Three of the paragraphs start with the word "McDonald" - variety would improve the article.
wl Scottish Highlanders
wl Native American here instead of in the Early colonial military career section
wl Charles Mynn Thruston
I've switched the wording around to avoid repeating McDonald at the beginning of each paragraph in the lead. I've also wiki-linked the above terms. Please let me know if you see any other opportunities for improvement here! --
Caponer (
talk)
02:39, 8 April 2014 (UTC)reply
Early colonial military career
George Washington - overlink
"While in Winchester, McDonald served as a member of the Committee of Safety there." - Is "there" necessary?
"Autumn of 1758" and "Spring of 1774": per
MOS:SEASON, switch to lc.
I've removed the additional links to George Washington, and removed "there." I switched autumn to lower case, and I've changed the second season to "early 1774." --
Caponer (
talk)
02:39, 8 April 2014 (UTC)reply
McDonald's Expedition and Dunmore's War
lieutenant colonel - overlink
nightfall - don't think it needs to be wl
"burning of Shawnee cabins and villages and the destruction of their plantations and maize fields" - reword the sentence if possible to avoid and/and/and
Removed overlink from lieutenant colonel and de-linked nightfall. I split the Shawnee sentence into two to avoid the extra use of and. --
Caponer (
talk)
02:44, 8 April 2014 (UTC)reply
@
Caponer: Well-written. I won't put it on hold as there are only a few comments. As I'm busy with different things, please ping me when you're ready for me to look at the article again. --
Rosiestep (
talk)
02:19, 8 April 2014 (UTC)reply
@
Rosiestep:, thank you tremendously for taking the time to review this article, and leaving your suggestions to improve it. I've addressed all the above comments, so please let me know if you have any further guidance. Thanks again! --
Caponer (
talk)
02:49, 8 April 2014 (UTC)reply
Three of the paragraphs start with the word "McDonald" - variety would improve the article.
wl Scottish Highlanders
wl Native American here instead of in the Early colonial military career section
wl Charles Mynn Thruston
I've switched the wording around to avoid repeating McDonald at the beginning of each paragraph in the lead. I've also wiki-linked the above terms. Please let me know if you see any other opportunities for improvement here! --
Caponer (
talk)
02:39, 8 April 2014 (UTC)reply
Early colonial military career
George Washington - overlink
"While in Winchester, McDonald served as a member of the Committee of Safety there." - Is "there" necessary?
"Autumn of 1758" and "Spring of 1774": per
MOS:SEASON, switch to lc.
I've removed the additional links to George Washington, and removed "there." I switched autumn to lower case, and I've changed the second season to "early 1774." --
Caponer (
talk)
02:39, 8 April 2014 (UTC)reply
McDonald's Expedition and Dunmore's War
lieutenant colonel - overlink
nightfall - don't think it needs to be wl
"burning of Shawnee cabins and villages and the destruction of their plantations and maize fields" - reword the sentence if possible to avoid and/and/and
Removed overlink from lieutenant colonel and de-linked nightfall. I split the Shawnee sentence into two to avoid the extra use of and. --
Caponer (
talk)
02:44, 8 April 2014 (UTC)reply
@
Caponer: Well-written. I won't put it on hold as there are only a few comments. As I'm busy with different things, please ping me when you're ready for me to look at the article again. --
Rosiestep (
talk)
02:19, 8 April 2014 (UTC)reply
@
Rosiestep:, thank you tremendously for taking the time to review this article, and leaving your suggestions to improve it. I've addressed all the above comments, so please let me know if you have any further guidance. Thanks again! --
Caponer (
talk)
02:49, 8 April 2014 (UTC)reply