The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
I'd say "recording artist" to describe West in this instance (not "hip hop artist") as he's much more than hip hop (especially on this album) Done
"The song includes a feature from American rapper Young Jeezy and West produced it along with co-producer Jeff Bhasker." → "The song includes vocals from American rapper Young Jeezy and was produced by West along with co-producer Jeff Bhasker." Done
"It features" → "It also features" Done
Change "basses" to "bass"; sounds really weird as "basses" Done
"The song was nominated at the 52nd" → "It was also nominated at the 52nd"; also, put the category before the ceremony Done
"As well as this" – it'd make more sense to say "on top of this" but not sure if that's encyclopedic Done
Don't need to spell out 42 and 81 Done
"in the NBA" → "by the NBA" Done
Background and conception
I don't think any of the awards info belongs in "Background and conception". Perhaps move all that stuff into its own subheading under "release and reception"?
"for the award of Best" → "for Best" Done
This is awkward, as the information about the awards for "Amazing" belongs in the latter section, yet that about "Put On" belongs in the former? I mean would it read fine to have the first Grammy award mentioned in Background and conception and then the second mentioned as their other one to be nominated in Release and reception?
The info about "Put On" makes sense but it doesn't make sense to have award information in "background"; background should introduce the song, not say what it won Done
(Actually didn't know who that grunting was from; nice!)
Haha dope!
So Jeezy's voice doesn't use auto-tune as well?
No, listen again if you're not too sure.
Interesting
Release and reception
Say "Five months later" before "Amazing" Done
It saddens me that this song received mixed reviews. It's actually one of my favs on 808s (I personally love the first six tracks solely but "Street Lights" has started to grow on me; the others just haven't clicked with me); I also think Jeezy is good in this song. Sure it's a little repetitive but still I like it; such a shame
Otherwise, reviews look good
Music video
I've started to notice throughout these reviews that you tend to use "and" to combine sections of sentences that really should be separated. Almost every sentence here does that
The 'and' between the production value and helicopter part doesn't work with me. They should be separate sentences (preferably only if you can find the actual budget) or just use a semi-colon Done
Say when Rap-up reported it and say 'with' not 'and' and adjust the sentence to fit that Done
On 106 & Park sentence, use semi-colon not 'and' Done
"a cameo in it and a girl appears in the music video wearing" → "a cameo in it, along with a girl wearing..."; is this girl identified or unknown?
Unknown
Don't have to spell 91 out Done
Commercial performance
Not sure if the audio sample belongs here...
Move to composition?
Try that. I think the main problem is that it looks weird on the left (switch to right) Done
Again, don't have to spell out big numbers Done
"after being released to radio stations in the US" → "after being released as a single" Done
[[[G.O.O.D. Music]] should actually be
GOOD Music Done
In the media
Work better titled "Usage in media" Done
B is capital is LeBron's name Done
Not sure how "respectively" is used in this instance, since you're talking about the same song for both games
Erased
Link
entrance music (just found out there's an actual page for it) Done
"which is an appropriate walkout song for Mir due to his cockiness." remove this; not that appropriate since it's someone's opinion Done
Don't think the fact that North West likes the song should be in "usage in media"
BeatlesLedTV Could the section be renamed 'In the media' so her opinion can be kept here since West's daughter is not a "music critic" so it would look awkward in that section? --
Kyle Peake (
talk)
16:43, 20 April 2019 (UTC)reply
Reception doesn't only have to be music critics. Media in this instance should be TV, films, video games, things like that. I wouldn't really qualify North, his daughter (who was 4 at the time), as "media".
Added more context so it's in "media" due to being an interview, look better now?
BeatlesLedTV
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
I'd say "recording artist" to describe West in this instance (not "hip hop artist") as he's much more than hip hop (especially on this album) Done
"The song includes a feature from American rapper Young Jeezy and West produced it along with co-producer Jeff Bhasker." → "The song includes vocals from American rapper Young Jeezy and was produced by West along with co-producer Jeff Bhasker." Done
"It features" → "It also features" Done
Change "basses" to "bass"; sounds really weird as "basses" Done
"The song was nominated at the 52nd" → "It was also nominated at the 52nd"; also, put the category before the ceremony Done
"As well as this" – it'd make more sense to say "on top of this" but not sure if that's encyclopedic Done
Don't need to spell out 42 and 81 Done
"in the NBA" → "by the NBA" Done
Background and conception
I don't think any of the awards info belongs in "Background and conception". Perhaps move all that stuff into its own subheading under "release and reception"?
"for the award of Best" → "for Best" Done
This is awkward, as the information about the awards for "Amazing" belongs in the latter section, yet that about "Put On" belongs in the former? I mean would it read fine to have the first Grammy award mentioned in Background and conception and then the second mentioned as their other one to be nominated in Release and reception?
The info about "Put On" makes sense but it doesn't make sense to have award information in "background"; background should introduce the song, not say what it won Done
(Actually didn't know who that grunting was from; nice!)
Haha dope!
So Jeezy's voice doesn't use auto-tune as well?
No, listen again if you're not too sure.
Interesting
Release and reception
Say "Five months later" before "Amazing" Done
It saddens me that this song received mixed reviews. It's actually one of my favs on 808s (I personally love the first six tracks solely but "Street Lights" has started to grow on me; the others just haven't clicked with me); I also think Jeezy is good in this song. Sure it's a little repetitive but still I like it; such a shame
Otherwise, reviews look good
Music video
I've started to notice throughout these reviews that you tend to use "and" to combine sections of sentences that really should be separated. Almost every sentence here does that
The 'and' between the production value and helicopter part doesn't work with me. They should be separate sentences (preferably only if you can find the actual budget) or just use a semi-colon Done
Say when Rap-up reported it and say 'with' not 'and' and adjust the sentence to fit that Done
On 106 & Park sentence, use semi-colon not 'and' Done
"a cameo in it and a girl appears in the music video wearing" → "a cameo in it, along with a girl wearing..."; is this girl identified or unknown?
Unknown
Don't have to spell 91 out Done
Commercial performance
Not sure if the audio sample belongs here...
Move to composition?
Try that. I think the main problem is that it looks weird on the left (switch to right) Done
Again, don't have to spell out big numbers Done
"after being released to radio stations in the US" → "after being released as a single" Done
[[[G.O.O.D. Music]] should actually be
GOOD Music Done
In the media
Work better titled "Usage in media" Done
B is capital is LeBron's name Done
Not sure how "respectively" is used in this instance, since you're talking about the same song for both games
Erased
Link
entrance music (just found out there's an actual page for it) Done
"which is an appropriate walkout song for Mir due to his cockiness." remove this; not that appropriate since it's someone's opinion Done
Don't think the fact that North West likes the song should be in "usage in media"
BeatlesLedTV Could the section be renamed 'In the media' so her opinion can be kept here since West's daughter is not a "music critic" so it would look awkward in that section? --
Kyle Peake (
talk)
16:43, 20 April 2019 (UTC)reply
Reception doesn't only have to be music critics. Media in this instance should be TV, films, video games, things like that. I wouldn't really qualify North, his daughter (who was 4 at the time), as "media".
Added more context so it's in "media" due to being an interview, look better now?
BeatlesLedTV
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.