The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
Instead of saying Angelina, her last name should be used, just like a normal biography article.
Before a full quote begins, seperate it and the sentence with a colon, not a comma. For example, "According to CBS Soaps In Depth DeGarmo said: "I'm definitely spicing things up! Angelina is getting into a bit of shenanigans and trouble along the way, just to make sure people are on their toes." and not "According to CBS Soaps In Depth DeGarmo said "I'm definitely spicing things up! Angelina is getting into a bit of shenanigans and trouble along the way, just to make sure people are on their toes."
Make sure that everything is in proper tense, for example "Hearing of this, Angelo assumed that..." and not {{!xt|"Hearing of this, Angelo assumes that..."
Dates are not always in the same format. For example, 2011-10-31 and 16-11-2012. Choose one or the other and stick to it.
Publishers should not be in brackets. For example, ref1 should be Hollywood Reporter. Prometheus Global Media. and not Hollywood Reporter. (Prometheus Global Media).
ref7: Ryan Seacrest → Ryanseacreast.com
ref15: Yahoo!. (Yahoo). → Yahoo! News. Yahoo! Inc.
"during the episode that aired on October 31, 2011." → "during the episode dated October 31, 2011."
"Angelina was previewed" What exactly does previewed mean?
"DeGarmo described her as a "jersey girl" who was over-the-top" → "DeGarmo described the character as an over-the-top "jersey girl"..."
..."and she was noted for her flamboyant costumes and voice. By who?
"DeGeramo didn't have to audition for the role." Unnecessary
"...at the time..." Unnecessary
"Maria Arena Bell offered the part to her after seeing her performance in the musical production of Hairspray." → "Maria Arena Bell offered DeGarmo the role of Veneziano after seeing her performance in the musical production of Hairspray." What performance did she see her in?
"Angelina arrived in Genoa City, Wisconsin to be with her father Angelo Veneziano." Why does she want to be with her father? Where was she living before? I'm not familiar with the character, so I don't know if it's mentioned in the show or not, but this seems very vague.
"She had a new-found dream of becoming a successful music artist, and worked with music producer Devon Hamilton to achieve this." Very oddly worded.
"However, it was quickly figured out that she lacked in talent..." → By whom? And "quickly figured out" is very oddly worded and incorrect.
"...despite DeGarmo's real-life voice." How is it despite? Unnecessary
Combine "She also developed a crush on Kevin Fisher. and Aided by her father, she takes her crush to extreme heights and cons Kevin into a marriage which was short-lived. into one sentence.
"She leaves town on March 27, 2012 after a five-month stint." → "After a five-month stint on the series, on March 27, 2012, Veneziano leaves Genoa City." To go where?
Done most of this. There is just one thing; I've never really seen the last name being used for fictional/soap characters. Like for this featured article for
Poppy Meadow or the only US soap GA
Todd Manning. Where I got lots of pointers from. Arre00:07, 18 November 2012 (UTC)reply
Maybe I'm wrong. I'll check to see if there's any guidelines on how to write such an article. I'll continue the review shortly.
Statυs (
talk)
00:19, 18 November 2012 (UTC)reply
I haven't found anything, but looking around, you're right. For fictional characters, their first names are used throughout the article.
Statυs (
talk)
00:38, 18 November 2012 (UTC)reply
Sure okay. Thankyou for doing this. Yes, it's the same for soap characters. It's not just a fictional biography (storyline), it's how the character was created. Arre00:40, 18 November 2012 (UTC)reply
Should specify she is joining the cast of The Young and the Restless.
"She was sixteen years old at the time." Unnecessary
"Additionally, while previewing the character she noted that..." What does previewing the character mean?
Done; Fixed. Previewing means she was describing elements of the character before she debuted on the series. It's a different word to use other than "Described" or "noted" all the time. Arre00:56, 18 November 2012 (UTC)reply
I looked a lot and was having a hard time finding content for that section. There was stuff, but it is suited to "Characterization" because it is about the character, not how people viewed her. Arre01:40, 18 November 2012 (UTC)reply
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
Instead of saying Angelina, her last name should be used, just like a normal biography article.
