"He was born in 932 or in 933" and "His father was killed" and "His captivity"... can we use his surname - MOS recommends using name on first mention in a paragraph, rather than a pronoun
Fixed.
Do we know the mother's name? If so, we should give her some agency, at least.
Unfortunately I haven't been able to find any source for this. Not uncommon for the period, especially in the Arabic world, where women are often known only by the name of their husbands or sons.
"who also married his sister" full sister or half-sister?
Not specified.
"which saw assembled at Aleppo some of the finest minds of the Muslim world" clunky - suggest "some of the finest minds of the Muslim world were at the court" or "at Aleppo"
Rephrased.
"while the grammarian Ibn Khalawayh was his tutor" Abu Firas or Sayf al-Dawla?
Clarified.
"Despite his youth, he distinguished" specify which "he" is meant here as the last "he" was Sayf al-Dawla
Clarified.
link for "fortress of Kharshana"?
Added.
"the son of Abu Firas's own sister, Sakhinah." we should name her when we first mention her ...
Fixed.
I did some copyediting, please make sure that I haven't altered meaning significantly or caused problems.
Looks good to me, thanks!
Overall a nice little article.
I randomly googled three phrases and only turned up Wikipedia mirrors.
Earwig's tool shows no sign of copyright violation.
I've put the article on hold for seven days to allow folks to address the issues I've brought up. Feel free to contact me on my talk page, or here with any concerns, and let me know one of those places when the issues have been addressed. If I may suggest that you strike out, check mark, or otherwise mark the items I've detailed, that will make it possible for me to see what's been addressed, and you can keep track of what's been done and what still needs to be worked on.
Ealdgyth (
talk)
15:49, 1 March 2022 (UTC)reply
"He was born in 932 or in 933" and "His father was killed" and "His captivity"... can we use his surname - MOS recommends using name on first mention in a paragraph, rather than a pronoun
Fixed.
Do we know the mother's name? If so, we should give her some agency, at least.
Unfortunately I haven't been able to find any source for this. Not uncommon for the period, especially in the Arabic world, where women are often known only by the name of their husbands or sons.
"who also married his sister" full sister or half-sister?
Not specified.
"which saw assembled at Aleppo some of the finest minds of the Muslim world" clunky - suggest "some of the finest minds of the Muslim world were at the court" or "at Aleppo"
Rephrased.
"while the grammarian Ibn Khalawayh was his tutor" Abu Firas or Sayf al-Dawla?
Clarified.
"Despite his youth, he distinguished" specify which "he" is meant here as the last "he" was Sayf al-Dawla
Clarified.
link for "fortress of Kharshana"?
Added.
"the son of Abu Firas's own sister, Sakhinah." we should name her when we first mention her ...
Fixed.
I did some copyediting, please make sure that I haven't altered meaning significantly or caused problems.
Looks good to me, thanks!
Overall a nice little article.
I randomly googled three phrases and only turned up Wikipedia mirrors.
Earwig's tool shows no sign of copyright violation.
I've put the article on hold for seven days to allow folks to address the issues I've brought up. Feel free to contact me on my talk page, or here with any concerns, and let me know one of those places when the issues have been addressed. If I may suggest that you strike out, check mark, or otherwise mark the items I've detailed, that will make it possible for me to see what's been addressed, and you can keep track of what's been done and what still needs to be worked on.
Ealdgyth (
talk)
15:49, 1 March 2022 (UTC)reply