I usually leave the lead till last so that I can check whether it provides an appropriate summary of the rest of the article.
Looking at "Early life and education", I see that the second sentence is missing the word "he", and the second paragraph has repeated use of the word "would". Compared to the rest of the article, some of the prose is quite awkward in this section.
"Then they moved back to Mohawk in 1875 and began activities of balloon manufacturing and flying." - The previous sentence was about Myers singular so perhaps "The couple moved back to Mohawk ...".
"The balloons that had just been assembled were partially inflated outdoors to test if they held the hydrogen gas properly." - This sentence could be swapped around with the previous one to give a more logical order.
"Newspapers reported that he was the only producer in the United States of hydrogen gas balloons for the government." - This sentence doesn't seem to be in the right place either.
"Each application of new varnish added little thickness, that even a precise measuring instrument could hardly detect." - This sentence is confused and needs rewriting.
The paragraph that starts "This same general area of the property" is about drying the varnished material whereas the next paragraph is about the varnishing process. This order seems illogical and you might swap the paragraphs around.
"The intelligence information learned about the enemy and their potential attacks from the water was to be passed onto the Army." - Perhaps change to "The intelligence gleaned about the enemy and its possible intentions could be passed on to the Army."
"Myers used as an example to win the $20,000 prize of the Aero Club the French balloonist Alberto Santos-Dumont spent more than that amount in six airships that he entered into the tournament to win the prize." - Needs some extra punctuation.
"Myers described that the controlling done remotely could be done by waves of light from a far distance." - Perhaps change to "Myers described how the controlling could be done remotely by transmitting waves of light from a distance."
Various improvements have been made to the article's prose, and I have done some copediting. I believe the article is sufficiently well written, and complies with MOS guidelines on grammar, structure and layout.
The article uses many reliable third-party sources, and makes frequent citations to them. I do not believe it contains original research.
The article covers the main aspects of the subject and remains focussed.
The article is neutral.
The article was created by the nominator on 19 February 2016 and is stable.
The images are relevant and have suitable captions, and all are in the public domain.
I usually leave the lead till last so that I can check whether it provides an appropriate summary of the rest of the article.
Looking at "Early life and education", I see that the second sentence is missing the word "he", and the second paragraph has repeated use of the word "would". Compared to the rest of the article, some of the prose is quite awkward in this section.
"Then they moved back to Mohawk in 1875 and began activities of balloon manufacturing and flying." - The previous sentence was about Myers singular so perhaps "The couple moved back to Mohawk ...".
"The balloons that had just been assembled were partially inflated outdoors to test if they held the hydrogen gas properly." - This sentence could be swapped around with the previous one to give a more logical order.
"Newspapers reported that he was the only producer in the United States of hydrogen gas balloons for the government." - This sentence doesn't seem to be in the right place either.
"Each application of new varnish added little thickness, that even a precise measuring instrument could hardly detect." - This sentence is confused and needs rewriting.
The paragraph that starts "This same general area of the property" is about drying the varnished material whereas the next paragraph is about the varnishing process. This order seems illogical and you might swap the paragraphs around.
"The intelligence information learned about the enemy and their potential attacks from the water was to be passed onto the Army." - Perhaps change to "The intelligence gleaned about the enemy and its possible intentions could be passed on to the Army."
"Myers used as an example to win the $20,000 prize of the Aero Club the French balloonist Alberto Santos-Dumont spent more than that amount in six airships that he entered into the tournament to win the prize." - Needs some extra punctuation.
"Myers described that the controlling done remotely could be done by waves of light from a far distance." - Perhaps change to "Myers described how the controlling could be done remotely by transmitting waves of light from a distance."
Various improvements have been made to the article's prose, and I have done some copediting. I believe the article is sufficiently well written, and complies with MOS guidelines on grammar, structure and layout.
The article uses many reliable third-party sources, and makes frequent citations to them. I do not believe it contains original research.
The article covers the main aspects of the subject and remains focussed.
The article is neutral.
The article was created by the nominator on 19 February 2016 and is stable.
The images are relevant and have suitable captions, and all are in the public domain.