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Reviewer: Sarastro1 ( talk) 21:31, 9 June 2010 (UTC) I will be reviewing this article over the next day or two. First thoughts are that it looks very good. I know very little about Ice Hockey, and most of what I have read so far makes sense to me.
Lead
Personal life
One other question before I finish for now. The statistics section does not seem to have any refs, and I noticed this is the case in most Ice Hockey articles. Most other sports tend to give references for the statistics, I just wondered if it is the position for Ice Hockey to not give a reference and where the stats actually come from.
-- Sarastro1 ( talk) 21:31, 9 June 2010 (UTC)
Playing Career
This paragraph is quite difficult to read and needs a good copy-edit. It seems to jump from one topic to another with little to join them together. There seems to be very little about his actual playing career. I know that there are stats at the end of the article, but it would be good to have some mention of them in the text, and some comment on how well he did as a player. There is not too much on his playing style except "kitty bar the door". More like this would be good. It might also be good to mention the significance of some of the things he did such as demanding more money.
The sentences are also a bit clunky. For example, "After the proposed new league failed to happen, Ross applied to be reinstated to the NHA. A meeting on December 18, 1914 between NHA team owners agreed to let Ross back in the league.[19] The league decided on this after considering that if Ross was suspended, then all the players he signed should be suspended as well, something that would hurt the league." In three sentences, the word "league" is used 4 times, "Ross" is used in each sentence, "decided on this after" does not read well. Something like this may be better: "Following the failure of the proposed new league, Ross applied for reinstatement to the NHA. A meeting on December 18, 1914 between the team owners allowed the player to return once it was realised that any suspension of Ross would also apply to any players he signed, which would hurt the league." However, there are a few parts which could be recast like this. I can give more specific instances if required.
More to follow. -- Sarastro1 ( talk) 19:44, 10 June 2010 (UTC)
More on Playing Career This section is reading much better now. I would still give it another quick copy-edit as well as the points I raise here.
Post playing career
The article is nearly there, and I think will be really good when it is finished. As I say, another copy-edit would probably help. I will read over it again in the next day or so, and also check other issues such as links, refs, images, etc. Sorry if I'm being too pedantic and fussy! -- Sarastro1 ( talk) 22:26, 11 June 2010 (UTC)
I will put the article on hold for seven days to allow the remaining issues to be sorted out. Once these have been done, I'll be happy to pass it. -- Sarastro1 ( talk) 21:39, 12 June 2010 (UTC)
Happy to pass it as it stands. If you want to take it to FA, I think the remaining issues over prose need addressing. I also notice that the images do not all have alt-text, which is a requirement for FA but not for GA. I've made a few tweaks to the article but feel free to revert any where I've altered the meaning too much or misunderstood ice hockey. -- Sarastro1 ( talk) 20:17, 15 June 2010 (UTC)
Article (
|
visual edit |
history) ·
Article talk (
|
history) ·
Watch
Reviewer: Sarastro1 ( talk) 21:31, 9 June 2010 (UTC) I will be reviewing this article over the next day or two. First thoughts are that it looks very good. I know very little about Ice Hockey, and most of what I have read so far makes sense to me.
Lead
Personal life
One other question before I finish for now. The statistics section does not seem to have any refs, and I noticed this is the case in most Ice Hockey articles. Most other sports tend to give references for the statistics, I just wondered if it is the position for Ice Hockey to not give a reference and where the stats actually come from.
-- Sarastro1 ( talk) 21:31, 9 June 2010 (UTC)
Playing Career
This paragraph is quite difficult to read and needs a good copy-edit. It seems to jump from one topic to another with little to join them together. There seems to be very little about his actual playing career. I know that there are stats at the end of the article, but it would be good to have some mention of them in the text, and some comment on how well he did as a player. There is not too much on his playing style except "kitty bar the door". More like this would be good. It might also be good to mention the significance of some of the things he did such as demanding more money.
The sentences are also a bit clunky. For example, "After the proposed new league failed to happen, Ross applied to be reinstated to the NHA. A meeting on December 18, 1914 between NHA team owners agreed to let Ross back in the league.[19] The league decided on this after considering that if Ross was suspended, then all the players he signed should be suspended as well, something that would hurt the league." In three sentences, the word "league" is used 4 times, "Ross" is used in each sentence, "decided on this after" does not read well. Something like this may be better: "Following the failure of the proposed new league, Ross applied for reinstatement to the NHA. A meeting on December 18, 1914 between the team owners allowed the player to return once it was realised that any suspension of Ross would also apply to any players he signed, which would hurt the league." However, there are a few parts which could be recast like this. I can give more specific instances if required.
More to follow. -- Sarastro1 ( talk) 19:44, 10 June 2010 (UTC)
More on Playing Career This section is reading much better now. I would still give it another quick copy-edit as well as the points I raise here.
Post playing career
The article is nearly there, and I think will be really good when it is finished. As I say, another copy-edit would probably help. I will read over it again in the next day or so, and also check other issues such as links, refs, images, etc. Sorry if I'm being too pedantic and fussy! -- Sarastro1 ( talk) 22:26, 11 June 2010 (UTC)
I will put the article on hold for seven days to allow the remaining issues to be sorted out. Once these have been done, I'll be happy to pass it. -- Sarastro1 ( talk) 21:39, 12 June 2010 (UTC)
Happy to pass it as it stands. If you want to take it to FA, I think the remaining issues over prose need addressing. I also notice that the images do not all have alt-text, which is a requirement for FA but not for GA. I've made a few tweaks to the article but feel free to revert any where I've altered the meaning too much or misunderstood ice hockey. -- Sarastro1 ( talk) 20:17, 15 June 2010 (UTC)