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Reviewer: Ribbet32 ( talk · contribs) 21:54, 10 August 2017 (UTC)
1a Generally good.
In the lede: "now-retracted" is redundant- "retracted" is all needed in this context. "crush" feels slangish (and, well, high school-ish) as opposed to "romantic interest in". Story section includes improper contraction "wasn't". 2nd sentence of 3rd para of Initial response section is too long. Drew Existence section includes typo "attacker " Inconsistencies in article's use of "AM" and "a.m."
1b
Needs organizational adjustment. Line is blurred between "Consequences" and "Legal and social consequences of story", which are presented as separate sections, and then between the latter and "Lawsuits" further down.
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4.
Lede states motivation was just a crush, but article and sources indicate belief delusions and PTSD was a factor. Under "Questions emerge," "she appeared to offer evasive responses " is editorializing. ABC section states Jackie was fine after, but Washington Post states '
Jackie seemed “really upset, really shaken up”' New York states '
Rachel Soltis, Jackie’s former roommate, says she noticed emotional and physical changes in her during the fall of 2012. “She was withdrawn, depressed and couldn’t wake up in the mornings,” says Soltis, adding that she’s convinced Jackie was sexually assaulted.'
Xenu's para in the pop culture para is best deleted. Has nothing to do with pop culture or Rolling Stone.
5. No horrific edit wars
6. Image is free. No FU image of article, like
The Thriving Cult of Greed and Power?
We also have free images of
Teresa Sullivan
@
MagicatthemovieS: Thank you for a lot of work in the past 24 hours. Remaining points before we wrap this up; 1. The missing citation on Consequences; 2. The neutrality point on the ABC section (I don't feel comfortable with that without a little balance); 3. What do you think about having the picture of the article? I think it communicates something.
Ribbet32 (
talk) 17:14, 13 August 2017 (UTC)
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Reviewing |
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Reviewer: Ribbet32 ( talk · contribs) 21:54, 10 August 2017 (UTC)
1a Generally good.
In the lede: "now-retracted" is redundant- "retracted" is all needed in this context. "crush" feels slangish (and, well, high school-ish) as opposed to "romantic interest in". Story section includes improper contraction "wasn't". 2nd sentence of 3rd para of Initial response section is too long. Drew Existence section includes typo "attacker " Inconsistencies in article's use of "AM" and "a.m."
1b
Needs organizational adjustment. Line is blurred between "Consequences" and "Legal and social consequences of story", which are presented as separate sections, and then between the latter and "Lawsuits" further down.
|
4.
Lede states motivation was just a crush, but article and sources indicate belief delusions and PTSD was a factor. Under "Questions emerge," "she appeared to offer evasive responses " is editorializing. ABC section states Jackie was fine after, but Washington Post states '
Jackie seemed “really upset, really shaken up”' New York states '
Rachel Soltis, Jackie’s former roommate, says she noticed emotional and physical changes in her during the fall of 2012. “She was withdrawn, depressed and couldn’t wake up in the mornings,” says Soltis, adding that she’s convinced Jackie was sexually assaulted.'
Xenu's para in the pop culture para is best deleted. Has nothing to do with pop culture or Rolling Stone.
5. No horrific edit wars
6. Image is free. No FU image of article, like
The Thriving Cult of Greed and Power?
We also have free images of
Teresa Sullivan
@
MagicatthemovieS: Thank you for a lot of work in the past 24 hours. Remaining points before we wrap this up; 1. The missing citation on Consequences; 2. The neutrality point on the ABC section (I don't feel comfortable with that without a little balance); 3. What do you think about having the picture of the article? I think it communicates something.
Ribbet32 (
talk) 17:14, 13 August 2017 (UTC)