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A good draft, on a notable building. Some suggestions/issues below:
I wrote both on behalf of Wells Cathedral School, but I have updated the text that appears on Vimeo if we can use the text as is for Wikipedia. See link with updated text: https://vimeo.com/199394813 Mandy Hole ( talk) 10:09, 20 December 2017 (UTC)
Thank you - no, I read it again and this isn't clear! Can we change the first line to 'Cedars Hall is Wells Cathedral School's performing arts venue located in Wells, Somerset, England...' Mandy Hole ( talk) 10:09, 20 December 2017 (UTC)
Sorry - could we change to 'Eric Parry Architects is an Award Winning Global Architecture, Design, Planning and Strategic Consultancy based in London.' If you still need a link, there is an article about him on The Telegraph http://www.telegraph.co.uk/luxury/property-and-architecture/architect-eric-parry-shares-his-inspirations/ Mandy Hole ( talk) 10:09, 20 December 2017 (UTC)
Mandy Hole - These are my key concerns. Do drop a line here if it would help to discuss how you might go about addressing them, or need clarification on any point. Regards. KJP1 ( talk) 09:45, 20 December 2017 (UTC)
I'm now straying a little from the criteria for acceptability, but we might as well cover off some of the basics. The Contractors section consists of short para.s, which are not in accordance with Wikipedia's Manual of Style. See this Wikipedia:Manual of Style/Layout and this Wikipedia:Writing better articles#Paragraphs. The only lengthy para.is overly detailed for an article about the building. I would run them all together. I shall do this, to show you what I mean, but I'll do it in a single edit so that you can "Undo" it if you don't like it. KJP1 ( talk) 14:00, 20 December 2017 (UTC)
If you can address the text similarities between what are now the second and third paragraphs of the Performance and practice spaces section (see above), I think the key points are addressed. The prose is sometimes still a little too promotional, "unique" and "state-of-the-art" facilities, for example, and it is still over-reliant on sources directly connected to the school or to the contractors who worked on the building. But I think these are lesser issues that can be addressed over time. I have tried to add some "independent" sources - it is quite a well-covered building and I'm sure more could be found. So key points:
It is a very interesting building and you have done a good job on the article to date. Let me know if any more clarification s needed. KJP1 ( talk) 14:38, 20 December 2017 (UTC)
![]() | This article is rated Start-class on Wikipedia's
content assessment scale. It is of interest to the following WikiProjects: | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
A good draft, on a notable building. Some suggestions/issues below:
I wrote both on behalf of Wells Cathedral School, but I have updated the text that appears on Vimeo if we can use the text as is for Wikipedia. See link with updated text: https://vimeo.com/199394813 Mandy Hole ( talk) 10:09, 20 December 2017 (UTC)
Thank you - no, I read it again and this isn't clear! Can we change the first line to 'Cedars Hall is Wells Cathedral School's performing arts venue located in Wells, Somerset, England...' Mandy Hole ( talk) 10:09, 20 December 2017 (UTC)
Sorry - could we change to 'Eric Parry Architects is an Award Winning Global Architecture, Design, Planning and Strategic Consultancy based in London.' If you still need a link, there is an article about him on The Telegraph http://www.telegraph.co.uk/luxury/property-and-architecture/architect-eric-parry-shares-his-inspirations/ Mandy Hole ( talk) 10:09, 20 December 2017 (UTC)
Mandy Hole - These are my key concerns. Do drop a line here if it would help to discuss how you might go about addressing them, or need clarification on any point. Regards. KJP1 ( talk) 09:45, 20 December 2017 (UTC)
I'm now straying a little from the criteria for acceptability, but we might as well cover off some of the basics. The Contractors section consists of short para.s, which are not in accordance with Wikipedia's Manual of Style. See this Wikipedia:Manual of Style/Layout and this Wikipedia:Writing better articles#Paragraphs. The only lengthy para.is overly detailed for an article about the building. I would run them all together. I shall do this, to show you what I mean, but I'll do it in a single edit so that you can "Undo" it if you don't like it. KJP1 ( talk) 14:00, 20 December 2017 (UTC)
If you can address the text similarities between what are now the second and third paragraphs of the Performance and practice spaces section (see above), I think the key points are addressed. The prose is sometimes still a little too promotional, "unique" and "state-of-the-art" facilities, for example, and it is still over-reliant on sources directly connected to the school or to the contractors who worked on the building. But I think these are lesser issues that can be addressed over time. I have tried to add some "independent" sources - it is quite a well-covered building and I'm sure more could be found. So key points:
It is a very interesting building and you have done a good job on the article to date. Let me know if any more clarification s needed. KJP1 ( talk) 14:38, 20 December 2017 (UTC)