From the lead "It was released on 3 June 2011, via Polydor Records, as the first single from Roberts's debut solo album, Cinderella's Eyes." ----> "It was released on 3 June 2011, by Polydor Records, as the
lead single from Roberts's debut solo album, Cinderella's Eyes (2011)."
There are too many sentences that start with "The song" - needs a variety
Why is British linked to the UK? There is an article about it
British English
"Written to be British and fun, Roberts intended the song to be one to which people can sing and dance." - missing a word at the end "to".
Roberts's days in the band Girls Aloud --> Roberts' days in the band Girls Aloud
which went onto receive controversy in the media. - I get what you are trying to say but this read very lousy
And what is this supposed to tell readers "gathered acclaim from critics"?
A music video featuring Roberts performing in a hall with dancers was released. - this provides little to no information about the concept and central theme of the music video itself. Look at the ones mentioned above for a better way of presenting the video
I see too many prose problems with this article such as "Before starting her solo career, Roberts was one fifth of the girl band Girls Aloud", does not make any sense at all. Who are the "Girls Aloud"? Per
provide context to the uninformed reader.
"she received negative attention" - you mean "negative criticism"?
"While talking of "Beat of My Drum"" - to who? Per
WP:WEASEL
"The vocals are performed against sirens, and, lyrically," you don't need the coma after "and" and "lyrically"
File:Nicola Roberts - Beat of My Drum.ogg fails
WP:NFCC. The caption reads "A 18 second sample of the song's chorus, which samples "Pon de Floor" by Major Lazer." - (1) why do we first learn it here? (2) this does not justify that the
WP:SAMPLE should be used for this article because it does not give any value or information that a reader can't identify. Also the sample needs a "further rational" see
File:Amor Prohibido.ogg.
AJona1992, with respect, you've given some rather poor advice here. For instance-
"Written to be British and fun, Roberts intended the song to be one to which people can sing and dance." - missing a word at the end "to". to which people can sing and dance to? No... While it is not always wrong to end a sentence with a preposition, we certainly don't need to have one in the sentence and at the end.
Roberts's days in the band Girls Aloud --> Roberts' days in the band Girls Aloud Either is acceptable. See
our article.
I see too many prose problems with this article such as "Before starting her solo career, Roberts was one fifth of the girl band Girls Aloud", does not make any sense at all. Who are the "Girls Aloud"? Per provide context to the uninformed reader. As is noted in the quote, they're a girl band
The article is nowhere near so poor as to warrant quickfailing, and certainly not so poor that it doesn't deserve a full review. Spiceitup08, I hope you are not disheartened and, still feel like nominating it again. The prose isn't perfect, but this article genuinely is getting there.
J Milburn (
talk)
01:01, 4 January 2012 (UTC)reply
From the lead "It was released on 3 June 2011, via Polydor Records, as the first single from Roberts's debut solo album, Cinderella's Eyes." ----> "It was released on 3 June 2011, by Polydor Records, as the
lead single from Roberts's debut solo album, Cinderella's Eyes (2011)."
There are too many sentences that start with "The song" - needs a variety
Why is British linked to the UK? There is an article about it
British English
"Written to be British and fun, Roberts intended the song to be one to which people can sing and dance." - missing a word at the end "to".
Roberts's days in the band Girls Aloud --> Roberts' days in the band Girls Aloud
which went onto receive controversy in the media. - I get what you are trying to say but this read very lousy
And what is this supposed to tell readers "gathered acclaim from critics"?
A music video featuring Roberts performing in a hall with dancers was released. - this provides little to no information about the concept and central theme of the music video itself. Look at the ones mentioned above for a better way of presenting the video
I see too many prose problems with this article such as "Before starting her solo career, Roberts was one fifth of the girl band Girls Aloud", does not make any sense at all. Who are the "Girls Aloud"? Per
provide context to the uninformed reader.
"she received negative attention" - you mean "negative criticism"?
"While talking of "Beat of My Drum"" - to who? Per
WP:WEASEL
"The vocals are performed against sirens, and, lyrically," you don't need the coma after "and" and "lyrically"
File:Nicola Roberts - Beat of My Drum.ogg fails
WP:NFCC. The caption reads "A 18 second sample of the song's chorus, which samples "Pon de Floor" by Major Lazer." - (1) why do we first learn it here? (2) this does not justify that the
WP:SAMPLE should be used for this article because it does not give any value or information that a reader can't identify. Also the sample needs a "further rational" see
File:Amor Prohibido.ogg.
AJona1992, with respect, you've given some rather poor advice here. For instance-
"Written to be British and fun, Roberts intended the song to be one to which people can sing and dance." - missing a word at the end "to". to which people can sing and dance to? No... While it is not always wrong to end a sentence with a preposition, we certainly don't need to have one in the sentence and at the end.
Roberts's days in the band Girls Aloud --> Roberts' days in the band Girls Aloud Either is acceptable. See
our article.
I see too many prose problems with this article such as "Before starting her solo career, Roberts was one fifth of the girl band Girls Aloud", does not make any sense at all. Who are the "Girls Aloud"? Per provide context to the uninformed reader. As is noted in the quote, they're a girl band
The article is nowhere near so poor as to warrant quickfailing, and certainly not so poor that it doesn't deserve a full review. Spiceitup08, I hope you are not disheartened and, still feel like nominating it again. The prose isn't perfect, but this article genuinely is getting there.
J Milburn (
talk)
01:01, 4 January 2012 (UTC)reply