In the Design section, the first two paragraphs start out with "As a result...", which is a little repetitive. Also, the second paragraph starts out with "As a result, they". By "they" I'm assuming you mean the Dutch, but this could be made explicit.
There is a clarification tag in the Design section, which I agree with - what is "smoother" deck protection?
Also in the Design section, it says "with the same number of 280 mm (11 in) guns in the same triple turrets as the Scharnhorst class". Ummm...how many guns is "the same"?
In the "End" section (that section title could be a little more descriptive, btw, although it's not a big deal), it says "with the first ship scheduled to be completed in only 1944,". Why "only"?
In the End section, could you give a little more information on why the start of WWII left these ships "virtually doomed"?
Overall a nice little article, but a few prose issues, so I'm placing the review on hold for now. Please let me know if you have any questions or comments.
Dana boomer (
talk)
00:26, 21 February 2009 (UTC)reply
In the Design section, the first two paragraphs start out with "As a result...", which is a little repetitive. Also, the second paragraph starts out with "As a result, they". By "they" I'm assuming you mean the Dutch, but this could be made explicit.
There is a clarification tag in the Design section, which I agree with - what is "smoother" deck protection?
Also in the Design section, it says "with the same number of 280 mm (11 in) guns in the same triple turrets as the Scharnhorst class". Ummm...how many guns is "the same"?
In the "End" section (that section title could be a little more descriptive, btw, although it's not a big deal), it says "with the first ship scheduled to be completed in only 1944,". Why "only"?
In the End section, could you give a little more information on why the start of WWII left these ships "virtually doomed"?
Overall a nice little article, but a few prose issues, so I'm placing the review on hold for now. Please let me know if you have any questions or comments.
Dana boomer (
talk)
00:26, 21 February 2009 (UTC)reply