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Right - I will copyedit as I go and drop queries below:
Casliber (
talk·contribs) 21:33, 11 March 2013 (UTC)reply
In the match against Harrow at Lord's, MacLaren once more succeeded when others struggled, and he scored 76 on a wet, difficult pitch - against...who?
Oops, that's just embarrassing. Fixed.
Sarastro1 (
talk) 20:53, 12 March 2013 (UTC)reply
His runs helped Lancashire to win the County Championship - to me it sounds more natural without the "to" --> " His runs helped Lancashire win the County Championship"
To me that sounds a little US-Englishy, and "to" sounds more natural.
Sarastro1 (
talk) 20:53, 12 March 2013 (UTC)reply
The incident was calmed by the ground authorities,.. - you calm people not an incident...can you think of a reword..? yes, good.
Switched to defused. Better?
Sarastro1 (
talk) 20:53, 12 March 2013 (UTC)reply
although Lancashire were eager for him to play, he had little impact, although he played for the Gentlemen against the Players at the Oval and shared a partnership of 141 with C. B. Fry. - two "although"s in the one sentence - also sentence could do with a rejigging
Reworked this a little, as it was pretty horrendous.
Sarastro1 (
talk) 20:53, 12 March 2013 (UTC)reply
which starred C. Aubrey Smith, a former cricketer and friends of his - "friends" is plural. Is a person missing or should this be singular...
Overall looking like qualifying for GA status - the info is all there. The prose is ok, but there are some short sentences which could be tweaked and lengthened I think. I didn't see any ohther gross deal-breakers but sense that some massaging of prose would be helpful..I'll take another look later.
Casliber (
talk·contribs) 13:36, 12 March 2013 (UTC)reply
Thanks for the review. I suspect this may be a little rough and ready at the moment, so please point anything which you consider borderline: I know this needs work. The eventual aim is FAC, but it needs a lot doing first. I haven't done a full copy-edit and polish as it is overlong at the moment, and there are a few more sources which need inclusion. So feel free to pick gaping holes in it: it's all helpful.
Sarastro1 (
talk) 20:53, 12 March 2013 (UTC)reply
It's tricky when you can take a step back and look at the prose and see it needs massaging, yet close up find it hard to find glaring clangers. Anyway, what I think is a good game plan is that I will read it again, see what I can pick up and check against GA criteria - then I'd recommend a quick peer review mainly focussing on prose, as having a few sets of eyes run over it will help alot I think. Then it should be on target for FAC.
Casliber (
talk·contribs) 01:17, 13 March 2013 (UTC)reply
That's fine. I'll be making a few more changes and general massages before taking it further whatever happens. Thanks.
Sarastro1 (
talk) 18:12, 13 March 2013 (UTC)reply
In the lead - In all three series, MacLaren was involved in incidents and controversies which contributed to the defeats, and he was replaced as captain in 1905, although he remained in the team comes straight after a sentence mentioning "three series" - any wording which distances repeated words from the previous sentence is good. I thought of, " MacLaren was involved in incidents and controversies which contributed to the all three series defeats, and he was replaced as captain in 1905, although he remained in the team"
Images are provided where possible and appropriate, with
suitable captions:
Overall:
Pass or Fail: - I've looked over bits and pieces, but I think the most value will be a new set of eyes at this point. Nice read.
Casliber (
talk·contribs) 12:21, 14 March 2013 (UTC)reply
Thanks for the review and kind words.
