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Reviewer: Aoba47 ( talk · contribs) 00:08, 26 September 2021 (UTC)
I hope that it is okay that I pick up this article for a review. I will do this in a more piecemeal fashion so apologies in advance. Feel free to comment on anything and make any revisions as you do not have to wait until the full review is posted. I will look through the citation formatting at the end.
I hope these comments are helpful so far. I will add more comments tomorrow. Let me know if you have any questions. I hope you are having a good weekend so far. Aoba47 ( talk) 00:08, 26 September 2021 (UTC)
The tower building in which the restaurant is included has had its business drop, but has tasked the player with changing that fortune.It reads rather awkwardly, and the second part reads like the building itself is tasking the player to do this, which I doubt is true.
The player is given money, and a choice of twenty foods. Would it be possible to clarify who gives the player money? It is not entirely clear how the player takes on this position.
simultaneously; known in-game as "prep stations", I am not entirely sure that the semi-colon is used correctly. I think it should be a comma instead.
keyboard game controller button prompts, do you mean keyboard or game controller button prompts?
Alongside cooking, chores to keep the restaurant sanitary, such as washing dishes, throwing out the garbage, and flushing the lavatory, specifically the "flushing the lavatory" portion. So does this mean the player have to flush the toilet after a customer uses it? I am just curious as this seems like an odd gameplay mechanic.
as serving too many fattening or boring foods. What do you mean by "boring foods"? Later in this sentence, you mention not having the same menu over and over again so from my understanding, it is not about repeat meals. Is "boring foods" referring to something like bland foods?
Here are some further comments. Aoba47 ( talk) 01:31, 26 September 2021 (UTC)
Galindo had obtained a demo for the game through a gaming magazine, as some readers be unfamiliar with the concept.
Galindo had obtained a demo for the game through a gaming magazine and was intrigued by the approach and rush of the game, and inspired him to create a free fan-made game in 2004, using hand-drawn graphics., I would avoid repeating "game" three times.
he had not sufficient funds, to he had insufficient funds as the current wording seems a little off to me.
after he had some success in releasing The Oil Blue, his first attempt at a full game. What kind of success is being referenced (i.e. critical, commercial, fan response)? Also, it say that this is an attempt so was this unsuccessful or not a full game? I think further context about The Oil Blue is necessary. It should be brief of course as this article is not about that, but I find this mention to be rather confusing.
which added ten new foods to be placed on the menu, couldn't you just say which added ten new foods as it would be rather clear from context?
This should be all of my comments for now. Once everything has been addressed, I will read through the article again. Please let me know if you have any questions about my review. Have a great rest of your weekend! Aoba47 ( talk) 23:00, 26 September 2021 (UTC)
GA toolbox |
---|
Reviewing |
Article (
|
visual edit |
history) ·
Article talk (
|
history) ·
Watch
Reviewer: Aoba47 ( talk · contribs) 00:08, 26 September 2021 (UTC)
I hope that it is okay that I pick up this article for a review. I will do this in a more piecemeal fashion so apologies in advance. Feel free to comment on anything and make any revisions as you do not have to wait until the full review is posted. I will look through the citation formatting at the end.
I hope these comments are helpful so far. I will add more comments tomorrow. Let me know if you have any questions. I hope you are having a good weekend so far. Aoba47 ( talk) 00:08, 26 September 2021 (UTC)
The tower building in which the restaurant is included has had its business drop, but has tasked the player with changing that fortune.It reads rather awkwardly, and the second part reads like the building itself is tasking the player to do this, which I doubt is true.
The player is given money, and a choice of twenty foods. Would it be possible to clarify who gives the player money? It is not entirely clear how the player takes on this position.
simultaneously; known in-game as "prep stations", I am not entirely sure that the semi-colon is used correctly. I think it should be a comma instead.
keyboard game controller button prompts, do you mean keyboard or game controller button prompts?
Alongside cooking, chores to keep the restaurant sanitary, such as washing dishes, throwing out the garbage, and flushing the lavatory, specifically the "flushing the lavatory" portion. So does this mean the player have to flush the toilet after a customer uses it? I am just curious as this seems like an odd gameplay mechanic.
as serving too many fattening or boring foods. What do you mean by "boring foods"? Later in this sentence, you mention not having the same menu over and over again so from my understanding, it is not about repeat meals. Is "boring foods" referring to something like bland foods?
Here are some further comments. Aoba47 ( talk) 01:31, 26 September 2021 (UTC)
Galindo had obtained a demo for the game through a gaming magazine, as some readers be unfamiliar with the concept.
Galindo had obtained a demo for the game through a gaming magazine and was intrigued by the approach and rush of the game, and inspired him to create a free fan-made game in 2004, using hand-drawn graphics., I would avoid repeating "game" three times.
he had not sufficient funds, to he had insufficient funds as the current wording seems a little off to me.
after he had some success in releasing The Oil Blue, his first attempt at a full game. What kind of success is being referenced (i.e. critical, commercial, fan response)? Also, it say that this is an attempt so was this unsuccessful or not a full game? I think further context about The Oil Blue is necessary. It should be brief of course as this article is not about that, but I find this mention to be rather confusing.
which added ten new foods to be placed on the menu, couldn't you just say which added ten new foods as it would be rather clear from context?
This should be all of my comments for now. Once everything has been addressed, I will read through the article again. Please let me know if you have any questions about my review. Have a great rest of your weekend! Aoba47 ( talk) 23:00, 26 September 2021 (UTC)