Please put a Done or Not done explaining your concern next to addressed points.
Lead
Lyrically, the song "is about a tumultuous relationship where neither side wants to compromise." → When you put a quote in the lead, you have to put the source there.
Not done I'm confused. Do you mean: Lyrically, the song "is about a tumultuous relationship where neither side wants to compromise", as stated by Jocelyn Vena of
MTV News or do I just add a reference?
Oztalk00:54, 11 February 2012 (UTC)reply
I did a slight copyedit of the lead. There were no major issues.
Thanks. But the last sentence: "The song has been covered by English alternative rock band Fightstar which was performed on the television show One Life to Live" makes it seem like they performed the song on the show which they didn't.
Oztalk00:54, 11 February 2012 (UTC)reply
That's how it read because of the order you had written it in. So the band didn't perform it on TV?
Aaron •
You Da One
So Fightstar didn't perform the cover on One Life to Live? I'm confused lol.
Aaron •
You Da One
Fightstar performed Battlefield on BBC Radio 1's Live Lounge and the cast of One Life to Live performed Battlefield on their show (One Life to Live).
Oztalk22:26, 11 February 2012 (UTC)reply
Background and release
"She later received a phone call saying she was going to record "Battlefield"." → I think this could be worded better. How about "She later received a phone call which confirmed that she was to record "Battlefield"." Done
"was first released" → removed "first" Done
"A Digital EP with" → why is "Digital" capitalised. Done
Can you provide a better caption for the audio file? Done
Critical reception
", writing that," → ", writing" Done
""incredible" and wrote, " → ""incredible," writing " Done
You say "Battlefield" 10 times in this section. Replace some of them with "the song" or "it". Done
This is like
WP:QUOTEFARM, can you paraphrase some of the quotes. Done
You say "writing" or "wrote" a lot, how about "described", "stated", "noted", "thought", "concluded" ? Done
Chart performance
Again, you write "Battlefield" 11 times, it's very repetitive. Done
Numbers one to nine should be written as such. Only double digits should be written numerically. Be consistent, as you flick between the two. Done
"In the United Kingdom, "Battlefield" debuted on the UK Singles Chart" → Use either United Kingdom or
UK Singles Chart, you don't need to say both. Done
"In Ireland, "Battlefield" debuted and peaked at number nine on the Irish Singles Chart" → Same here. Don't need to say both.
"number 81.." → There are two full stops. Done
"the Netherlands" → The Netherlands Done
"In Switzerland, "Battlefield" debuted and peaked on the Swiss Singles Chart" → Same as UK and Ireland points above. Done
"In Sweden, "Battlefield" debuted on the Swedish Singles Chart" → Same as UK, Ireland and Switzerland. Done
I made some corrections to the sales certifications.
OKay. I'm passing the article. Everything else has been addressed. It's not the end of the world that there isn't a screenshot, at least there is an audio sample.
Aaron •
You Da One12:50, 15 February 2012 (UTC)reply
Please put a Done or Not done explaining your concern next to addressed points.
Lead
Lyrically, the song "is about a tumultuous relationship where neither side wants to compromise." → When you put a quote in the lead, you have to put the source there.
Not done I'm confused. Do you mean: Lyrically, the song "is about a tumultuous relationship where neither side wants to compromise", as stated by Jocelyn Vena of
MTV News or do I just add a reference?
Oztalk00:54, 11 February 2012 (UTC)reply
I did a slight copyedit of the lead. There were no major issues.
Thanks. But the last sentence: "The song has been covered by English alternative rock band Fightstar which was performed on the television show One Life to Live" makes it seem like they performed the song on the show which they didn't.
Oztalk00:54, 11 February 2012 (UTC)reply
That's how it read because of the order you had written it in. So the band didn't perform it on TV?
Aaron •
You Da One
So Fightstar didn't perform the cover on One Life to Live? I'm confused lol.
Aaron •
You Da One
Fightstar performed Battlefield on BBC Radio 1's Live Lounge and the cast of One Life to Live performed Battlefield on their show (One Life to Live).
Oztalk22:26, 11 February 2012 (UTC)reply
Background and release
"She later received a phone call saying she was going to record "Battlefield"." → I think this could be worded better. How about "She later received a phone call which confirmed that she was to record "Battlefield"." Done
"was first released" → removed "first" Done
"A Digital EP with" → why is "Digital" capitalised. Done
Can you provide a better caption for the audio file? Done
Critical reception
", writing that," → ", writing" Done
""incredible" and wrote, " → ""incredible," writing " Done
You say "Battlefield" 10 times in this section. Replace some of them with "the song" or "it". Done
This is like
WP:QUOTEFARM, can you paraphrase some of the quotes. Done
You say "writing" or "wrote" a lot, how about "described", "stated", "noted", "thought", "concluded" ? Done
Chart performance
Again, you write "Battlefield" 11 times, it's very repetitive. Done
Numbers one to nine should be written as such. Only double digits should be written numerically. Be consistent, as you flick between the two. Done
"In the United Kingdom, "Battlefield" debuted on the UK Singles Chart" → Use either United Kingdom or
UK Singles Chart, you don't need to say both. Done
"In Ireland, "Battlefield" debuted and peaked at number nine on the Irish Singles Chart" → Same here. Don't need to say both.
"number 81.." → There are two full stops. Done
"the Netherlands" → The Netherlands Done
"In Switzerland, "Battlefield" debuted and peaked on the Swiss Singles Chart" → Same as UK and Ireland points above. Done
"In Sweden, "Battlefield" debuted on the Swedish Singles Chart" → Same as UK, Ireland and Switzerland. Done
I made some corrections to the sales certifications.
OKay. I'm passing the article. Everything else has been addressed. It's not the end of the world that there isn't a screenshot, at least there is an audio sample.
Aaron •
You Da One12:50, 15 February 2012 (UTC)reply