Sarastro1 (
talk) 19:02, 14 March 2013 (UTC)reply
This article is within the scope of WikiProject England, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of
England on Wikipedia. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join
the discussion and see a list of open tasks.EnglandWikipedia:WikiProject EnglandTemplate:WikiProject EnglandEngland-related articles
This article is within the scope of WikiProject Biography, a collaborative effort to create, develop and organize Wikipedia's articles about people. All interested editors are invited to
join the project and
contribute to the discussion. For instructions on how to use this banner, please refer to the
documentation.BiographyWikipedia:WikiProject BiographyTemplate:WikiProject Biographybiography articles
This article is part of WikiProject Cricket which aims to expand and organise information better in articles related to the sport of
cricket. Please participate by visiting the
project and
talk pages for more details.CricketWikipedia:WikiProject CricketTemplate:WikiProject Cricketcricket articles
There is a toolserver based
WikiProject Cricket cleanup list that automatically updates weekly to show all articles covered by this project which are marked with cleanup tags. (also available in
one big list and in
CSV format)
Right - I will copyedit as I go and drop queries below:
Casliber (
talk·contribs) 21:33, 11 March 2013 (UTC)reply
In the match against Harrow at Lord's, MacLaren once more succeeded when others struggled, and he scored 76 on a wet, difficult pitch - against...who?
Oops, that's just embarrassing. Fixed.
Sarastro1 (
talk) 20:53, 12 March 2013 (UTC)reply
His runs helped Lancashire to win the County Championship - to me it sounds more natural without the "to" --> " His runs helped Lancashire win the County Championship"
To me that sounds a little US-Englishy, and "to" sounds more natural.
Sarastro1 (
talk) 20:53, 12 March 2013 (UTC)reply
The incident was calmed by the ground authorities,.. - you calm people not an incident...can you think of a reword..? yes, good.
Switched to defused. Better?
Sarastro1 (
talk) 20:53, 12 March 2013 (UTC)reply
although Lancashire were eager for him to play, he had little impact, although he played for the Gentlemen against the Players at the Oval and shared a partnership of 141 with C. B. Fry. - two "although"s in the one sentence - also sentence could do with a rejigging
Reworked this a little, as it was pretty horrendous.
Sarastro1 (
talk) 20:53, 12 March 2013 (UTC)reply
which starred C. Aubrey Smith, a former cricketer and friends of his - "friends" is plural. Is a person missing or should this be singular...
Overall looking like qualifying for GA status - the info is all there. The prose is ok, but there are some short sentences which could be tweaked and lengthened I think. I didn't see any ohther gross deal-breakers but sense that some massaging of prose would be helpful..I'll take another look later.
Casliber (
talk·contribs) 13:36, 12 March 2013 (UTC)reply
Thanks for the review. I suspect this may be a little rough and ready at the moment, so please point anything which you consider borderline: I know this needs work. The eventual aim is FAC, but it needs a lot doing first. I haven't done a full copy-edit and polish as it is overlong at the moment, and there are a few more sources which need inclusion. So feel free to pick gaping holes in it: it's all helpful.
Sarastro1 (
talk) 20:53, 12 March 2013 (UTC)reply
It's tricky when you can take a step back and look at the prose and see it needs massaging, yet close up find it hard to find glaring clangers. Anyway, what I think is a good game plan is that I will read it again, see what I can pick up and check against GA criteria - then I'd recommend a quick peer review mainly focussing on prose, as having a few sets of eyes run over it will help alot I think. Then it should be on target for FAC.
Casliber (
talk·contribs) 01:17, 13 March 2013 (UTC)reply
That's fine. I'll be making a few more changes and general massages before taking it further whatever happens. Thanks.
Sarastro1 (
talk) 18:12, 13 March 2013 (UTC)reply
In the lead - In all three series, MacLaren was involved in incidents and controversies which contributed to the defeats, and he was replaced as captain in 1905, although he remained in the team comes straight after a sentence mentioning "three series" - any wording which distances repeated words from the previous sentence is good. I thought of, " MacLaren was involved in incidents and controversies which contributed to the all three series defeats, and he was replaced as captain in 1905, although he remained in the team"
Images are provided where possible and appropriate, with
suitable captions:
Overall:
Pass or Fail: - I've looked over bits and pieces, but I think the most value will be a new set of eyes at this point. Nice read.
Casliber (
talk·contribs) 12:21, 14 March 2013 (UTC)reply
Thanks for the review and kind words.
Sarastro1 (
talk) 19:02, 14 March 2013 (UTC)reply