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Hi, I'm reviewing this draft as per User:Engmaj's request. Please excuse my pickiness; I'm treating this like a GA review, hoping it will help this article be published.
Overall impressions: I agree somewhat with the draft rejecters' comments about its tone and sources, although I think that it has great potential. I'd add that this article doesn't mine its sources adequately; see below for suggestions. I'm sure we can get it to a place where it can be accepted by other reviewers. I tend to try and find a similar WP article when I'm working on a new article or expanding an existing one, to see how other editors handle similar content. I did a kinda-short search on Google and WP for other "manifestos": Southern Manifesto (which unfortunately doesn't have a lead, although its content seems high-quality), Leap Manifesto (which is long because there's lots of information out there about it and doesn't have a signatory section), and Manifesto of the 343. The last example seems to be more like this manifesto, so I suggest that we use it as a model.
Lead: Currently, the first paragraph is more of an introduction than a lead. Remember, leads are supposed to summarize an article. This is why I tend to write leads after I write the body.
Stay tuned, more later. Christine (Figureskatingfan) ( talk) 18:46, 12 October 2023 (UTC)
Lead (cont.)
A Message of Hope and Courage
How The Madeleva Manifesto came to be
Signatories
Mining sources:
I'm being picky, but with smaller articles you need to be because we want to include as much as we can to bulk up the content.
This is all I can do at this setting. More later, but this is a good start for now, I think. Let me know if I can clarify and if you have any questions. Christine (Figureskatingfan) ( talk) 18:38, 13 October 2023 (UTC)
Continuing:
Response and Legacy sections:
Both these sections need to be rewritten. According to MOS:PARA, single sentences break up the flow of the text. The easy solution would be to combine all the sentences, with transitions between them, of course. I also suggest that you combine the two sections into one and call it "Response and legacy" because as the above guideline states, short sections are also not recommended. You could probably bulk it up with more content from the sources, too; for example, you could use your sources to define gospel feminism. This might be a better place to define it.
This is how I'd rewrite the first paragraph:
The Manifesto was well received by the audience at the public session in which it was presented and some of them brought it to their local area to disseminate its message.[6][8] Renee M. LaReau, a pastoral associate at a Catholic church in Ohio and reflecting as a Catholic female Generation Xer for America magazine, saw the Manifesto as confirmation that women "must be respected as leaders and given public roles in the church".[9] One later commentator in Crisis Magazine, however, contested the Manifesto's association with Catherine of Sienna, offered a contrasting vision of St. Catherine, and criticized several of its signatories for expressing opposing views elsewhere.[10]
References
Ref2:
Ref4:
User:Engmaj, I'm now done with the review. Hope it's helpful; let me know how else I can assist. We can even do a zoom session if you like, just let me know. Best, Christine (Figureskatingfan) ( talk) 21:54, 14 October 2023 (UTC)
![]() | This draft does not require a rating on Wikipedia's
content assessment scale. It is of interest to the following WikiProjects: | ||||||||||||||
|
Hi, I'm reviewing this draft as per User:Engmaj's request. Please excuse my pickiness; I'm treating this like a GA review, hoping it will help this article be published.
Overall impressions: I agree somewhat with the draft rejecters' comments about its tone and sources, although I think that it has great potential. I'd add that this article doesn't mine its sources adequately; see below for suggestions. I'm sure we can get it to a place where it can be accepted by other reviewers. I tend to try and find a similar WP article when I'm working on a new article or expanding an existing one, to see how other editors handle similar content. I did a kinda-short search on Google and WP for other "manifestos": Southern Manifesto (which unfortunately doesn't have a lead, although its content seems high-quality), Leap Manifesto (which is long because there's lots of information out there about it and doesn't have a signatory section), and Manifesto of the 343. The last example seems to be more like this manifesto, so I suggest that we use it as a model.
Lead: Currently, the first paragraph is more of an introduction than a lead. Remember, leads are supposed to summarize an article. This is why I tend to write leads after I write the body.
Stay tuned, more later. Christine (Figureskatingfan) ( talk) 18:46, 12 October 2023 (UTC)
Lead (cont.)
A Message of Hope and Courage
How The Madeleva Manifesto came to be
Signatories
Mining sources:
I'm being picky, but with smaller articles you need to be because we want to include as much as we can to bulk up the content.
This is all I can do at this setting. More later, but this is a good start for now, I think. Let me know if I can clarify and if you have any questions. Christine (Figureskatingfan) ( talk) 18:38, 13 October 2023 (UTC)
Continuing:
Response and Legacy sections:
Both these sections need to be rewritten. According to MOS:PARA, single sentences break up the flow of the text. The easy solution would be to combine all the sentences, with transitions between them, of course. I also suggest that you combine the two sections into one and call it "Response and legacy" because as the above guideline states, short sections are also not recommended. You could probably bulk it up with more content from the sources, too; for example, you could use your sources to define gospel feminism. This might be a better place to define it.
This is how I'd rewrite the first paragraph:
The Manifesto was well received by the audience at the public session in which it was presented and some of them brought it to their local area to disseminate its message.[6][8] Renee M. LaReau, a pastoral associate at a Catholic church in Ohio and reflecting as a Catholic female Generation Xer for America magazine, saw the Manifesto as confirmation that women "must be respected as leaders and given public roles in the church".[9] One later commentator in Crisis Magazine, however, contested the Manifesto's association with Catherine of Sienna, offered a contrasting vision of St. Catherine, and criticized several of its signatories for expressing opposing views elsewhere.[10]
References
Ref2:
Ref4:
User:Engmaj, I'm now done with the review. Hope it's helpful; let me know how else I can assist. We can even do a zoom session if you like, just let me know. Best, Christine (Figureskatingfan) ( talk) 21:54, 14 October 2023 (UTC)