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Reviewer: Zanimum ( talk · contribs) 17:11, 20 October 2014 (UTC)
A foreward: I don't take joy in criticizing an article like this. Sentence structure, referencing, all those things are pretty solid here. I was near to rubber stamping this article as a GA with just a few tweaks here and there.
But suddenly I stepped back, and realized how many holes in coverage there were. The article looked like a solid metal bowl, but it was actually a collander.
Please, please, take this review as a rallying cry to push on and find the amazing article waiting to burst out. This manga/anime sounds was loved and emulated to the point of cliché. It's a cultural touchstone in the genre. You truly do have the potential to bring something amazing to Wikipedia's table, but you've only built the factual pedestal for your sculpture, the art isn't there on top.
Most of this article is about release dates. Most of this article could be told in a spreadsheet. You desperately need to research more, well, whatever, and add more true prose, not just sentences connecting numbers and corporate names.
Take away release dates and companies, and the Media section, which is the majority of the article, just floats away as dust.
You tell us when the projects were first aired/were released. You tell us when they were released on DVD/as a tankobon. You tell us when they were re-released on DVD/as a light novel, and how many discs they were burned onto/volumes they were printed into. You tell us when they were released onto Blu-ray/released in Italian comics.
Clearly Ace! was a success. We know that 15 million copies were sold of the manga. We know that the series inspired a young Shuzo Matsuoka to pick up a racket. But those are the only definable measure of success from the century in which the works were created.
While I suppose that it's possible, I find it hard to believe that no media outlet reviewed the project before this century. Even if the mainstream media was too staid to cover popular culture, did Japan's youth culture of the era not create fanzines?
The reception section says that Aim was "inspiration of another sports anime"... which one? Was this other anime also based on a manga? The series "set many of the conventions of shojo-ai", to the point where "it became a cliché." Which conventions of shojo-ai can be attributed to Ace? All of them? Just a few?
What inspired Sumika Yamamoto to create the manga originally? Did Sumika love tennis? Was it just an exotic setting to place the characters in? Or perhaps Margaret provided the plot outline, and Sumika just worked within tight guidelines?
Tokyo Movie: were they a struggling startup boosted by the chance to adapt a popular serial, or was it just another project for an established studio?
Was the first anime series based on the first 1973-1975 run of Aim in Margaret, or did they also adapt the 1978 to 1980 plotline at the same time? Or was the second run adapted into the second anime?
Did Japan have a television ratings system? In other words, was Shin Ace o Nerae! a result of big ratings?
Sit down, and imagine the year is 1999. There is no Wikipedia, but you've got a geocities.jp site. What are you going to write, that day, in 1999? Whatever you come up with, it's pretty much everything you're missing here.
Here is my actual prose critic for part of the article. It is not complete, I can review further if the nominator is still wanting to pursue this GAN.
Drama
Video games
CDs
Reception and legacy
Checklinks
To GA Cup judges, I hope you don't interpret any of this as unnecessarily long text. I set out to do my usual sentence-by-sentence review, and halfway through I decided to abandon format, and write the larger commentary. I'm not looking for extra points, I'm looking to provide meaningful steering for the article. -- Zanimum ( talk) 17:11, 20 October 2014 (UTC)
@ Zanimum:? Gabriel Yuji ( talk) 18:13, 8 November 2014 (UTC)
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Reviewing |
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Reviewer: Zanimum ( talk · contribs) 17:11, 20 October 2014 (UTC)
A foreward: I don't take joy in criticizing an article like this. Sentence structure, referencing, all those things are pretty solid here. I was near to rubber stamping this article as a GA with just a few tweaks here and there.
But suddenly I stepped back, and realized how many holes in coverage there were. The article looked like a solid metal bowl, but it was actually a collander.
Please, please, take this review as a rallying cry to push on and find the amazing article waiting to burst out. This manga/anime sounds was loved and emulated to the point of cliché. It's a cultural touchstone in the genre. You truly do have the potential to bring something amazing to Wikipedia's table, but you've only built the factual pedestal for your sculpture, the art isn't there on top.
Most of this article is about release dates. Most of this article could be told in a spreadsheet. You desperately need to research more, well, whatever, and add more true prose, not just sentences connecting numbers and corporate names.
Take away release dates and companies, and the Media section, which is the majority of the article, just floats away as dust.
You tell us when the projects were first aired/were released. You tell us when they were released on DVD/as a tankobon. You tell us when they were re-released on DVD/as a light novel, and how many discs they were burned onto/volumes they were printed into. You tell us when they were released onto Blu-ray/released in Italian comics.
Clearly Ace! was a success. We know that 15 million copies were sold of the manga. We know that the series inspired a young Shuzo Matsuoka to pick up a racket. But those are the only definable measure of success from the century in which the works were created.
While I suppose that it's possible, I find it hard to believe that no media outlet reviewed the project before this century. Even if the mainstream media was too staid to cover popular culture, did Japan's youth culture of the era not create fanzines?
The reception section says that Aim was "inspiration of another sports anime"... which one? Was this other anime also based on a manga? The series "set many of the conventions of shojo-ai", to the point where "it became a cliché." Which conventions of shojo-ai can be attributed to Ace? All of them? Just a few?
What inspired Sumika Yamamoto to create the manga originally? Did Sumika love tennis? Was it just an exotic setting to place the characters in? Or perhaps Margaret provided the plot outline, and Sumika just worked within tight guidelines?
Tokyo Movie: were they a struggling startup boosted by the chance to adapt a popular serial, or was it just another project for an established studio?
Was the first anime series based on the first 1973-1975 run of Aim in Margaret, or did they also adapt the 1978 to 1980 plotline at the same time? Or was the second run adapted into the second anime?
Did Japan have a television ratings system? In other words, was Shin Ace o Nerae! a result of big ratings?
Sit down, and imagine the year is 1999. There is no Wikipedia, but you've got a geocities.jp site. What are you going to write, that day, in 1999? Whatever you come up with, it's pretty much everything you're missing here.
Here is my actual prose critic for part of the article. It is not complete, I can review further if the nominator is still wanting to pursue this GAN.
Drama
Video games
CDs
Reception and legacy
Checklinks
To GA Cup judges, I hope you don't interpret any of this as unnecessarily long text. I set out to do my usual sentence-by-sentence review, and halfway through I decided to abandon format, and write the larger commentary. I'm not looking for extra points, I'm looking to provide meaningful steering for the article. -- Zanimum ( talk) 17:11, 20 October 2014 (UTC)
@ Zanimum:? Gabriel Yuji ( talk) 18:13, 8 November 2014 (UTC)