Before a full quote begins, seperate it and the sentence with a colon, not a comma. For example, "According to CBS Soaps In Depth DeGarmo said: "I'm definitely spicing things up! Angelina is getting into a bit of shenanigans and trouble along the way, just to make sure people are on their toes." and not "According to CBS Soaps In Depth DeGarmo said "I'm definitely spicing things up! Angelina is getting into a bit of shenanigans and trouble along the way, just to make sure people are on their toes."
Make sure that everything is in proper tense, for example "Hearing of this, Angelo assumed that..." and not {{!xt|"Hearing of this, Angelo assumes that..."
Dates are not always in the same format. For example, 2011-10-31 and 16-11-2012. Choose one or the other and stick to it.
Publishers should not be in brackets. For example, ref1 should be Hollywood Reporter. Prometheus Global Media. and not Hollywood Reporter. (Prometheus Global Media).
ref7: Ryan Seacrest → Ryanseacreast.com
ref15: Yahoo!. (Yahoo). → Yahoo! News. Yahoo! Inc.
"during the episode that aired on October 31, 2011." → "during the episode dated October 31, 2011."
"Angelina was previewed" What exactly does previewed mean?
"DeGarmo described her as a "jersey girl" who was over-the-top" → "DeGarmo described the character as an over-the-top "jersey girl"..."
..."and she was noted for her flamboyant costumes and voice. By who?
"DeGeramo didn't have to audition for the role." Unnecessary
"...at the time..." Unnecessary
"Maria Arena Bell offered the part to her after seeing her performance in the musical production of Hairspray." → "Maria Arena Bell offered DeGarmo the role of Veneziano after seeing her performance in the musical production of Hairspray." What performance did she see her in?
"Angelina arrived in Genoa City, Wisconsin to be with her father Angelo Veneziano." Why does she want to be with her father? Where was she living before? I'm not familiar with the character, so I don't know if it's mentioned in the show or not, but this seems very vague.
"She had a new-found dream of becoming a successful music artist, and worked with music producer Devon Hamilton to achieve this." Very oddly worded.
"However, it was quickly figured out that she lacked in talent..." → By whom? And "quickly figured out" is very oddly worded and incorrect.
"...despite DeGarmo's real-life voice." How is it despite? Unnecessary
Combine "She also developed a crush on Kevin Fisher. and Aided by her father, she takes her crush to extreme heights and cons Kevin into a marriage which was short-lived. into one sentence.
"She leaves town on March 27, 2012 after a five-month stint." → "After a five-month stint on the series, on March 27, 2012, Veneziano leaves Genoa City." To go where?
Done most of this. There is just one thing; I've never really seen the last name being used for fictional/soap characters. Like for this featured article for
Poppy Meadow or the only US soap GA
Todd Manning. Where I got lots of pointers from. Arre00:07, 18 November 2012 (UTC)reply
Maybe I'm wrong. I'll check to see if there's any guidelines on how to write such an article. I'll continue the review shortly.
Statυs (
talk)
00:19, 18 November 2012 (UTC)reply
I haven't found anything, but looking around, you're right. For fictional characters, their first names are used throughout the article.
Statυs (
talk)
00:38, 18 November 2012 (UTC)reply
Sure okay. Thankyou for doing this. Yes, it's the same for soap characters. It's not just a fictional biography (storyline), it's how the character was created. Arre00:40, 18 November 2012 (UTC)reply
Should specify she is joining the cast of The Young and the Restless.
"She was sixteen years old at the time." Unnecessary
"Additionally, while previewing the character she noted that..." What does previewing the character mean?
Done; Fixed. Previewing means she was describing elements of the character before she debuted on the series. It's a different word to use other than "Described" or "noted" all the time. Arre00:56, 18 November 2012 (UTC)reply
I looked a lot and was having a hard time finding content for that section. There was stuff, but it is suited to "Characterization" because it is about the character, not how people viewed her. Arre01:40, 18 November 2012 (UTC)reply
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.