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Reviewer: Bobamnertiopsis ( talk · contribs) 21:12, 2 October 2014 (UTC)
I'll take this one!
Good Article review progress box
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I will be back to finish this review later and/or tomorrow.
BobAmnertiopsis
∴
ChatMe!
21:12, 2 October 2014 (UTC)
After reviewing the article once more, I'm happy to Pass it! Good work quickly resolving issues! All the best, BobAmnertiopsis ∴ ChatMe! 05:18, 4 October 2014 (UTC)
This article is vague, poorly written, and overly self-promotional. I say this as a person that went to Briarcliff High School. As of July 2008, there is nothing of any real substance on this page, but instead some self-congratulatory nostalgic blather about past athletic teams that Briarcliff (not to mention the wider world) has already forgotten. For the most part, this article could stand to be totally re-written. —Preceding unsigned comment added by 76.74.90.189 ( talk) 20:45, 8 July 2008 (UTC)
I don't know where to put this, but it should be noted somewhere in the article about the open room in the school called the Maresca where students study surrounded by teacher's offices. Citation: Weinstock, Cheryl (April 2, 2000). "If You're Thinking of Living In/Briarcliff Manor; Small-Town Quality But Near Manhattan". The New York Times. Retrieved September 12, 2014. -- ɱ (talk · vbm) 22:15, 27 January 2015 (UTC)
As I go through the article, I will place any major concerns here. I will also make notes regarding the Featured Article checklist. Please remember, however, that I am not one of the FA reviewers, but rather just trying to find what I can before you send it over to the eagle-eyed folks at FA. - Pax85 ( talk) 05:14, 12 June 2015 (UTC)
1a. Well-written - Overall, very good, although I provided comments where I thought necessary below. Be sure to watch tenses too, as the history section, particularly towards the end got a bit confusing.
1b. Comprehensive - Everything is here, although the sports details need to be verified and made viewable in the article. The last paragraph in the theater section can probably be split and expanded into awards and past production practices. I would recommend placing the awards last in the section.
1c. Well-researched - Definitely well-researched, but could use some updating in some spots, such as for the administration and the currently-hidden sports text.
1d. Neutral - Seems fine
1e. Stable: Article content seems subject to no edit wars, and has been stable with few major edits over the past 5 months.
2a. Lead: Overall, seems to be a very good summary of the article. Can the administration information be updated in the first paragraph, or somehow reflected that the same administration is still in place? For example, "Since 2014, the principal has been..." The current wording leaves it a bit ambiguous since we are well into 2015. Also, the wording in the first sentence of the second paragraph gets a bit awkward. Unless you want to mention test scores specifically, I think you should say this: "Briarcliff is noted for outstanding student achievement and academic accomplishments", and proceed with the rest of the list from there.
2b. Appropriate structure - As I mentioned below, I think a bit of restructuring for the extracurricular activities may be very helpful, using Stuyvesant High School as an example. This will lend the article to easier expansion in the future, and help keep everything organized. 2c.
3. Media - All seems OK here. All media is either free-use, or has been deemed appropriate under fair-use conditions.
4. Length - The length could be a bit longer, but this will be helped with some expansion the sports section, theater section, and other smaller recommendations. Try to be exhaustive but not wordy!
The topic sentence for the second paragraph seems a bit out of place, since the article focuses on facilities up to this point. I'm not sure it needs to be mentioned here at all, but could be mentioned in an "extracurriculars" section. I think a terrific example of how to handle extracurriculars can be found in this featured article. It might mean a bit of restructuring after the copy edit is finished, but the actual content should remain relatively unscathed; it will also result in more room for logical expansion.
Towards the end, it gets a bit confusing, as the article moves between present and past events. Try to keep the entire history section in past tense, and if you need to move to the present, make sure dates and times of construction are very clear. For example, the article mentions that the new hockey field will be finished by Labor Day. I assume it meant Labor Day 2015, but I am not sure.
