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Reviewer: Etriusus ( talk · contribs) 04:44, 16 July 2021 (UTC)
Hello!! I'll be the reviewer for this GAN as part of the 2021 July GA Drive. Due to school/work obligations, I will likely need to give feedback piecewise but I'll make sure to check off pieces as they are assessed. Any minor grammatical edits I will take care of unless they are systemic. Etriusus ( talk) 04:44, 16 July 2021 (UTC)
Templates for my own convenience:
Done
Criteria Found Here: Wikipedia:Good article criteria
1. It is reasonable well written the prose is clear, concise, and understandable to an appropriately broad audience; spelling and grammar are correct
They increase or enhance the ship's resources, including its weaponry, which is divided into primary and secondary weapons., this sentence does not flow well and needs rewriting. The jump from resources to weaponry is abrupt and then the term "resources" is never used again. Either rewrite or cut. Etriusus ( talk) 18:22, 16 July 2021 (UTC)
All primary weapons fire bolts of energy, except the Vulcan and Gauss cannons, two gun turrets that consume physical ammunition instead.If you are going to mention the weapons by name, please list out the entirety of the weapon list. Just namedropping these in makes following the article difficult. Realistically, the passages on weapons need to be either simplified or restructured. Etriusus ( talk) 18:17, 16 July 2021 (UTC)
Parallax Software began Descent II's development as an expansion pack that would have enhanced the original Descent game using a CD's storage, but it later evolved into a full-blown project lasting about one year.needs revision, the phrasing of "enhance" and "full-blown project" are not encyclopedic and seem somewhat puffery in nature. Etriusus ( talk) 18:22, 16 July 2021 (UTC)
"The plot is simple and linear[4] and is mostly provided for the introductory and concluding full-motion video cutscenes."Unless "simple" is a video game term I am unfamiliar with, rewording this sentence as it is not encyclopedic and can come across as opinion. If this is an assessment by a game developer or mentioned in the manual, please attribute it. Etriusus ( talk) 05:25, 16 July 2021 (UTC)
2. It is factually accurate and verifiable It contains a reference section, presented in accordance with the layout style guideline;
A sequel, Descent 3, was released in 1999.is not mentioned in the body of the article, either edit in a mention or remove. Etriusus ( talk) 15:27, 16 July 2021 (UTC)
"If you don't like Descent at least a little bit, make no mistake, there is something wrong with you."pops up but this is cited and attributed. Etriusus ( talk) 05:10, 16 July 2021 (UTC)
3. It is broad in its coverage
"After the "Material Defender...."it appears that something is missed. Whether the mission to destroy all the mines in the solar system is from Descent I or Decent II is unclear and it currently reads as though the character's motivation/preceding events are missing.
Within each level...is a bit too detailed in its content. At the very least, this paragraph is not well understood without prior knowledge on the topic. Etriusus ( talk) 18:17, 16 July 2021 (UTC)
4. It has a neutral point of view
5. It is stable
6. It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
First Impressions: This page needs a fair bit of work before signoff for GA status. IF you have questions, comments, or rationale for why something should remain as is, feel free to comment here. Since it took me a day to get my initial review out, I'll gladly extend the review window by an extra day, unless you request more time. I will continue to add comments should I find anything else and will gladly help with any edits. Etriusus ( talk) 18:22, 16 July 2021 (UTC)
Recommendations
This is a summary of what needs to be done, detailed points are listed above. Feel free to use the Done template to indicate when an issue has been resolved.
GA toolbox |
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Reviewing |
Article (
|
visual edit |
history) ·
Article talk (
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history) ·
Watch
Reviewer: Etriusus ( talk · contribs) 04:44, 16 July 2021 (UTC)
Hello!! I'll be the reviewer for this GAN as part of the 2021 July GA Drive. Due to school/work obligations, I will likely need to give feedback piecewise but I'll make sure to check off pieces as they are assessed. Any minor grammatical edits I will take care of unless they are systemic. Etriusus ( talk) 04:44, 16 July 2021 (UTC)
Templates for my own convenience:
Done
Criteria Found Here: Wikipedia:Good article criteria
1. It is reasonable well written the prose is clear, concise, and understandable to an appropriately broad audience; spelling and grammar are correct
They increase or enhance the ship's resources, including its weaponry, which is divided into primary and secondary weapons., this sentence does not flow well and needs rewriting. The jump from resources to weaponry is abrupt and then the term "resources" is never used again. Either rewrite or cut. Etriusus ( talk) 18:22, 16 July 2021 (UTC)
All primary weapons fire bolts of energy, except the Vulcan and Gauss cannons, two gun turrets that consume physical ammunition instead.If you are going to mention the weapons by name, please list out the entirety of the weapon list. Just namedropping these in makes following the article difficult. Realistically, the passages on weapons need to be either simplified or restructured. Etriusus ( talk) 18:17, 16 July 2021 (UTC)
Parallax Software began Descent II's development as an expansion pack that would have enhanced the original Descent game using a CD's storage, but it later evolved into a full-blown project lasting about one year.needs revision, the phrasing of "enhance" and "full-blown project" are not encyclopedic and seem somewhat puffery in nature. Etriusus ( talk) 18:22, 16 July 2021 (UTC)
"The plot is simple and linear[4] and is mostly provided for the introductory and concluding full-motion video cutscenes."Unless "simple" is a video game term I am unfamiliar with, rewording this sentence as it is not encyclopedic and can come across as opinion. If this is an assessment by a game developer or mentioned in the manual, please attribute it. Etriusus ( talk) 05:25, 16 July 2021 (UTC)
2. It is factually accurate and verifiable It contains a reference section, presented in accordance with the layout style guideline;
A sequel, Descent 3, was released in 1999.is not mentioned in the body of the article, either edit in a mention or remove. Etriusus ( talk) 15:27, 16 July 2021 (UTC)
"If you don't like Descent at least a little bit, make no mistake, there is something wrong with you."pops up but this is cited and attributed. Etriusus ( talk) 05:10, 16 July 2021 (UTC)
3. It is broad in its coverage
"After the "Material Defender...."it appears that something is missed. Whether the mission to destroy all the mines in the solar system is from Descent I or Decent II is unclear and it currently reads as though the character's motivation/preceding events are missing.
Within each level...is a bit too detailed in its content. At the very least, this paragraph is not well understood without prior knowledge on the topic. Etriusus ( talk) 18:17, 16 July 2021 (UTC)
4. It has a neutral point of view
5. It is stable
6. It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
First Impressions: This page needs a fair bit of work before signoff for GA status. IF you have questions, comments, or rationale for why something should remain as is, feel free to comment here. Since it took me a day to get my initial review out, I'll gladly extend the review window by an extra day, unless you request more time. I will continue to add comments should I find anything else and will gladly help with any edits. Etriusus ( talk) 18:22, 16 July 2021 (UTC)
Recommendations
This is a summary of what needs to be done, detailed points are listed above. Feel free to use the Done template to indicate when an issue has been resolved.