Looks good generally, just a few little prose issues and a few jargon issues for non-hockey people (although I'm slowly getting there myself!). Some of this is a little clunky, and I've highlighted some instances of repetitive sentence openings below. Otherwise, no real problems.
"Oates played 19 seasons in the NHL for the Detroit Red Wings, St. Louis Blues, Boston Bruins, Washington Capitals, Philadelphia Flyers, Mighty Ducks of Anaheim and Edmonton Oilers.": Quite a long list for the lead. Maybe cut back to "several teams" and just emphasise the most notable ones?
"Known as an elite playmaker, his career total of 1,079 assists was the fifth highest total in NHL history at the time of his 2004 retirement. Oates turned to coaching following his retirement as a player…": Retirement…retirement
"He holds single-season school records…": When? (WP:DATED)
Several sentences beginning "He/Oates" in the lead; a little variety may help a little.
"In addition to hockey, he played box lacrosse as a youth and considered it his favoured sport.": A little clunky; maybe "He played hockey, but box lacrosse was his favourite sport as youth."
"Oates' total of 181 points in 19 games in 1981 is one of the highest totals in OLA junior history": Can we be more precise here?
"Senior A": Maybe link this, although it is fairly obvious what it means?
"He described himself as a "punk" in his youth.": As written, this suggests that when he was a youth, he called himself a "punk". Is this the intention?
Not quite. Changed. Hopefully better?
"The Waxers retired his jersey number 10 in 1999." Presumably, this was after he had been successful, but it seems a little out of place in this section.
College: I'm a little confused on the chronology at the start of this section and the end of the last. I read this as: he returned to school, was recruited by RPI, played for the Markham Waxers, then signed for RPI. So, it's a little confusing.
"He also holds the RPI career record of 150 assists.": Again, date needed here.
"85–19–1 record": Can we link this?
There isn't really an article I can link to that wont be an easter egg. I created a mouse over note explaining the record.
Resolute23:56, 27 August 2012 (UTC)reply
College section: Slight over-use of "named" in this section.
"Several NHL teams expressed interest in Oates following his junior season as at least five teams attempted to sign him.": I think we either just need "several" or "at least five teams", but not both.
"scored his first goal that night on goaltender Don Beaupre while adding an assist.": Not sure about "while" here: did he score the goal at the same time as providing an assist, or in the same game.
More repetitive sentences, beginning "Oates/He".
"their first-line centre": Not too sure what "first-line" means.
"In 1989–90, Oates topped the 100-point mark for the first time in his career with 102 points. He improved to 115 in 1990–91 NHL season,[6] setting up Hull's 72 and 86-goal seasons": I'm afraid this loses me slightly.
"prompting a sharply negative reaction from St. Louis fans"
"as the Flyers were upset in the first round": Not really encyclopaedic.
"one goal in regulation time and were shut out three times": Some links needed here, I think.
"He is also the only player in NHL history to centre three 50-goal scorers": Sorry, lost me here!
"...as part of its 2012 class" It's a temporal statement designed to placate a stubborn editor who really opposes any real mention of his hall of fame election until the induction itself. I will be removing the temporal part this November when the induction ceremony takes place.
Resolute23:56, 27 August 2012 (UTC)reply
"the team's power play finished ninth in the league...": Lost again, sorry!
"he was credited with playing a significant role...": Credited by?
Unfortunately, it is hard to get free images of players whose careers were primarily in the 80s and 90s. Now that he is a head coach, I might be able to get a picture of him when next his team visits Calgary, but that will be some months from now.
Resolute23:56, 27 August 2012 (UTC)reply
Spot-checks fine except:
"In 1983–84, he set school records in points with 83 and assists with 57. He was named to the East Coast Athletic Conference (ECAC) second all-star team and became the first RPI hockey player to earn a berth on the National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA) All-American team since 1965": Not all supported by ref 9.
It is ref 8 now after some movement, and it does, though the source's use of shorthand to denote ECAC all-star ("All-East") and NCAA All-Star ("All-American") appearances is likely creating your confusion. I pulled another source in that explicitly states those berths.