The History section was very extensive, but most of it was about building improvements, which can get a bit dry. What about history of the people and programs themselves? - Pax85 ( talk) 04:51, 14 June 2015 (UTC)
The early 1980s witnessed the rise of advanced science and math teaching at Briarcliff High School. Though there was declining enrollment and a developing recession, spirits remained high. Physics teacher Mr. Eisencraft [?] besides being featured in a Scientific American article, taught advanced Physics, as well as regular (Regents) Physics. We had, at the time, usually two A.P. courses offered: one by Dr. Farrell on American History, and the other, Calculus. However, for the 1981 - 1982 school year, a third was added: A.P. Biology, led by the jovial Mr. Bruce Renee. And an Astronomy class was introduced in 1980/81, taught by Earth Science instructor Mr. Tom Maguire. (...) The school, physically, was somewhat backward and un-updated, as there was no auditorium for example, and the lone computer room was quite small. Yet it was reasonably standard for a small NYC suburban school district at the time. Nonetheless there was a sense that BHS was maturing, intellectually, as there was growing academic rigor and excitement present. Additionally, an intelligent, young mathematics and computer instructor had been recently introduced: one Mr. Raihl. My brother and I would ironically joke that we were "relaxing with Raihl" when taking one of his classes (from an SCTV scit): in actuality, it proved quite different as he placed you to work. He was very informed, and his PreCalculus classes would feature large sections devoted to advanced Math.
If someone could supply me with the correct spelling of all these good teachers, I would be pleased to introduce a segment about this era into the main article. It did seem, then, that the emphasis was straight science, but this should not be surprising! These few years witnessed the developing Space Shuttle program, the Mt. St. Helens explosion in Washington, the Voyager spacecraft visits to Jupiter and Saturn, Dr. Carl Sagan and his "Cosmos" science documentary, PBS's continuing "NOVA" telecasts, and America's growing fascination with the computer. The Chemistry instructor at the time was Mr. Starr.
All in the math and science programs were very solid instructors. The whole school was like this, but it was the variety and interest in science at the time, and developing courses, that made this era unusual and notable. Seniors would often take science electives to pad their applications to College, but some Juniors also attended. ( John G. Lewis ( talk) 16:14, 2 June 2016 (UTC))
I'll try to place something up this winter, re what BHS was like 40 years ago. I was the class of 1982. ( John G. Lewis ( talk) 06:41, 7 October 2018 (UTC))
(UTC)
Everything looks good, just need to update for current stats, if available.
The last paragraph seems like it is two different subjects. It starts out mentioning awards, then moves into extent and methods of production. Can these be split and expanded?
Can we get more information? I notice there is a large block of hidden text... Also, the chart is very cramped, but I imagine that will be fixed once that text is made visible.
Under basketball, it mentions Lombardi. Is this bit necessary, since there is no context?
Overall, wonderful article. I think there are a few things to look at before FA, but certainly nothing insurmountable. If you have any questions, or would like any help now that the copy edit is complete, please let me know! - Pax85 ( talk) 01:24, 16 June 2015 (UTC)
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This is the
talk page for discussing improvements to the
Briarcliff High School article. This is not a forum for general discussion of the article's subject. |
Article policies
|
Find sources: Google ( books · news · scholar · free images · WP refs) · FENS · JSTOR · TWL |
Briarcliff High School has been listed as one of the Social sciences and society good articles under the good article criteria. If you can improve it further, please do so. If it no longer meets these criteria, you can reassess it. | |||||||||||||
Briarcliff High School is part of the Briarcliff Manor series, a good topic. This is identified as among the best series of articles produced by the Wikipedia community. If you can update or improve it, please do so. | |||||||||||||
| |||||||||||||
A
fact from this article appeared on Wikipedia's
Main Page in the "
Did you know?" column on
November 17, 2014. The text of the entry was: Did you know ... that in 2014,
Newsweek ranked
Briarcliff High School 17th-best in the United States? | |||||||||||||
Current status: Good article |
This article is rated GA-class on Wikipedia's
content assessment scale. It is of interest to the following WikiProjects: | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
GA toolbox |
---|
Reviewing |
Reviewer: Bobamnertiopsis ( talk · contribs) 21:12, 2 October 2014 (UTC)
I'll take this one!
Good Article review progress box
|
I will be back to finish this review later and/or tomorrow.
BobAmnertiopsis
∴
ChatMe!
