I'm not talking about the number of paragraphs, but rather of the excessive details within them. The lede is supposed to be a summary, but you're including stuff best reserved for the main body as well as being unnecessarily wordy.
After the action at Pineios Gorge on 18 April 1941, now-Captain Green and many other members of his unit became separated from the battalion main body, and Green joined a group that avoided capture and made its his way through the Aegean Islands, through Turkey, to Palestine, to rejoin the reformed 2/2nd Battalion.
After a few months garrisoning captured Vichy Syria, during which Green was promoted to major, the 2/2nd Battalion returned to Australia in August 1942 via Ceylon (modern Sri Lanka), to fight the Japanese
, and his career remains an inspiration to serving Australian soldiers This is almost promotional and isn't supported by anything in the main body. His qualities as a leader are, but not this.--
Sturmvogel 66 (
talk)
04:35, 27 November 2020 (UTC)reply
I'm not talking about the number of paragraphs, but rather of the excessive details within them. The lede is supposed to be a summary, but you're including stuff best reserved for the main body as well as being unnecessarily wordy.
After the action at Pineios Gorge on 18 April 1941, now-Captain Green and many other members of his unit became separated from the battalion main body, and Green joined a group that avoided capture and made its his way through the Aegean Islands, through Turkey, to Palestine, to rejoin the reformed 2/2nd Battalion.
After a few months garrisoning captured Vichy Syria, during which Green was promoted to major, the 2/2nd Battalion returned to Australia in August 1942 via Ceylon (modern Sri Lanka), to fight the Japanese
, and his career remains an inspiration to serving Australian soldiers This is almost promotional and isn't supported by anything in the main body. His qualities as a leader are, but not this.--
Sturmvogel 66 (
talk)
04:35, 27 November 2020 (UTC)reply