Resolute23:56, 27 August 2012 (UTC)reply
Looks good generally, just a few little prose issues and a few jargon issues for non-hockey people (although I'm slowly getting there myself!). Some of this is a little clunky, and I've highlighted some instances of repetitive sentence openings below. Otherwise, no real problems.
"Oates played 19 seasons in the NHL for the Detroit Red Wings, St. Louis Blues, Boston Bruins, Washington Capitals, Philadelphia Flyers, Mighty Ducks of Anaheim and Edmonton Oilers.": Quite a long list for the lead. Maybe cut back to "several teams" and just emphasise the most notable ones?
"Known as an elite playmaker, his career total of 1,079 assists was the fifth highest total in NHL history at the time of his 2004 retirement. Oates turned to coaching following his retirement as a player…": Retirement…retirement
"He holds single-season school records…": When? (WP:DATED)
Several sentences beginning "He/Oates" in the lead; a little variety may help a little.
"In addition to hockey, he played box lacrosse as a youth and considered it his favoured sport.": A little clunky; maybe "He played hockey, but box lacrosse was his favourite sport as youth."
"Oates' total of 181 points in 19 games in 1981 is one of the highest totals in OLA junior history": Can we be more precise here?
"Senior A": Maybe link this, although it is fairly obvious what it means?
"He described himself as a "punk" in his youth.": As written, this suggests that when he was a youth, he called himself a "punk". Is this the intention?
Not quite. Changed. Hopefully better?
"The Waxers retired his jersey number 10 in 1999." Presumably, this was after he had been successful, but it seems a little out of place in this section.
College: I'm a little confused on the chronology at the start of this section and the end of the last. I read this as: he returned to school, was recruited by RPI, played for the Markham Waxers, then signed for RPI. So, it's a little confusing.
"He also holds the RPI career record of 150 assists.": Again, date needed here.
"85–19–1 record": Can we link this?
There isn't really an article I can link to that wont be an easter egg. I created a mouse over note explaining the record.
Resolute23:56, 27 August 2012 (UTC)reply
College section: Slight over-use of "named" in this section.
"Several NHL teams expressed interest in Oates following his junior season as at least five teams attempted to sign him.": I think we either just need "several" or "at least five teams", but not both.
"scored his first goal that night on goaltender Don Beaupre while adding an assist.": Not sure about "while" here: did he score the goal at the same time as providing an assist, or in the same game.
More repetitive sentences, beginning "Oates/He".
"their first-line centre": Not too sure what "first-line" means.
"In 1989–90, Oates topped the 100-point mark for the first time in his career with 102 points. He improved to 115 in 1990–91 NHL season,[6] setting up Hull's 72 and 86-goal seasons": I'm afraid this loses me slightly.
"prompting a sharply negative reaction from St. Louis fans"
"as the Flyers were upset in the first round": Not really encyclopaedic.
"one goal in regulation time and were shut out three times": Some links needed here, I think.
"He is also the only player in NHL history to centre three 50-goal scorers": Sorry, lost me here!
"...as part of its 2012 class" It's a temporal statement designed to placate a stubborn editor who really opposes any real mention of his hall of fame election until the induction itself. I will be removing the temporal part this November when the induction ceremony takes place.
Resolute23:56, 27 August 2012 (UTC)reply
"the team's power play finished ninth in the league...": Lost again, sorry!
"he was credited with playing a significant role...": Credited by?
Unfortunately, it is hard to get free images of players whose careers were primarily in the 80s and 90s. Now that he is a head coach, I might be able to get a picture of him when next his team visits Calgary, but that will be some months from now.
Resolute23:56, 27 August 2012 (UTC)reply
Spot-checks fine except:
"In 1983–84, he set school records in points with 83 and assists with 57. He was named to the East Coast Athletic Conference (ECAC) second all-star team and became the first RPI hockey player to earn a berth on the National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA) All-American team since 1965": Not all supported by ref 9.
It is ref 8 now after some movement, and it does, though the source's use of shorthand to denote ECAC all-star ("All-East") and NCAA All-Star ("All-American") appearances is likely creating your confusion. I pulled another source in that explicitly states those berths.
Resolute23:56, 27 August 2012 (UTC)reply