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Reviewer: The Rambling Man ( talk · contribs) 08:56, 30 August 2019 (UTC) reply

Comments

• Per WP:LEAD, the article is less than 14,000 characters so one or two paragraphs instead of four would be expected in the lead.
  • I've condensed and reworded the lede. It should be more appropriately sized now. Ergo Sum 03:22, 4 September 2019 (UTC) reply
• "Episcopal" is overlinked in the lead.
  • It is only linked once. Ergo Sum 03:00, 4 September 2019 (UTC) reply
• "confreres " I don't know what that is, perhaps worth linking?
  • It's one of those beautiful English words that has fallen into obscurity. I've replaced it. Ergo Sum 03:01, 4 September 2019 (UTC) reply
• "his last years New York City. " missing an "in"?
  • Fixed. Ergo Sum 03:01, 4 September 2019 (UTC) reply
• " on July 19, 1862 at" comma after 1862.
  • Done. Ergo Sum 03:01, 4 September 2019 (UTC) reply
• "Bearing the same, his..." sorry, I don't understand what this means?
  • Accidentally left out a word. It should make sense now. Ergo Sum 03:02, 4 September 2019 (UTC) reply
• " his father rose " we've lost track of whose father now.
  • I've rephrased a bit so that pronouns in the paragraph should be clearer. It's hard keeping grammatical track of multiple people with the same name. Ergo Sum 03:03, 4 September 2019 (UTC) reply
• " His ograndfather was" typo.
  • Fixed. Ergo Sum 03:04, 4 September 2019 (UTC) reply
• "Wilmers,[3] " why is ref placed there, does it need to be there?
  • I've rephrased the sentence so that the ref could be moved to the end of the clause. Ergo Sum 03:05, 4 September 2019 (UTC) reply
• "from England.[2] " No need to link well-known geographical entities.
  • Unlinked. Ergo Sum 03:05, 4 September 2019 (UTC) reply
• I think our readers know what "theater" is without needing to link it.
  • My general rule is that even if a concept is well-known, if it forms the prominent subject of a paragraph, it should be linked. Otherwise, major concepts would never be linked on wiki except in lists and other non-primary content. Ergo Sum 03:06, 4 September 2019 (UTC) reply
• No need to link Canada either.
  • Unlinked. Ergo Sum 03:06, 4 September 2019 (UTC) reply
• " In December, 1885," no need for that first comma.
  • Fixed. Ergo Sum 03:07, 4 September 2019 (UTC) reply
• "Buel oversaw construction of Ryan Gymnasium in 1905" complete sentence so use a period.
  • Done. Ergo Sum 03:07, 4 September 2019 (UTC) reply
• "programs.,[18] " remove period.
  • Done. Ergo Sum 03:08, 4 September 2019 (UTC) reply
• " in college football" I would call it college football first time round.
  • The first time it's mentioned, it's very clear that it's a college football program. The subsequent time would give the impression of all football without specifying that it's college football that is concerned. Ergo Sum 03:09, 4 September 2019 (UTC) reply
• " of a new Ryan Gymnasium" is this a thing? Or is it just called that named for someone called Ryan? And you say a "new Ryan Gym", was there an existing or old Ryan Gym?
  • Good observation. I've removed reference to a "new" gym. Ergo Sum 03:10, 4 September 2019 (UTC) reply
• "e university of a student who left to act" I think if his expulsion came as a result of him leaving for the baptism, this would read better as "e university of a student who had left to act".
  • Pluperfect it is. Ergo Sum 03:12, 4 September 2019 (UTC) reply
• " a professor mechanics and physics" of?
  • Fixed. Ergo Sum 03:12, 4 September 2019 (UTC) reply
• I don't think "inheritance" is needed to be linked.
  • Unlinked. Ergo Sum 03:13, 4 September 2019 (UTC) reply
• Nor "nun".
  • Since nun is often used sloppily to refer to a number of related but different things, I've linked it her so that a reader knows it is actually a nun that is meant. Ergo Sum 03:13, 4 September 2019 (UTC) reply
• "in Point Allterton, Massachusetts in " comma after Massachusetts.
  • Done. Ergo Sum 03:14, 4 September 2019 (UTC) reply
• " by those who seek salacious" odd tense, sought?
  • Perhaps the progressive tense will do? Ergo Sum 03:15, 4 September 2019 (UTC) reply
• "Allerton Heights, Massachusetts called" comma again.
  • Done. Ergo Sum 03:15, 4 September 2019 (UTC) reply

That's all I have, so I'll put the article on hold for now. The Rambling Man ( Staying alive since 2005!) 11:14, 2 September 2019 (UTC) reply

• @ The Rambling Man: Thank you, as always, for your helpful comments. They all have been answered. Ergo Sum 03:22, 4 September 2019 (UTC) reply

  No problem, the edits you've made (and those you've decided against!) are all reasonable so I'm happy to pass the nomination. Good work as always. The Rambling Man ( Staying alive since 2005!) 09:29, 5 September 2019 (UTC) reply