21:12, 2 October 2014 (UTC)
After reviewing the article once more, I'm happy to Pass it! Good work quickly resolving issues! All the best, BobAmnertiopsis ∴ ChatMe! 05:18, 4 October 2014 (UTC)
This article is vague, poorly written, and overly self-promotional. I say this as a person that went to Briarcliff High School. As of July 2008, there is nothing of any real substance on this page, but instead some self-congratulatory nostalgic blather about past athletic teams that Briarcliff (not to mention the wider world) has already forgotten. For the most part, this article could stand to be totally re-written. —Preceding unsigned comment added by 76.74.90.189 ( talk) 20:45, 8 July 2008 (UTC)
I don't know where to put this, but it should be noted somewhere in the article about the open room in the school called the Maresca where students study surrounded by teacher's offices. Citation: Weinstock, Cheryl (April 2, 2000). "If You're Thinking of Living In/Briarcliff Manor; Small-Town Quality But Near Manhattan". The New York Times. Retrieved September 12, 2014. -- ɱ (talk · vbm) 22:15, 27 January 2015 (UTC)
As I go through the article, I will place any major concerns here. I will also make notes regarding the Featured Article checklist. Please remember, however, that I am not one of the FA reviewers, but rather just trying to find what I can before you send it over to the eagle-eyed folks at FA. - Pax85 ( talk) 05:14, 12 June 2015 (UTC)
1a. Well-written - Overall, very good, although I provided comments where I thought necessary below. Be sure to watch tenses too, as the history section, particularly towards the end got a bit confusing.
1b. Comprehensive - Everything is here, although the sports details need to be verified and made viewable in the article. The last paragraph in the theater section can probably be split and expanded into awards and past production practices. I would recommend placing the awards last in the section.
1c. Well-researched - Definitely well-researched, but could use some updating in some spots, such as for the administration and the currently-hidden sports text.
1d. Neutral - Seems fine
1e. Stable: Article content seems subject to no edit wars, and has been stable with few major edits over the past 5 months.
2a. Lead: Overall, seems to be a very good summary of the article. Can the administration information be updated in the first paragraph, or somehow reflected that the same administration is still in place? For example, "Since 2014, the principal has been..." The current wording leaves it a bit ambiguous since we are well into 2015. Also, the wording in the first sentence of the second paragraph gets a bit awkward. Unless you want to mention test scores specifically, I think you should say this: "Briarcliff is noted for outstanding student achievement and academic accomplishments", and proceed with the rest of the list from there.
2b. Appropriate structure - As I mentioned below, I think a bit of restructuring for the extracurricular activities may be very helpful, using Stuyvesant High School as an example. This will lend the article to easier expansion in the future, and help keep everything organized. 2c.
3. Media - All seems OK here. All media is either free-use, or has been deemed appropriate under fair-use conditions.
4. Length - The length could be a bit longer, but this will be helped with some expansion the sports section, theater section, and other smaller recommendations. Try to be exhaustive but not wordy!
The topic sentence for the second paragraph seems a bit out of place, since the article focuses on facilities up to this point. I'm not sure it needs to be mentioned here at all, but could be mentioned in an "extracurriculars" section. I think a terrific example of how to handle extracurriculars can be found in this featured article. It might mean a bit of restructuring after the copy edit is finished, but the actual content should remain relatively unscathed; it will also result in more room for logical expansion.
Towards the end, it gets a bit confusing, as the article moves between present and past events. Try to keep the entire history section in past tense, and if you need to move to the present, make sure dates and times of construction are very clear. For example, the article mentions that the new hockey field will be finished by Labor Day. I assume it meant Labor Day 2015, but I am not sure.
