"He was on the books" - avoid using idioms per
MOS:IDIOM
→ "registered with"
Early and personal life
"Taylor was born in Shrewsbury, Shropshire, in 1889," - the full date is better off included in this sentence
"but sang well and enjoyed doing so.[12][11]" - refs in numerical order please
Football career
"He applied (unsuccessfully) to the Football League for a reduction in the fee," - brackets aren't needed for the word highlighted on bold
→ "made an unsuccessful application to..."
"Second Division Bradford Park Avenue on the way," - Second Division side
"as Hearts finished third and again lost in the Scottish Cup semifinal, " - wikilink Scottish Cup to
1912–13 Scottish Cup
"this time to Falkirk.[22][21]" -refs in numerical order please
"he was left out for a few matches in favour of the young Duncan Currie." - how many matches exactly?
five, and added Mr Currie's stats page as source
"The "magnificent service" Taylor gave to the club" - according to whom?
→ "An Athletic News profile of Tom McIntosh cited the "magnificent service" rendered by Taylor to Hearts as one example of the newly appointed
Everton manager's "rare intelligence and judgment in signing up young and promising players"." Does that work any better?
"after which competitive football was suspended for the duration of the war." - needs to be verified by a reliable source
Later life
"he was reported to be a "confirmed cripple"." - reported by whom?
→ "his local newspaper, the Blyth News, reported him to be a "confirmed cripple"."
"Later that year," - how many months exactly?
report in February, benefit in May
"He died at that address in 1946 at the age of 56." - think the full date can be mentioned here
@
MWright96: Thank you for reviewing the article. I think I've addressed all your points so far, made some notes above as to changed wording, more explicit sourcing etc. cheers,
Struway2 (
talk)
11:52, 27 October 2020 (UTC)reply
"He was on the books" - avoid using idioms per
MOS:IDIOM
→ "registered with"
Early and personal life
"Taylor was born in Shrewsbury, Shropshire, in 1889," - the full date is better off included in this sentence
"but sang well and enjoyed doing so.[12][11]" - refs in numerical order please
Football career
"He applied (unsuccessfully) to the Football League for a reduction in the fee," - brackets aren't needed for the word highlighted on bold
→ "made an unsuccessful application to..."
"Second Division Bradford Park Avenue on the way," - Second Division side
"as Hearts finished third and again lost in the Scottish Cup semifinal, " - wikilink Scottish Cup to
1912–13 Scottish Cup
"this time to Falkirk.[22][21]" -refs in numerical order please
"he was left out for a few matches in favour of the young Duncan Currie." - how many matches exactly?
five, and added Mr Currie's stats page as source
"The "magnificent service" Taylor gave to the club" - according to whom?
→ "An Athletic News profile of Tom McIntosh cited the "magnificent service" rendered by Taylor to Hearts as one example of the newly appointed
Everton manager's "rare intelligence and judgment in signing up young and promising players"." Does that work any better?
"after which competitive football was suspended for the duration of the war." - needs to be verified by a reliable source
Later life
"he was reported to be a "confirmed cripple"." - reported by whom?
→ "his local newspaper, the Blyth News, reported him to be a "confirmed cripple"."
"Later that year," - how many months exactly?
report in February, benefit in May
"He died at that address in 1946 at the age of 56." - think the full date can be mentioned here
@
MWright96: Thank you for reviewing the article. I think I've addressed all your points so far, made some notes above as to changed wording, more explicit sourcing etc. cheers,
Struway2 (
talk)
11:52, 27 October 2020 (UTC)reply