city's Lowtown.With good old Uncle Gamlen!
enabling them to relocate to a mansion in Hightown.It is worth mentioning that Hawke, by right of blood, owns that mansion. Gamlen and his deeds are pivotal to the (early) story anyway and should be recounted.
BioWare's Edmonton office developed Dragon Age II beginning during the production of Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening.Consider:
BioWare's Edmonton office began development of Dragon Age II during the production of Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening.
Laidlaw added the gameplay is more tactical in nature as the team overhauled the combo system which prompts players to make use of all the classes' talents.This reads like a quote, but isn't - I checked the source.
It was criticized for being a too predictable and formulaic hero journey.Delete "too".
The team aimed to create art that are "memorable" and stylistic as they addressed a shortcoming of Origins where locales looked largely unremarkable.
As the game focuses on Hawke's family and their adventures in the world, to reflect this,Remove "to reflect this,".
Hawke must help Tallis infiltrate an Orlesian estate outside KirkwallOrlais is a little more than "outside Kirkwall."
Available at no cost to those who purchased a new copy of Dragon Age II,I know you're referring to the Dark Emporium, but it's not mentioned.
Critics had varied opinions on the game's dialogue system.Split this off part of paragraph three into another paragraph; it discusses a gameplay element, whereas previous prose discussed DA2's story.
Good Article review progress box
|