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Hello! I am happy to review this article for GA status. When I review, I usually go through and make comments / suggestions as I read, and then once everything has been addressed / discussed, I run through the official checklist to make sure I didn't miss anything.
Canada Hky (
talk)
12:42, 22 March 2019 (UTC)reply
Initial thoughts
The lead should be expanded to accurately address the full scope of the article. One sentence per section is a good starting point.
"Mabalon's grandfather, Pablo "Ambo" Mabalon, ran the Lafayette Lunch Counter;[4] it was frequented by Carlos Bulosan, run as a Filipino restaurant until 1983, and was later torn down in 1999" - A lot is being said in this sentence, and it may be clearer if it was broken up a bit more, and unnecessary details removed.
"Mabalon was also the niece of the Cordovas;[8] they were some of the founders of the Filipino American National Historical Society.[9]" - this sentence does not adequately identify the Cordovas - is it referring to the family, a single couple, etc. First names would be helpful to identify the individuals referred to here.
Much of the material from the 'Other Activities' section would be better placed into longer context in the 'Career' section. Those single sentences may seem like trivia if left in isolation.
'Getting her ashore, 9-1-1 was called, CPR was attempted by paramedics, and she was transported to an emergency room' - this sentence switches tenses and could be more encyclopedic.
No issue with the image, properly tagged and appropriately used.
No copyvio obvious. Sources are accurately represented in the text.
Ref 9 - no access date.
ref 11 - is this two separate references that have gotten combined via formatting glitch? I can't tell and I don't want to make a change incorrectly. Same with 17 and 23.
Can some of the external links be worked into the article as references? It is a long-ish list for a relatively short article.
The sentence regarding the subject's grandfather's restaurant is to show her connection to other notable, and historically relevant, Filipino Americans. The restaurant served as a cross roads for many Filipino Americans in the early and mid 20th century, who at that time were largely transitory following jobs in the aquaculture and agricultural sectors. Therefore, I have
expanded upon it.
The expansion looks good. I made some grammar tweaks. Could you please check that I haven't changed any meaning?
I wouldn't undo it, but a section like that with multiple one sentence paragraphs is out of place in a good article. All of those items seem to be part of her career, and I think could be folded into that section in the appropriate chronological period.
I have
attempted to fix the issues with the tense.
Thank you, I have made a few more tweaks, and I think it reads better now.
The external links follow
WP:ELMAYBE and
WP:ELYES. While some can be made into inline sources, can a obit from FANHS, a speech by a California State Assemblyman, and a podcast be considered
reliable sources?
Perhaps not for content, but could the speech by the Assemblyman (the fact that it happened) be included in part of the death and legacy section?
@
Canada Hky: I
modified the wording in the "Early life and education" and added more citations. My understanding is inline citations usually come at the end of sentences or after semicolons, so I also modified that to keep consistency in style.
I have also
folded in the Other works section, as requested.
GA review (see
here for what the criteria are, and
here for what they are not) Thank you for your effort in improving this article. I made a few tweaks, and I think everything is good to go now.
This article is within the scope of WikiProject Biography, a collaborative effort to create, develop and organize Wikipedia's articles about people. All interested editors are invited to
join the project and
contribute to the discussion. For instructions on how to use this banner, please refer to the
documentation.BiographyWikipedia:WikiProject BiographyTemplate:WikiProject Biographybiography articles
This article is within the scope of WikiProject United States, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of topics relating to the
United States of America on Wikipedia. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join the ongoing discussions.
This article is within the scope of WikiProject Tambayan Philippines, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of topics related to the
Philippines on Wikipedia. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join
the discussion and see a list of open tasks.Tambayan PhilippinesWikipedia:WikiProject Tambayan PhilippinesTemplate:WikiProject Tambayan PhilippinesPhilippine-related articles
This article is within the scope of WikiProject Women writers, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of
women writers on Wikipedia. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join
the discussion and see a list of open tasks.Women writersWikipedia:WikiProject Women writersTemplate:WikiProject Women writersWomen writers articles
This article is within the scope of WikiProject California, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of the
U.S. state of California on Wikipedia. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join
the discussion and see a list of open tasks.CaliforniaWikipedia:WikiProject CaliforniaTemplate:WikiProject CaliforniaCalifornia articles
This article is within the scope of WikiProject University of California, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of articles relating to
University of California, its history, accomplishments and other topics on Wikipedia. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join
the discussion and see a list of open tasks.University of CaliforniaWikipedia:WikiProject University of CaliforniaTemplate:WikiProject University of CaliforniaUniversity of California articles
Hello! I am happy to review this article for GA status. When I review, I usually go through and make comments / suggestions as I read, and then once everything has been addressed / discussed, I run through the official checklist to make sure I didn't miss anything.
Canada Hky (
talk)
12:42, 22 March 2019 (UTC)reply
Initial thoughts
The lead should be expanded to accurately address the full scope of the article. One sentence per section is a good starting point.
"Mabalon's grandfather, Pablo "Ambo" Mabalon, ran the Lafayette Lunch Counter;[4] it was frequented by Carlos Bulosan, run as a Filipino restaurant until 1983, and was later torn down in 1999" - A lot is being said in this sentence, and it may be clearer if it was broken up a bit more, and unnecessary details removed.
"Mabalon was also the niece of the Cordovas;[8] they were some of the founders of the Filipino American National Historical Society.[9]" - this sentence does not adequately identify the Cordovas - is it referring to the family, a single couple, etc. First names would be helpful to identify the individuals referred to here.
Much of the material from the 'Other Activities' section would be better placed into longer context in the 'Career' section. Those single sentences may seem like trivia if left in isolation.
'Getting her ashore, 9-1-1 was called, CPR was attempted by paramedics, and she was transported to an emergency room' - this sentence switches tenses and could be more encyclopedic.
No issue with the image, properly tagged and appropriately used.
No copyvio obvious. Sources are accurately represented in the text.
Ref 9 - no access date.
ref 11 - is this two separate references that have gotten combined via formatting glitch? I can't tell and I don't want to make a change incorrectly. Same with 17 and 23.
Can some of the external links be worked into the article as references? It is a long-ish list for a relatively short article.
The sentence regarding the subject's grandfather's restaurant is to show her connection to other notable, and historically relevant, Filipino Americans. The restaurant served as a cross roads for many Filipino Americans in the early and mid 20th century, who at that time were largely transitory following jobs in the aquaculture and agricultural sectors. Therefore, I have
expanded upon it.
The expansion looks good. I made some grammar tweaks. Could you please check that I haven't changed any meaning?
I wouldn't undo it, but a section like that with multiple one sentence paragraphs is out of place in a good article. All of those items seem to be part of her career, and I think could be folded into that section in the appropriate chronological period.
I have
attempted to fix the issues with the tense.
Thank you, I have made a few more tweaks, and I think it reads better now.
The external links follow
WP:ELMAYBE and
WP:ELYES. While some can be made into inline sources, can a obit from FANHS, a speech by a California State Assemblyman, and a podcast be considered
reliable sources?
Perhaps not for content, but could the speech by the Assemblyman (the fact that it happened) be included in part of the death and legacy section?
@
Canada Hky: I
modified the wording in the "Early life and education" and added more citations. My understanding is inline citations usually come at the end of sentences or after semicolons, so I also modified that to keep consistency in style.
I have also
folded in the Other works section, as requested.
GA review (see
here for what the criteria are, and
here for what they are not) Thank you for your effort in improving this article. I made a few tweaks, and I think everything is good to go now.