The History section was very extensive, but most of it was about building improvements, which can get a bit dry. What about history of the people and programs themselves? - Pax85 ( talk) 04:51, 14 June 2015 (UTC)
The early 1980s witnessed the rise of advanced science and math teaching at Briarcliff High School. Though there was declining enrollment and a developing recession, spirits remained high. Physics teacher Mr. Eisencraft [?] besides being featured in a Scientific American article, taught advanced Physics, as well as regular (Regents) Physics. We had, at the time, usually two A.P. courses offered: one by Dr. Farrell on American History, and the other, Calculus. However, for the 1981 - 1982 school year, a third was added: A.P. Biology, led by the jovial Mr. Bruce Renee. And an Astronomy class was introduced in 1980/81, taught by Earth Science instructor Mr. Tom Maguire. (...) The school, physically, was somewhat backward and un-updated, as there was no auditorium for example, and the lone computer room was quite small. Yet it was reasonably standard for a small NYC suburban school district at the time. Nonetheless there was a sense that BHS was maturing, intellectually, as there was growing academic rigor and excitement present. Additionally, an intelligent, young mathematics and computer instructor had been recently introduced: one Mr. Raihl. My brother and I would ironically joke that we were "relaxing with Raihl" when taking one of his classes (from an SCTV scit): in actuality, it proved quite different as he placed you to work. He was very informed, and his PreCalculus classes would feature large sections devoted to advanced Math.
If someone could supply me with the correct spelling of all these good teachers, I would be pleased to introduce a segment about this era into the main article. It did seem, then, that the emphasis was straight science, but this should not be surprising! These few years witnessed the developing Space Shuttle program, the Mt. St. Helens explosion in Washington, the Voyager spacecraft visits to Jupiter and Saturn, Dr. Carl Sagan and his "Cosmos" science documentary, PBS's continuing "NOVA" telecasts, and America's growing fascination with the computer. The Chemistry instructor at the time was Mr. Starr.
All in the math and science programs were very solid instructors. The whole school was like this, but it was the variety and interest in science at the time, and developing courses, that made this era unusual and notable. Seniors would often take science electives to pad their applications to College, but some Juniors also attended. ( John G. Lewis ( talk) 16:14, 2 June 2016 (UTC))
I'll try to place something up this winter, re what BHS was like 40 years ago. I was the class of 1982. ( John G. Lewis ( talk) 06:41, 7 October 2018 (UTC))
(UTC)
Everything looks good, just need to update for current stats, if available.
The last paragraph seems like it is two different subjects. It starts out mentioning awards, then moves into extent and methods of production. Can these be split and expanded?
Can we get more information? I notice there is a large block of hidden text... Also, the chart is very cramped, but I imagine that will be fixed once that text is made visible.
Under basketball, it mentions Lombardi. Is this bit necessary, since there is no context?
Overall, wonderful article. I think there are a few things to look at before FA, but certainly nothing insurmountable. If you have any questions, or would like any help now that the copy edit is complete, please let me know! - Pax85 ( talk) 01:24, 16 June 2015 (UTC)
Hello fellow Wikipedians,
I have just added archive links to one external link on
Briarcliff High School. Please take a moment to review
my edit. You may add {{
cbignore}}
after the link to keep me from modifying it, if I keep adding bad data, but formatting bugs should be reported instead. Alternatively, you can add {{
nobots|deny=InternetArchiveBot}}
to keep me off the page altogether, but should be used as a last resort. I made the following changes:
When you have finished reviewing my changes, please set the checked parameter below to true or failed to let others know (documentation at {{
Sourcecheck}}
).
This message was posted before February 2018.
After February 2018, "External links modified" talk page sections are no longer generated or monitored by InternetArchiveBot. No special action is required regarding these talk page notices, other than
regular verification using the archive tool instructions below. Editors
have permission to delete these "External links modified" talk page sections if they want to de-clutter talk pages, but see the
RfC before doing mass systematic removals. This message is updated dynamically through the template {{
source check}}
(last update: 5 June 2024).
Cheers.— cyberbot II Talk to my owner:Online 11:56, 30 March 2016 (UTC)
Hello fellow Wikipedians,
I have just modified one external link on Briarcliff High School. Please take a moment to review my edit. If you have any questions, or need the bot to ignore the links, or the page altogether, please visit this simple FaQ for additional information. I made the following changes:
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This message was posted before February 2018.
After February 2018, "External links modified" talk page sections are no longer generated or monitored by InternetArchiveBot. No special action is required regarding these talk page notices, other than
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source check}}
(last update: 5 June 2024).
Cheers.— InternetArchiveBot ( Report bug) 16:09, 25 July 2017 (UTC)