The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Reviewer: Asilvering ( talk · contribs) 00:43, 3 March 2024 (UTC)
Hi Cagliost, I see there are some citation needed tags on this article. Can you please address these? Having several outstanding maintenance tags is typically grounds for a quickfail, but I see that they were added after you nominated the article and would rather you had the opportunity to clear them up first. -- asilvering ( talk) 00:43, 3 March 2024 (UTC)
Otto Strasser dismissively described Schirach as "a young effeminate".-- this doesn't fit with the rest of the paragraph. What's going on here? -- asilvering ( talk) 23:01, 12 March 2024 (UTC)
"deep and raw, resonant like a cello."What's this from? A diary entry? The poem? -- asilvering ( talk) 23:01, 12 March 2024 (UTC)
In October 1924, Hitler again visited Weimar, and visited the home of Schirach's father.-- no apparent relevance? -- asilvering ( talk) 23:01, 12 March 2024 (UTC)
Schirach was skilled at bureaucratic power struggles: these events aren't obviously linked. I assume this is a summary of ch5 of the source, but since readers of this article aren't readers of that book, we either need more to go on or less (ie, remove the less-relevant stuff). -- asilvering ( talk) 23:01, 12 March 2024 (UTC)
On 31 March 1932, Schirach married Henriette Hoffmann.: we already got some of this information in Early Life. In general I think a straight chronological order is not the right way to write biography articles, but in this case we have four entire paragraphs in this section, which appears to be chronological, before picking up at a time point already covered in a previous section. -- asilvering ( talk) 23:01, 12 March 2024 (UTC)
Under Schirach, the Hitler Youth stewarded NSDAP events, and 21 members died in 1932.-- this definitely needs more context. It doesn't need to be extensive, but there's no indication before this that Schirach was involved in anything more dangerous than a couple of duels, and now we have 21 dead. -- asilvering ( talk) 23:01, 12 March 2024 (UTC)
As leader of the Hitler Youth,- I think it would be much better to give a chronological biography that hits the main points and orients the reader, then having other sections in the biography that go into more detail on, for example, his leadership of the Hitler Youth and his involvement in propaganda. -- asilvering ( talk) 23:01, 12 March 2024 (UTC)
An incident at the Berghof on 24 June 1943: there are several different accounts of this conversation. It would be better to use summary style than to quote one of them. -- asilvering ( talk) 23:01, 12 March 2024 (UTC)
On 16 August 1943: unclear if this is his recollection or based on some other evidence. At any rate this is the kind of thing that is probably better contextualized in the section on his trial. -- asilvering ( talk) 23:01, 12 March 2024 (UTC)
Since I think this needs a fundamental reorganization to bring it to GA standard, I'm going to fail this review. I'll leave it open for a bit to give you a chance to ask any questions. -- asilvering ( talk) 23:01, 12 March 2024 (UTC)
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Reviewer: Asilvering ( talk · contribs) 00:43, 3 March 2024 (UTC)
Hi Cagliost, I see there are some citation needed tags on this article. Can you please address these? Having several outstanding maintenance tags is typically grounds for a quickfail, but I see that they were added after you nominated the article and would rather you had the opportunity to clear them up first. -- asilvering ( talk) 00:43, 3 March 2024 (UTC)
Otto Strasser dismissively described Schirach as "a young effeminate".-- this doesn't fit with the rest of the paragraph. What's going on here? -- asilvering ( talk) 23:01, 12 March 2024 (UTC)
"deep and raw, resonant like a cello."What's this from? A diary entry? The poem? -- asilvering ( talk) 23:01, 12 March 2024 (UTC)
In October 1924, Hitler again visited Weimar, and visited the home of Schirach's father.-- no apparent relevance? -- asilvering ( talk) 23:01, 12 March 2024 (UTC)
Schirach was skilled at bureaucratic power struggles: these events aren't obviously linked. I assume this is a summary of ch5 of the source, but since readers of this article aren't readers of that book, we either need more to go on or less (ie, remove the less-relevant stuff). -- asilvering ( talk) 23:01, 12 March 2024 (UTC)
On 31 March 1932, Schirach married Henriette Hoffmann.: we already got some of this information in Early Life. In general I think a straight chronological order is not the right way to write biography articles, but in this case we have four entire paragraphs in this section, which appears to be chronological, before picking up at a time point already covered in a previous section. -- asilvering ( talk) 23:01, 12 March 2024 (UTC)
Under Schirach, the Hitler Youth stewarded NSDAP events, and 21 members died in 1932.-- this definitely needs more context. It doesn't need to be extensive, but there's no indication before this that Schirach was involved in anything more dangerous than a couple of duels, and now we have 21 dead. -- asilvering ( talk) 23:01, 12 March 2024 (UTC)
As leader of the Hitler Youth,- I think it would be much better to give a chronological biography that hits the main points and orients the reader, then having other sections in the biography that go into more detail on, for example, his leadership of the Hitler Youth and his involvement in propaganda. -- asilvering ( talk) 23:01, 12 March 2024 (UTC)
An incident at the Berghof on 24 June 1943: there are several different accounts of this conversation. It would be better to use summary style than to quote one of them. -- asilvering ( talk) 23:01, 12 March 2024 (UTC)
On 16 August 1943: unclear if this is his recollection or based on some other evidence. At any rate this is the kind of thing that is probably better contextualized in the section on his trial. -- asilvering ( talk) 23:01, 12 March 2024 (UTC)
Since I think this needs a fundamental reorganization to bring it to GA standard, I'm going to fail this review. I'll leave it open for a bit to give you a chance to ask any questions. -- asilvering ( talk) 23:01, 12 March 2024 (UTC)